Friday, July 18, 2008

Shear Genius, Season Two, Episode Four: The One Charlie Doesn't Win!

So, Charlie has immunity for the second week in a row:

Nekisa: "I didn't even know that was physically possible."

This week's guest judge is that guy Roy who was on last season.

For the quickfire challenge, the geniuses are playing musical clients. The clients have to keep moving from one chair to the next until Roy tells them to stop. At that point, the clients stuck with Meredith and Nekisa lose. Ready? Go!

Paulo's client is a mental case:

Paulo's client: "I didn't know they were going to do something to my hair! Is that what happens at hair salons? I've never been to one before so I didn't know that. I really think they should warn people that they might try to touch your hair when you go to a salon."

Meredith decides on a fourteen-step carrot-orange color for her client:

Charlie: "Meredith, your balls are almost as big as your tits!"

You know, Charlie pretends that he's a ruthless bitch but he always says the sweetest things.

Charlie chose his client because she had the worst hair and he didn't want to end up with her.

Unfortunately, his gamble didn't pay off because everyone ended up with his or her original client:

Roy: "I think you made a smart decision because you knew you could make the biggest change with that client."

Charlie: "Oh, yeah, that's why I picked her."

Roy says Glenn's client was begging to be banged. Glenn's client tells Roy he's begging to be punched in the face.

Meredith loses the quickfire:

Meredith: "It's because my client didn't have curly hair. People are so prejudiced against straight-haired people."

Dee wins the quickfire and will get the usual pointless advantage in the elimination challenge:

Dee: "I run my salon exactly like that challenge; we shuffle the clients around to a dozen different stylists so that eventually the client doesn't even care what she looks like anymore. That's why I did so well on this challenge."

OK, so remember in the previews how it looks like everyone is accusing Dee of something and she's defending herself? Yeah, that doesn't happen:

After a night of drinking wine out of a box, Dee starts screaming incoherently at Charlie for no reason:

Dee: "You aren't classy like I am!"

I then picture Dee grabbing her crotch to demonstrate exactly how classy she is.

Seriously, the "argument" was a complete non-event. The geniuses are just talking about how hard it was to switch clients and Charlie says they all looked like shit and then Dee, who apparently bleached the part of her head that used to contain her sense of humor, starts yelling. But everyone else basically ignores her and it's over pretty quickly.

For the elimination challenge, the geniuses have to create a style that the client can replicate at home. The geniuses seem to understand the challenge but, for some reason, they are all shocked later when Rene tells them the judging will take place the next day, after the clients have styled their own hair. Uh, hello? That's the point of the challenge!

Nekisa: "If I'm going to win any challenge, it's going to be this one."

Yeah, you're never going to win a challenge.

So, Dee gets first pick of the clients. She then gets to assign clients to the other geniuses. She can assign them in any order; in other words, she could have assigned the worst client to her least favorite genius first, last, or in the middle. But everyone assumes she is picking in the order of preference. And, for some reason, that does appear to be what she did.

Obviously, she gives Nekisa the best client:

Nekisa: "I don't know why everyone thinks Dee has a crush on me. Just because she's gay and is constantly trying to have sex with me doesn't mean she has a crush on me. Jeez!"

The winner of this challenge will be featured in a "pictorial" (which is later clarified as "advertorial") in Allure magazine:

Glenn: "That's national exposure; you can get that in bookstores!"

Yeah, we understand the concept of Allure magazine, Glenn. Obviously, we don't actually buy it but we do understand that it exists and is available in bookstores.

Rene tells everyone the surprising news that in a challenge about having a client style her own hair, the judging will actually take place after the clients style their own hair. Everyone is shocked.

So what's everyone doing?

Nicole is going to try to make her client look exactly as crappy as she would look if she styled it herself; that way, when the client styles her own hair it will look the same.

Charlie spends the entire time shampooing his client's hair.

Meredith gives her client a simple 73 step process for styling her hair in the morning.

On to the hairway:

Nicole's client looks pretty good. I don't think she looks fantastic but she's much better than when she came in. Yes, it's very impressive that she can now do her hair in 8 minutes.

Daniel's client also looks pretty good. The cut seems a little dated to me, though.

Nekisa's client looks fine but she doesn't look much different from when she came in.

Charlie needed to do something about his client's severe, black hair. It's just not flattering.

Dee's client looks fantastic!

Paulo's client looks better but not great.

Meredith's client looks awful. It's really bizarre looking. The cut looked really quite good when Meredith styled it but the client obviously was not able to replicate it. Kim is absolutely right when he compares it to a squid. The back reminds me of Davy Jones from the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. And the problem is not that the client has curly hair; the problem is that it's straightened in front and all tendrily in back; it's like two separate styles. And both of them are bad.

Glenn's client looks fabulous! The client looks so happy and clearly loves her new style!

Gail's client looks fine.

The problem with the judging segment is we only got the before and after pictures so it was difficult to compare the client's styling to the look they were trying to replicate.

So obviously Dee and Glenn are the top two. Glenn wins! Congratulations, Glenn:

Glenn: "I know I said I would give my right tit to win this challenge but I didn't really mean it."

Don't worry, Glenn, you can keep both your tits.

Nekisa and Meredith are the bottom two. I would love Meredith to stay. And I'm sure if they weren't being judged on talent, she would sail through to the end.

Unfortunately, Meredith is out:

Meredith: "There is so much prejudice against people with half straight/half curly hair. People who have only one hair style at a time just don't get it."


Anonymous said...

haha hilarious as usual Eric. I loved when Meredith was going on about how she was eliminated because people don't like curly hair. um, no sweetie, you were eliminated because your style looked like crap

ps are you going to recap both PR and SG?

Cliff O'Neill said...

Favorite line: "Dee, who apparently bleached the part of her head that used to contain her sense of humor, starts yelling."

Totally cracked me up! So love you!

Even if I'm a straight-hair bigot. ;-)

theminx said...

Crotch grabbing lesbian = Dale from TC Chicago? :)