Project Runway Season Two, Episode 7: A Very Special Episode of Project Runway: the Tootie episode!
Edna Garrett: "Tootie!"
Tootie: "Yes, Mrs. G.?"
Edna: "We have to talk about your obsession with this popular singer."
Tootie: "Well, the word 'obsession' is a bit strong. Jermaine Jackson is just the greatest singer ever and I think about him constantly!"
Edna: "Jermaine Jackson?! Are you freaking kidding me?!"
Tootie: "I know your game, old woman. You think you can get me out of the picture so you can have Jermaine all to yourself! Well, you can't have him; he's mine!"
Edna: "You're completely irrational, Tootie! I've seen this before; back when I was a girl people were going nuts for Al Jolson. They would collect his sheet music and trace silhouettes of his profile. I almost got caught up in all the madness, myself, so I know what it's like! You have to snap out of it before it takes over your life! Now, go help prepare dinner or I'll have you institutionalized like I did with Molly Ringwald."
Tootie: "Yeah, about that ... there won't be dinner because I used all the chopped liver to make a life-sized Jermaine Jackson statue."
Edna: "Oh, Tootie!"
Well, I think we've all learned a valuable lesson: contrary to the opinion of a certain fashion editor who shall remain nameless, there can never be too much Tootie.
But on with the recap:
This episode of Project Runway is not brought to you by Kenmore. In fact, because Kenmore didn't come up with enough cash, the show had to cover their logo with electrical tape on all the appliances in the Atlas kitchens. Cheap bastards.
Chloe has to move apartments because the women on the show are dropping like flies:
Chloe: "I'd rather have my own apartment but it's OK. I've lived with people before. And by 'people' I mean twenty-seven sisters."
Heidi addresses the designers:
Heidi: "Are you ready for your next challenge?"
Heidi: "Well, too bad because ... wait, what do you mean 'no'?"
Designers: "We're just joking! We're ready for our next challenge."
Heidi: "That's better. But too bad, because you're not going to find out what it is until tomorrow morning!"
God, she is so hot when she teases us like that!
Heidi: "Someone will come to you in the morning with a little package."
Robert: "It's not that little!"
Anyway, as the designers wait for Robert and his little package ...
Robert: "Hey! Come on!"
Sorry. As the designers wait for Robert's delivery (is that better?) they try to figure out what the surprise will be:
Nick: "Will it be one of those outfits worn by people who pass things out?"
I have no idea what you're talking about.
Santino: "Like someone in a chicken suit passing out chicken coupons."
Oh, now I understand.
Santino: "Yeah, I bet it will be a chicken suit. I'm going to spend all night thinking about chicken suits."
Gee, I hope that doesn't affect your design.
Kara: "I didn't know what the challenge was because I didn't know what to expect."
Or, conversely, you didn't know what to expect because you didn't know what the challenge was.
Kara: "Wow, that's true, too! Freaky!"
Robert delivers a package to Emmett:
Robert: "You don't know who I am, do you?"
Emmett: "Um, of course I remember you. You work in the downtown branch and you helped me mail something at Christmas. You all do such a wonderful job."
Robert: "No; I was on season one."
Emmett: "Of what?"
Robert: "Forget it."
The designers get these ridiculous skating outfits they have to wear. But some are more ridiculous than others:
Kara gets a blue and green velour outfit that's such a retro 1980s horror that it's actually cool.
Chloe gets something that looks like pink tie-dyed cotton. It's pretty awful. It also doesn't really look like a skating outfit. Maybe you would wear it for practice?
Zulema's outfit actually looks like a skating outfit that someone could wear in a lower-level competition. It's like a little pink princess costume, which is kind of a new look for Zulema. She accessorizes with gold glitter eye makeup. Fabulous!
Andrae, Nick, and Emmett get similar outfits with puffy polyester shirts in colors that should be considered crimes against humanity. Andrae is in green and Nick is in purple. I think they are both button-front shirts and, while awful, are not particularly unflattering. Emmett's, however, is an almost fuchsia pink and it's a crew neck that just leaves a solid mass of polyester fabric across his torso that would be unflattering even on someone with a perfect body. How could they do such a thing to Emmett. Seeing such a elegant, sophisticated man in this shirt makes you want to gouge your own eyes out. It just isn't right. It's like the Queen of England in nothing but her underwear. You are not supposed to see that.
Anyway, Santino is in a similar top but in white, which is not nearly as bad. He accessorizes it with a Russian-style hat and he's actually never looked better. Seriously, he looks good. Maybe because he has that awful, greasy hair covered up.
Daniel looks like he's wearing a completely normal outfit. It just looks like a black T-shirt and black pants. The shirt has a stripe of glitter on one side but you don't even notice it at a distance. What's up with that? Why didn't Daniel have to wear an embarrassing outfit? Apparently, someone who has a little crush on Daniel decided to give him the one cool outfit but I'm not suggesting it's Tim ... OK, I'm suggesting it's Tim.
The designers don't know yet what their costumes are. Santino still thinks he's going to be passing out chicken coupons. The van takes them to a prison. The designers are a little worried. No, really, I think Tim says that they parked the van at a prison because it was across the street from the ice skating rink.
So, anyway, they get into the ice skating rink and the designers slowly realize they are wearing ice skating costumes. Yeah, we love our designers but they're a little slow. They see Sasha Cohen out on the ice. Nick creams his pants. Fortunately, they're polyester so that should come out in the wash.
Nick: "Oh, My God! It's Olympic silver medalist Sasha Cohen! I can't believe I'm ten feet away the Sasha Cohen!"
Oh, please. Wake me up when they get an Olympic gold medalist. Back in the original Olympics you either won or you lost. They didn't have sissy silver medals for people who just didn't lose as badly as the rest.
No, I'm totally kidding! Sasha Cohen is fantastic!
Sasha: "I need something that stretches and doesn't give me a wedgie and it should show up on the ice but the sequins can't fall off because that will make a mess. Here's a picture of my crotch!"
Yep, that's a picture of her crotch, alright.
The designers buy fabric and go to a separate store for trim:
Nick: "I need a shitload of sequins."
Daniel: "I'm spending all my money on trims."
Santino: "I need six dead turkeys, please."
There is much drama in the work room:
Emmett: "I've never worked with stretch fabric before."
For those of you who don't know, Emmett is a menswear designer.
Emmett: "Oh, yeah. Did I forget to mention that?"
Kara explains stretch fabrics to Emmett:
Kara: "You just have to remember that stretch fabric stretches and you'll be fine. Nick, what do you think of mine?"
Nick: "I am not teaching today! I'm on vacation!"
Kara: "Wow, bitch; I just asked what you thought."
The overlock machine is being a pain in the ass. Everyone tells us how important that machine is for sewing stretch fabrics. Of course, Andrae does it in a British accent so it's more dramatic:
Andrae: "I'm going to fix the machine, everyone! Did you hear me? I'm fixing the machine! Please hold your applause until after I've finished fixing the machine! Thank you!"
Andrae: "You know I can't constantly be fixing the machine for you."
Nick: "I'm doing my best to keep from slapping you right now."
Daniel: "Will you shut up about the machine! Nobody even asked you to fix it!"
On to the judging, where Heidi looks like she's auditioning for a production of "Chicago" and we have to endure Anne Slowey again (Bravo had better not let Nina take a day off during season four or I'm going to punch you-know-who in the nuts!):
Daniel's looks like an walking eggplant. I hate it.
Zulema's is white and intricate and looks like something a skater would wear. I really didn't like it at all when I originally watched the episode but I've changed my mind. Although it doesn't look very well made, I think it actually fits much better than I remembered and it's kind of pretty. Anyway, I don't mind that Sasha chose it as the winner (though I would have chosen Chloe's).
Kara's is all razzle dazzle. It's not bad but it's pretty boring.
Emmett was going to do van Gogh's Starry Night on his but I guess he ran out of time. The shape is way too simple and the skirt is ugly but I love the detailing at the top. At first glance, it's very pretty but then you realize there just isn't much to it. Too bad. Emmett's out. He was my favorite and I really thought he would go all the way.
Andrae's is influenced by a cyclone and it's not bad. It's not a great color but it's an interesting design and would probably flow nicely on the ice.
Santino's looks like a dead turkey.
Nick's is OK. It's very similar to Daniel's; other than having one bare shoulder, there isn't anything very exciting about either design. Nick's fabric is pretty but I don't think it's quite right for a skating costume.
Chloe's is so imaginative. It's really original and if Sasha had wanted something different but still flattering, she should have picked this. Sasha was worried that she didn't have the curves to pull off this outfit but Grace doesn't have any curves, either. In fact, I think this would have looked better on Sasha than it did on Grace. With Emmett gone, this is the episode where I become a full-on Chloe fan.
What do the judges think?
Michael: "Santino's looks like a baboon's ass exploded on her backside."
Santino: "I knew you would say that."
Anne Slowey: "Kara, that fringe would be so unflattering on a skater's giant thighs."
Ooh, look at me; I'm Anne Slowey and I think I'm so smart.
Anne: "Santino's looks like Carmen Miranda on acid."
I'm sure you thought that would sound clever. It didn't.
Anne: "Emmett's is both vulgar and dowdy."
SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!!!!
Oh, I apologize for that outburst. That was rude. Anyway, as I said, Sasha picks Zulema's:
Sasha: "I'll be wearing Zulema's outfit on the ice."
Zulema: "Where and when?"
Sasha: "In hell. When it freezes over."