Jason: "I'm making an 'infinity dress,' inspired by season eight of Project Runway. See, because each episode of season eight seems to go on forever."
Seriously. Anyway, the challenge this week is to make dresses for the wedding of Adam Shankman and Nigel Lythgoe:
Nigel: "I told you I'm not marrying Adam! I could never live with someone that inconsiderate. I worked all day on that shepherd's pie and he didn't even appreciate it. It was my mother's recipe and that really hurt my feelings. Plus, he totally hogs all the covers."
Well, it looks like the wedding is off, so we'll have to come up with another challenge. Fortunately, Joanna Coles, editor of Marie Claire magazine, is here to tell us the designers will be creating looks that define the Marie Claire woman. But who exactly is the Marie Claire woman?
Joanna Coles: "The Marie Claire woman is ambidextrous, hypoglycemic, semi-illiterate, and recently deceased."
Fantastic. Oh, and the winning design will get a billboard in Times Square!
Ivy: "Wow! Do you know how many millions of people go through Times Square every day?!"
Yes, I do, because I just looked it up. And as I suspected, millions of people don't go through Times Square every day. According to the Times Square Alliance, which promotes advertising in Times Square, the number is closer to 500,000.
Ivy: "Jeez! Don't get your panties in a bunch. I just meant lots of people go through Times Square."
After a trip to the real Mood, the designers start annoying each other in the work room:
Casanova: "AJ, should this pattern piece extend over the shoulder?"
AJ: "OH MY GOD! I'M NOT MAKING YOUR WHOLE OUTFIT FOR YOU!"
Yeah, so it seems at first that AJ was overreacting just a tiny bit. But Casanova does seem to require advice from the other designers on every little decision he makes. I can see how it would get on your nerves. Gretchen, however, loves the attention. Apparently, people with questionable taste find Casanova charming.
Tim makes his rounds:
Tim: "I know I'm going to regret asking this, Jason, but what the hell are you making?"
Jason: "Well, Tim, you know how straight men are from Mars and the fashion industry is from Venus?"
Jason: "I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm from outer space and that's why I don't understand how gravity works."
Tim: "It's all making sense now."
Gretchen thinks Nicholas stole her ideas for the outfit he's making. Only someone with her questionable taste would claim credit for that disaster:
Gretchen: "Will you please stop saying I have questionable taste?"
Sorry. I thought it was a nicer word than "pedestrian."
Tim comes in to announce this week's twist:
Tim: "Please hand your partially-finished garments to the designer on your left."
OK, he actually tells them they will be doing a photo shoot.
Back in the apartment, Mondo is lonely. He's not connecting with the other designers. I honestly feel for him. But, Mondo, there is a remedy. And it's right there in the kitchen. It's called alcohol. drink two glasses of wine and call me in the morning.
The next day, the designers are getting ready for the photo shoot and Tim gives his last words of advice:
Tim: "Please remember to use the . . . what the hell is the wall called now?"
The Piperlime Accessory Wall
Tim: "sigh . . . ok, use that. whatever."
Remember how everything on the runway was just mediocre last week? Well, that wasn't a problem this week. This week everything was outright tragic. Which, I guess, is refreshing.
OK, there were a few exceptions. The judges pick Valerie, Gretchen, and Mondo as the top three. I think that's a good selection.
Valerie's red dress was pretty great; it had a clean silhouette, but had really cool details that were part of the design, as opposed to being stuck onto it.
Mondo's cute little outfit with a tiered tweed skirt was perfectly proportioned and styled. It was very fun and young. He also had the best photo shoot and I think he should have won just for that.
Gretchen made a navy jumpsuit just to try to get my attention. Fine. I like it. Happy now? Honestly, I didn't think it was so flattering on the runway, but once I saw the billboard in Times Square, I could see why the judges picked this as the winner. You can really do some major dance moves in that garment. Most Marie Claire readers are acrobats, right?
Congratulations, Gretchen! I just hope this doesn't go to your head. (breaking news: it will)
While almost any of the other looks could have ended up on the bottom, the judges pick a pretty good bottom three: Jason, Nicholas, and Peach.
Peach is just completely lost. She seems to only know how to make one dress. I'm not hopeful she will last long. But she's made it through one more week.
Jason's dress is absolutely as awful as you would expect it to be. But is it awful enough to keep him in the competition? Thankfully, no.
Nicholas's outfit is a total mess. He made three busy pieces that clashed with each other. The cape made no sense for this challenge. But after Jason was eliminated, he probably felt a sense of relief and assumed he was safe. Which made it even worse when he was also eliminated. Poor guy. Looking on the bright side, have I mentioned Jason is gone?
Gee, I wonder why they would need to get rid of two designers right away. Could it be because they started out with one too many designers and last week was really the first episode of the show and not an "audition," as we were told?
Heidi: "Are you calling me a liar?"