Thursday, June 11, 2009

The Fashion Show, episode six: Square Pegs!

All this show has to do is click with the right clique and it can finally have an audience that's worthy of it.

Isaac: "No way. Not even with cleavage."

So, last week Daniella won and Keith lost. Angel is hanging by a thread. And we can see the thread unravelling before our eyes.

For the quickfire, Isaac tells us the client will be someone who is a rising star in politics:

Reco: "Ooh, I hope it's that Sandra Paley woman. She's hot."

Haven: "Um, I hear Hillary Clinton is trying to break into politics. Maybe it's her."

I think Haven's shoulder pads are somehow seeping into her brain. By the way, I know I'm alone on this but I was really digging her Linda Evans look this week.

It turns out the client is running for student body president of her high school. The designers are assigned backpacks full of stereotypes. They have to create shirts that will alienate specific social groups. For instance, Lidia has to create a shirt that will guarantee a nerd to get a beating, Anna has to create a shirt that will make a goth roll her eyes in disgust, etc. Come on! If you put on a costume of a particular social group, they will just laugh at you. Imagine if John Kerry dressed up and pretended to go hunting just to appeal to a particular demographic. Oh, wait, that actually happened. And see how well that turned out?

Anyway, Daniella wins another challenge with her tree-hugger shirt. Angel doesn't even know what a B-girl is. I don't know what that is, either.

Isaac explains the elimination challenge:

Isaac: "You'll either be creating a design for a young woman inspired by the high school clique you had in the mini challenge or you'll be creating a design for a young woman who used to be in a clique when she was in high school. Those are two completely different concepts but we won't let you know which one we want until after the fashion show and we tell you that you just didn't understand the challenge."

I don't understand the challenge.

Isaac: "Let the confusion begin!"

Johnny: "I got jock. Obviously the first thing I thought of was a lesbian working at Home Depot."

Sure, that's the first thing we all thought of.

Johnny: "So I'm making leggings with fringe on the back."

I'm going to take a wild guess and say that Johnny has never met a jock or been to Home Depot.

Daniella has "tree-hugger":

Daniella: "Wash your hair, you smelly hippies!"

What the hell is wrong with her?

With four hours to go, Isaac and Kelly decide it's time to screw with the designers:

Isaac: "We really liked Merlin's outfit but we made sure he thought we hated it."


Isaac: "We were bored."

Johnny asks for advice from the other designers and then ignores it:

Johnny: "Send me home."

Yes, please send him home.

Anna's "goth" look is pretty nice. There really isn't anything "goth" about it - it's more "rock" - but it looks fine.

Reco's "drama" look is too short and looks like a negligee. But it isn't awful.

James-Paul's "preppy" look is cute. It's wearable and I see the inspiration.

Merlin's "mean girl" look is very good. He can veer toward costume but I think he pulled it off this week.

Haven's "skater" look is also successful. I see the inspiration but it also looks like something someone could wear. I wish it weren't all black.

Lidia's "nerd" look is not great. The overall look is kind of cute but, after several viewings, I still can't figure out what's going on. I guess that cheap white jacket, if it even is a jacket, is supposed to look like a lab coat but I can't see someone wearing it.

Johnny's "jock" look is truly terrible. It's sort of a jogging outfit that can't be worn jogging. Where on earth are you supposed to wear that outfit?

Daniella's "tree-hugger" look is another success. I can see someone wearing that to a Grateful Dead concert. Or whatever it is hippies do these days.

Angel's "B-girl" look doesn't seem quite that bad to me. Obviously, it isn't good. But it doesn't seem that bad.

The guest judge this week is Charles Bronson. It's possible I heard that wrong.

Haven and Merlin are the top two:

Kelly: "Let me read you some statistics. Nine out of ten dentists recommend Dentine to their patients who chew gum."

Merlin wins! Congratulations, Merlin!

The rest of the designers are brought on stage:

Isaac: "I know I just said that I was really happy with the designs this week. But now I'm going to say that most of you didn't understand the challenge."

Angel and Johnny are the bottom two:

Kelly: "As the official spokesperson for the hip-hop community, I was really insulted by your design, Angel."

Fern: "Kelly's going to bust a cap in your ass."

Kelly: "Nobody is busting a cap in anyone's ass, Fern."

Fern: "Sorry. I got a little carried away. But I also feel a special connection to the hip-hop community."

Kelly: "Really? Were you a B-girl, Fern?"

Fern: "Oh, yes. I was a Bea-girl. In fact, I was the president of the Bea Arthur fan club."

Now on to Johnny:

Kelly: "Johnny, ninety percent of the audience said they would not buy your outfit."

Johnny: "Only ninety percent?"

Kelly: "The other ten percent wouldn't stop crying long enough to fill out the questionnaire."

Johnny: "Oh, thank goodness. I didn't want to be a sellout."

The designers fight backstage:

Johnny: "I don't need to be here."

Reco: "I'm sick of this."

Johnny: "Haven, Reco is mad because you were in the top two."

Haven: "Reco, why don't you just say it to my face?"

Reco: "Daniella, you and I are the only talented ones here."

Daniella: "Reco, I am so annoyed/flattered by what you just said."

Johnny: "Whatever."

OK, did you get all that? Because the important thing to understand is that the whole argument was about ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

Meanwhile, back in the Hallway of Doom, the judges make their bad decision based on a false premise: The judges decide that Johnny is always really close to being good and Angel just has no potential.

REALLY?! ARE THEY ON CRACK?! Every week Johnny throws a bunch of random fabric at a model to see what sticks and then calls it art. Maybe he's a genius but I haven't seen any evidence of it on this show.

Anyway, Angel is out:

Fern: "Yo, check it, dog. We're just not feeling it."

Kelly: "Please don't do that, Fern."


Angel said...

I remember when I liked Fern Mallis. Now she's just annoying. Maybe it's just that I don't find black and navy chic, or that she frequently wears blouses that look like they're made of curtain fabric that my great-grandmother purchased. Also, I bet you $1000 that she had NO IDEA what a B-girl was until Kelly started talking about hip-hop.

I much prefer your ganster-ized version. THAT is the Fern Mallis I want to see on TV.

eric3000 said...

Yeah, we've all heard of hip hop but I'm sure lots of people didn't know what "b-girl" meant. They should have just said hip hop from the beginning if that's what they wanted.

But even hip hop is a pretty vague style so I thought it was annoying for the judges to say it was the easiest one to do.

Anonymous said...

Eric I love you so. This was priceless. One of your best, yo!

This show is so pathetic, but it's like car wreck for me: horrible but I cannot look away.

You make it all worthwhile sweetie!

muah! xoxox

eric3000 said...

Thanks! I thought last week was better but how can I argue with my fans? LOL!

Anonymous said...

Sigh..... great re-cap! The "9 out of 10 dentists" made me almost choke on my Jello pudding in a cup, and that's saying something.

Hey, what about Johnny's "investor" back home? I think his "investor" is a gift card to Joann's Fabrics.

I've asked several friends if they've ever heard of a B-Girl and I'm drawing blank stares. B cup? B list? But no B Girl.

Pittypat said...

Awesome recap! This episode the judges got on my nerves BIG TIME, the audience got on my nerves, Isaac and Kelly really got on my nerves, especially Kelly, and the contestants finished me off. This recap was even better than the one you did by ESP.

Eric said...

Haven's skater outfit was a near exact (but all black version) replica of Kim Possible's main spy outfit. Look it up.

Sewing Siren said...

I hated the "sk8" outfit, it looked like See-and-Sew.

Johnny is a total waste. Only using 10% of his talent, my ass. He's using it all, that's all there is.

I like Merlin and his outfit was cute, though I thought several were just as good or better.

I didn't think Angel's outfit was that far off the mark, certainly not "offensive".
But kicking off a contender in favor of a less talented designer is standard fare on PR too. It happens every season.

I think Daniella and Reco are falling in love.

I love this show. I try to keep my threshold for being entertained pretty low, it makes life more enjoyable.

Laura said...

Charles Bronson probably would have been more effective as a guest judge that whomever that girl was.

Cliff O'Neill said...

Proof positive you're a genius: The husband, who NEVER lets me read stuff to him without totally tuning out, sat and laughed out loud the whole time I did my dramatic reading.


mumblesalot (Laura A) said...

Eric that was the funniest ever and so on the mark.

I hate to offend the easily offended " B-girls" but I have never heard of them. So according to the judges I live in a cave. Bea Arthur hah.

I agree with Sewing Siren. Johnny is using 100%.

I think the judges let the cat out of the bag with their obsession with youth trends. Something we all observe:
The youth on the street set the style and the fashion industry "designers" polish it up and sell it back to us. Wow they ARE legendary designers.

eric3000 said...

"I think Daniella and Reco are falling in love."

Oh, yes, Sewing Siren, I can hear the violins playing already! LOL!

And I love the idea of dramatic readings of my recaps, Cliff!

Thanks for your comments, everyone!

Polgarra said...

This may be your best one yet.

I swear, if I made a spoof of 'project runway' it couldn't be more ridiculous than this show. But my version would be funnier instead of making me want to kick the dog.

(Don't worry, I would never hurt Cancer dog)

And I am sure you have read a lot about the debate revolving around the use of the term b-girl and whether or not this is the same as hip-hop. I think we should call this situation B-Gate. Spread the word.

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