Monday, March 12, 2007

Project Runway Recap, Season Two, Episode 6: Window Dressing: or The Cry and Cut Episode!

The episode starts with Santino telling us how, in his mind, he has been hired by the Hilton corporation to redesign everything for the hotel chain, from bath-robes to ashtrays.

Santino: "Nick won the Barbie challenge and I won the Nicky Hilton challenge. One of them is a role-model for girls and the other is a fake, plastic doll. I can't remember which is which but I'm sure my win was better."

He stays with his model, Heather:

Santino: "If there is one thing I am, it's loyal. If there are two things I am, it's loyal and creepy."

We meet Deborah Lloyd, a lovely woman with a really unfortunate haircut. The designers will be creating a look for Banana Republic and Deborah tells them how it should be a look that can transition from day to evening.

Deborah: "This challenge is about molding your personal vision to a national brand."

Tim: "Excuse me, but I get to make the educational and inspirational statements."

Deborah: "Sorry."

The designers grab a bunch of Banana fabric and make some sketches. When they get to the design room Nick finds out his table is gone and he has to use a different one:

Nick: "Oh, my god! That table was my muse! I can't use another table! I don't even feel like being here any more."

Tim tells the designers they will be pairing up for this challenge. Andrae tells us he was shocked. Is Andrae ever not shocked? He always looks like Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone after he put on aftershave.

The designers stand around completely dumbfounded. You would have thought Tim just told them they had to jump off the roof of the Altas. Finally they start pairing up:

Santino: "Everyone wanted to be my partner. It was embarrassing."

Nick: "I don't know what happened. One minute everything was normal and the next minute I was Santino's partner. This has something to do with that stupid new table."

Tim: "This is really make it work time."

That's not very helpful.

Tim: "Well, what do you want? That Deborah woman takes all the best lines."

Most of the designers interpret "day into evening" as meaning "wearing a jacket and then taking it off."

Daniel and Andrae are making a really cute dress with a jacket that I originally mistook for the muslin. Andrae calls it Edwardian:

Tim: "That jacket really looks stupid."

Daniel and Andrae: "That's the look we were going for!"

Tim: "Well, then you've really achieved it!"

Daniel and Andrae: "Thank you, Tim!"

Marla and Diana are making a suit. Marla is worried that it isn't flattering. Really? Has Marla seen anything she's ever designed? Unflattering would be a step up.

Diana's design has a layered skirt that pulls to the back and buttons for a sexier evening look. It's the most interesting idea in this whole challenge. Tim talks them out of it and they end up making a completely boring pencil skirt. Maybe the original idea wouldn't have worked but at least it would have been better than what they ended up with. I think this was one of those very few times when TIM MADE A MISTAKE. I know I'm going to be hit by lightning but it had to be said.

Kara immediately starts crying in order to get a head start on it.

The next day Tim tells Zulema and Kara that their dress is not working for him. Kara swallows a bottle of sleeping pills. Zulema forces her to throw up and then puts her to work creating a new dress. Kara continues to cry:

Zulema: "I don't care if you cry but you have to cry and cut!"

Kara starts cutting:

Zulema: "Oh, come on; now you're just messing with me. You know I was talking about cutting the fabric!"

Zulema bandages up Kara's wounds and makes her get to work. They create a dress from scratch in about 15 minutes, leaving them a full 45 seconds to make a jacket.

They take a field trip. Emmett is dressed like a member of a barbershop quartet. They stop in front of Banana Republic. Tim tells them they will be creating window displays. Andrae's head explodes.

Emmett is painting beautiful illustrations of his and Chloe's outfit in their space. It's pretty nice. Tim says it's more fabulous than he can say.

Zulema and Kara have cut out a Manhattan skyline and put up circles in colored construction paper that plays on the fabric pattern of their dress. I think the window is visually arresting and the idea of the model walking across Manhattan to go from day to evening is very effective.

Kara: "She'll be walking from wherevah to wherevah."

Yeah, whatevah. Anyway they have my favorite window.

Daniel and Andrae paint two clocks on the wall, both set to 9:00, and the words "dressed to the nines." Other Eric finds this brilliant. Me, not so much. The concept is good; it gets across the idea of day to evening. But how can you tell which clock is A.M. and which is P.M.? And, I'm sorry, but even if it's clever, it's a visually boring window.

Marla and Diana are fighting.

Santino: "I hope they rip each other's vocal cords out."

Diana wants to create an office scene with lots of crumpled paper on the floor. I think the concept is that the office worker has had enough and is ready to go out and get drunk. It's not a great idea but it's not that bad, either. Marla does nothing but complain about everything. She doesn't come up with any better ideas; she just complains about the ones Diana has.

Nick and Santino are creating the shittiest window display in history. Santino is trying to come up with a possible reason for its astounding shittiness:

Santino: "Our window was smaller than the others."

Here's what I'm thinking: if the window had been bigger, it would have just looked like an even bigger piece of shit. I could be wrong.

Supposedly real Banana Republic customers who happen to be loitering outside the store vote on which display they prefer.

Heidi: "Would you like to know the results of the vote?"

Yes!

Heidi: "Well, too bad. I'm not going to tell you."

Man, what a tease! Yeah, baby, you know how I like it!

On the runway, the judges love Emmett and Chloe's outfit but they think it is too high end, too Bergdorf's. I don't quite get that, but what do I know? Their model, Grace, was absolutely wonderful, turning the jacket inside out and putting it back on in one (I have to say it) graceful move. That could have been really awkward but she made it look easy.

Daniel and Andrae's dress is super cute and very Banana. That, combined with their popular window, makes up for the stupid jacket and they win. Congratulations Daniel and Andrae!

Zulema and Kara's cute dress also makes up for their ugly, unfinished jacket and they are still in.

The judges hate Nick and Santino's stupid outfit. Santino, as usual, defends it by insulting the judges:

Santino: "We imagined this for the director of an art gallery."

Michael Kors: "I know all the major gallerists in New York. They're my clients. And they would never dress like that."

Santino: "Yes, but your clients are old and have bad taste."

Michael: "I'm about ready to let Nina rip your face off."

Heidi: "Nick, could you tell us what went wrong?"

Nick: "Well, it all started when I got the bad table in the design room and then ..."

Heidi: "Forget it; we don't have time for that story. You're in."

Michael: "Marla and Diana, could you please ask the flight attendant to bring us some coffee before you go?"

5 comments:

bungle said...

Dude,

I gotta change this up a bit so you won't get sick of seeing the same compliments (take the opposite meaning of what follows):

YOUR BLOG SUX ASSS! YOU TRY TO BE FUNNY BUT YOU JUST COME OFF AS A PISSED OFF WANNA-BE FASHION DESIGNER!!!! YES, WE GET IT ALREADY! WHENEVER YOU WATCH PR YOU SING THAT "ANYTHING YOU CAN DO i CAN DO BETTER" SONG TO YOURSELF OVER AND OVER AGAIN!

EAT ASS MAGGOTS YOU CLOWN!







:D

Eric said...

It was "Dressed FOR the Nines" not "Dressed To The Nines." Or maybe it was Dress For the Nine? Either way it was For and not To. Hysterical post.

Ms. Place said...

You got the subtext of these conversations down pat. How ever do you do it?

Angie said...

Kara immediately starts crying in order to get a head start on it.

You make me laugh. That's why I heart you.

Anonymous said...

LMAO - another "Andrae's head explodes" - God I almost blew coffee out of my nose. Thanks for another great post!