Our long national nightmare of the sixth season of Project Runway is almost over. Only one more excruciating challenge to get through and then we can move on to Fashion Week.
And rest assured, heart patients: nothing exciting or unpredictable is going to happen.
Last week Logan was out and Irina and Althea are not speaking to each other. Unfortunately, we still have to listen to them.
Heidi tells the designers about the challenge:
Heidi: "By the way, we've already decided who's going to Fashion Week so it really doesn't matter what you do for this challenge. Tim is going to take you to the Getty Center so you can be inspired by art or architecture or gardens or the view or basically anything else. Like I said, it doesn't matter."
They are at the Getty Center! Obviously on a Monday, because that's when the site is closed to the public. That means I was probably there! Unfortunately, I didn't know they were there and I didn't see anything. Oh, well.
Tim is standing with the designers and Antonio Villaraigosa in a spot that would probably be visible from my desk, if I had just bothered to stand up and look out the window.
Tim: "The mayor of Los Angeles came all the way up here just so he could be drowned out by voice-overs of you designers saying how exciting it is that the mayor is here!"
Antonio Villaraigosa: "Like I have anything better to do? Suck it, New York!"
Althea is inspired by the architecture of the site, which was designed by Richard Meier and opened in 1997. yawn.
Carol Hannah is inspired by an amazing French bed, ca.1775-1780. The upholstery, by the way, is not original. Don't quote me on this, but rumor has it this bed once belonged to Karl Lagerfeld.
Irina is making a dress inspired by a painting of a dress. boring. The painting is Mischief and Repose (1895) by John William Godward.
Christopher is inspired by a fountain in the museum courtyard. whoopee.
Christopher: "Nobody else would be able to find the beauty in a fountain at a museum that was specifically designed to be beautiful."
I'm screaming right now on the inside.
Christopher: "No, I'm talking about the algae."
That's not algae. The minerals in the water are staining the stone. It's supposed to do that. It's part of the design.
Christopher: "Well, I think I'm the only person who could find beauty in something ugly like graffiti or dirty water in a gutter."
Gordana is inspired by an 1894 painting of Rouen Cathedral by Claude Monet:
Gordana: "It's so grey and boring. It reminds me of home."
Christopher is lonely as the only girl left in the boys apartment. But he doesn't know how lucky he is. Gordana and Irina became best friends, which means they are constantly having these fun arguments to prove what a cool friendship they have:
Irina: "God, Gordana, you always assume I'm making fun of you just because I probably am. You're such a pathetic moron. Ha ha!"
Gordana: "Oh, ha ha, I never get tired of your teasing, you evil cow!"
Carol Hannah: "Please stop that."
Oh, my god! Can you believe she just said that? Carol Hannah should mind her own damn business!
Carol Hannah: "I just want people to stop fighting."
Oh, yeah? You probably want peace in the Middle East, too, huh? Would that make you happy? God, you're so selfish.
We learn a little more about Irina:
Irina: "My family is from the Republic of I Don't Give a Rat's Ass. My father is a total misogynist so I'd love to win this competition because it would really drive a stake through his heart."
On to the runway. The judges are Nina, Cynthia Rowley, and home-furnishings icon Cindy Crawford.
Althea created a total disaster. I appreciate all the work that went into the skirt but fashion is more than just effort. She made a skirt out of lots of strips of fabric to represent modern architecture. Big deal. It's not an amazing concept. But if she had done it well, it could have worked. As it is, it looks awful. And I refuse to give her credit for "taking a risk" and decided to do something she clearly didn't have time to finish.
Carol Hannah made a stunningly boring evening gown. It's pretty and well made and so what?
Christopher made another dress out of the worst fabric available.
Gordana made a pretty evening gown that really relates to the Monet she used as inspiration. It's not terribly imaginative but I still think it's the best thing on the runway. However, It's looking a little Georgia-O'Keeffe-flower-painting, if you know what I mean. Let's see; how can I put this more delicately? It looks like a giant vagina. There, I said it.
Irina, at least, did not make a goddamn evening gown. But her dress still isn't great. The color is nice and I kind of like the classical look she was going for. But the dress should be light and airy; instead, it looks really thick and heavy. She needed to do something different with the lining. And, as the judges point out, the length is awful and the accessories are inexcusable.
The judges work really hard trying to figure out how to eliminate Gordana:
Nina: "I still don't know who Gordana is as a designer."
Gee, Nina, do you think that could have anything to do with the fact that you missed most of the season?
Nina: "That's one theory."
Heid tells everyone what they already know:
Heidi: "Christopher, do I even need to say it?"
Christopher: "I know. Goodbye."
Heidi: "Gordana, your dress was beautiful and you did the best job of representing your inspiration. You're out."
Gordana: "Of course."
So, Irina, Althea, and Carol Hannah are going to Fashion Week based on their past work. Why did they even bother having this challenge? They basically said Gordana won this challenge but they eliminated her based on her work in previous challenges?
Heidi: "No, it was because the zipper on the back of the dress was not perfect."
Excuse me while I take a Xanax.