Friday, July 04, 2008

Shear Genius Season Two, Episode Two: the one with the oranges!

Apparently there is some show about housewives and oranges and I've never seen it but it sounds awful. For some reason they are on the show this week. Yeah, the housewives AND the oranges are on the show. I'm assuming it's a show about women who grow oranges and complain a lot.

We start the episode with Daniel on the Allure Wall of Horrors, which means he will be eliminated next week (he has immunity this week).

For the quickfire challenge, Daniel gets to pick his client first and then picks the order of the other geniuses:

Daniel: "I'm afraid the other's will think I may have some sort of strategy but I don't."

They have to take a client with long hair and cut it short and flirty.

Jaclyn tries out a catchphrase:

Jaclyn: "Sock it to me."

No, not that one.

Jaclyn: "Go shake it."

Rene: "No, it's, 'Go shake it.'"

Jaclyn: "That's what I said. Go shake it."

Rene: "Close. Try it one more time. Go shake it."

Jaclyn: "Go shake it."

Rene: "You're still not saying it right. Just leave the catchphrases to the experts."

Halfway through the cut, the geniuses are introduced to this week's guest judge. It's Tabatha! I'm so excited to see her I'm crying a little bit. Sorry, I'll try to pull myself together.

Tabatha tells the geniuses that it's time to impress her, though she doubts anyone is as good as she is.

Nicole: "Everyone compares me to Tabatha because I'm so cute and sweet and sassy."

What the hell is she talking about? Is "sassy" is the new way of saying "raging bitch"?

So what does Tabatha have to say about the results?

Tabatha:
"So, Meredith, did you intend to make your client look like Ronald McDonald?"
"Glenn, why did you decide to make your client look older?"
"Nekisa, if you ever talk back to me again, I'll rip your face off."
"Paulo, I probably wouldn't have chosen to make my client's head look like a baboon's butt exploded but that's just my personal preference."

Wow, she's kind of a little miss know-it-all, isn't she?

Charlie wins the quickfire by basically shaving his client's head. She looked cute.

That night the geniuses drink vodka out of plastic cups and complain about Tabatha. The next morning they wake up to a bowl of oranges in the kitchen, which doesn't seem like such a strange thing to find in a kitchen except that the oranges have numbers tattooed on them. Matthew picks number 11 and immediately starts whining about how he's going home, even though he has no idea what the numbers mean. But we all hope he's right, anyway.

The geniuses walk into the studio but Rene jumps in front of them, his cape fluttering in the breeze:

Rene: "Supwize!"

Rene tells us about the surprise and, while I couldn't really understand any of what he said, it has something to do with those housewives and oranges I mentioned at the top of the post. I guess they are going to be on the show:

Daniel: "OH, MY, GOD!!!! I LOVE ORANGES SO MUCH I'M SHAKING!!! THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY OF MY ENTIRE LIFE SINCE THE LAST GREATEST DAY OF MY ENTIRE LIFE, WHICH WAS YESTERDAY, WHEN MY WORK WAS PUT UP ON THE ALLURE WALL OF HORRORS AND THAT WAS THE GREATEST DAY OF MY ENTIRE LIFE SINCE THE DAY BEFORE THAT, WHEN JACQUELINE [sic] TOLD ME SHE LOVED MY WORK! EVERY DAY I LIVE IS THE GREATEST DAY OF MY ENTIRE LIFE!"

Charlie steals Daniel's client, though I don't really see what difference it makes.

The geniuses go shake it.

OK, I don't know who these housewives are but they are kind of a nightmare. Bravo should make a television show about these women.

The housewives are served champagne in big plastic wine glasses and they seem happy about it. I would have been all, "Get me a real goddamn champagne flute or I'm walking!" but I guess I'm just too high maintenance for reality television.

Time for the judging:

Nekisa's client doesn't look any better than when she came in.

Daniel's client doesn't look happy with her hair but I thought she looked pretty good.

Paulo had Vicki. I don't care how the hair looks because the fact that he didn't slap her in the face is a major accomplishment and I think he should be commended for his restraint.

Nicole did a pretty decent job.

Matthew created a really boring style.

Glenn's client looks fine.

Charlie did a cute cut that works on his young client. I agree with the Tabatha that the bangs are just a touch too long:

Charlie: "I'll take it, mommy."

Gail's client wouldn't let her cut her hair but that doesn't excuse how totally shitty the final style is. It looks like it hasn't even been washed. Disgusting.

Parker had a major challenge. His middle-aged client had dyed her hair black and he isn't a color expert so he didn't want to risk lightening it. Unfortunately, to make it on this show you need to know a little bit about coloring hair and it was a risk he needed to take. But the worst part is that he took a bad situation and made it worse. He gave her really severe bangs, which only added to the aging factor of the color. It was a cut that looked cute on Charlie's client but was not appropriate for Parker's client. Honestly, she didn't look that bad but she definitely looked older than when she came in and that's a problem.

Dee did a good job.

Meredith's client looked kind of crappy.

Dee, Charlie, and Glenn are the top three and Charlie wins! Congratulations, Charlie!

Parker, Gail, and Paulo are the bottom three. Paulo shouldn't have been in the bottom three but I agree with the judges that the other two were bad. But, while Parker didn't create a style that was perfect for his client, Gail created a style that would have looked like shit on anybody. I thought she should have been out.

Unfortunately, Parker is out. Most people thought he should have won last week which would have given him immunity this week. The fans are not going to be happy about this.

The others are taking it hard, too:

Daniel: "This is the worst day of my entire life!"

Oshun: "This is bullshit."

6 comments:

vindaloo said...

That was awesome, as always. You rock, Eric!! Happy 4th!

Cliff O'Neill said...

"Paulo had Vicki. I don't care how the hair looks because the fact that he didn't slap her in the face is a major accomplishment and I think he should be commended for his restraint."

I about spit out my champagne onto my iMac reading that. Hysterically funny, as always, darlin'!

Was sooo glad to see Tabs back. Can't wait for her show in the fall.

mumblesalot (Laura A) said...

I have a confession. I have watched the last two seasons of the Oranges of Housewife County. Yep they are wild and bizarre. You can't fix their hair. They go to upscale salons and look exactly the same way going in and coming out. Just as they did on the Shear Genius. I was hoping they would have to dye their hair orange and try to reverse it.

Great recap! You are too funny

Laura K said...

Great recap Eric!

Vic (Ms. Place) said...

Love this show, Eric. The bitchiness is awesome, and Tabatha's return felt like a homecoming.

My coffee cooler gang and I thought Gail should have been cut out. She did the least, and her styling was awful. Small error on the judges' part, though. All three bottom hairstyles stunk.

As for the Orange County housewives, they seem funny, original and fabulous compared to those awful NY City socialite wannabees. Now, that's really scraping the barrel.

wildflower38 said...

Terrific!!