Project Runway Recap, Season Two Reunion: Whatever.
Before we begin, I'd just like to remind you not to punch Daniel Franco in the nuts. You are going to want to but please don't. I'm begging you; just resist the urge. Thank you.
OK; boy, I really don't remember this reunion being quite so boring the first time I watched it. It probably would have helped if I had dropped some acid so I could understand what Lupe was saying but all I had was Corona. The designers, on the other hand, were completely shit-faced. And they are not particularly fun drunks.
Anyway, they show up at the party in the order they were eliminated while we watch clips of their humiliation. It's cool to see some of the designers: Kirsten is 17 months pregnant, Kara is engaged, John looks like he's lost 60 pounds:
Billy Crystal: "60 pounds? That's a Back Street Boy!"
That makes absolutely no sense. And it isn't even remotely funny.
Billy Crystal: "Who pissed in your cornflakes? That joke kills in Dubuque."
Tim and Heidi talk with the designers about things that happened on the show:
Heidi: "Nick's Barbie sold like Pillsbury Toaster Strudel."
Tim: "I think you mean hotcakes."
Heidi: "Hotcakes. Interesting. I've never heard that. In Germany we say Pillsbury Toaster Strudel. They sell really well there. Do you have Pillsbury Toaster Strudel in this country?"
Tim: "Will you shut up about the stupid Pillsbury Toaster Strudel?!"
Heidi: "Have you tried them? They're delicious!"
Tim: "I think I'm going to lose my mind."
We get clips of Santino saying mean things:
Santino: "I'm better than all of you, you turd polishers!"
Chloe: "That's just rude."
Santino: "I think I'm a better designer and I'm confident I will win."
Oh, my god! How could he say something so outrageous?!
Daniel Franco: "I will defend the honor of designers everywhere. Santino, I challenge you to a duel. Who will be your second?"
Santino: "Dude, what's wrong with you?"
Daniel Franco: "Chicks dig it when you stand up for their honor. And I love the ladies. I don't mean I just think they are cool; I mean I like to have sex with them."
Yes, we know.
Lupe: "I LOVE SANTINO!!!!!"
Wow, turn down the volume a little there, Lupe.
Tim: "Lupe, we have a question for you from a viewer."
Lupe: "Yay!! What did I win? Oh, right; I can answer that question. I believe that I have my own personal beliefs and no one else can believe that I have beliefs. You know what I mean? I feel really strongly about that and I really appreciate that you took the time to come all the way down here to ask me that question."
Tim: "I haven't asked the question yet."
Lupe: "I agree, as well."
Tim: "Why do I even bother?"
Lupe: "Another excellent question! I love you, New York! You know, I remember when I was a little girl and Johnny Cash told me that everyone's personal response is personal and I just don't think you can argue with Johnny Cash."
Tim: "I wouldn't dream of it. Well, unfortunately, we've run out of time for viewer questions."
We learn about Shetange. Shetange is a tough bitch who doesn't stand for any bullshit. You do not want to get on Shetange's bad side.
Other Eric: "You know who Shetange reminds me of?"
Other Eric: "Zulema."
Uh, yeah. Why do you need an alter ego that is exactly the same as your regular personality?
Anyway, we learn about the softer side of Zulema:
Zulema: "The reason I took Nick's model is because I really wanted my model to have the opportunity to work with another designer and grow as a person."
Oh. She did it for the well-being of the model. OK, then.
Heidi: "Andrae, we have a question about your many accents. Basically, we want to know why you talk like such a freak? We know it's fake because you are from Los Angeles and everyone there is fake. You're all actors, right?"
That is such a stereotype! I am so insulted! To suggest that everyone here is an actor when obviously some of us are movie producers is just outrageous!
Arnold Schwarzenegger: "And don't forget that some of us are the governor of California."
Tune in next week when Tim travels the country in a red Saturn sports car!