Thursday, August 12, 2010

Project Runway Season Eight, Episode Three: Dazzles!

Before we get to this week's episode, let's answer a letter from a reader:

Dear Eric3000, you often mention your love for jumpsuits,
but do you think you would look good in one?

--Passionately Seeking Your Considered Humble Opinion

Thank you, PSYCHO. I think this recent photo of me with my mother and baby sister will answer your question:

(Easter 1971, courtesy EricImages)

That, ladies and gentlemen, is how you rock a jumpsuit. You're welcome.

I have to say I was really impressed with most of the garments this week. However, I think I missed much of the detail because I had to watch the show in its heavily pixilated online incarnation because our DVR, for some reason, didn't record the show last night.

Gretchen: "That's just an excuse."

No, really, I'm not making excuses. I'm just saying my recap would be much better if I had seen the show in HD, but I couldn't because Lifetime doesn't do an encore broadcast (that would cut into the Reba reruns), our stupid DVR hates me, and Other Eric insisted on watching the season finale of So You Think You Can Dance. That's all I'm saying.

Gretchen: "You're just blaming everyone else. Take responsibility for your own recap."

Oh, mind your own business.

Anyway, we start the episode with Gretchen convinced that everyone loves her:

Gretchen: "It's so refreshing that the other designers can set aside their completely understandable jealousy of my superior talent and give me all the love and support I deserve."

Sure, let's go with that.

Then two models we never met go home. Boo hoo.

Then the designers visit Dazzles, that store in the mall that sells wigs on one side and dresses on the other. They have to make garments out of whatever crap they can find.

Tim reminds the designers (because some of them act like they've never seen the show) that the judges don't respond well to garments that look like they were just made out of fabric substitutes, such as plastic tablecloths. Casanova immediately decides to make a garment out of plastic tablecloths.

Despite the other designers' suggestions otherwise, I do think Casanova is having trouble understanding English. I don't know why Nina Garcia can't just follow him around and translate everything for him. It's not like she has anything else to do.

Nina Garcia: "Excuse me, but I am the fashion director for Marie Claire magazine!"

Yeah, that's not a real job.

Back in the design room, everyone tells AJ that this is totally his challenge, and then everyone complains that he won't shut up about it. If they didn't want to hear about it, they shouldn't have brought it up.

AJ: "Thank you. So, you see, this is totally my aesthetic, but I'm usually the only person doing it, so now that everyone is doing it, it makes it so much harder for me to do it, because then it won't really stand out, and I'm all about standing out, and the materials are supposed to actually look like the materials, but I feel like this challenge is about transforming the materials, and so maybe this really isn't my challenge."


Kristin is using a product called "Animal Wooly Balls" for a belt. Tim is fascinated:

Tim: "Kristin, I just love your Wooly Balls! They're so warm. Ooh, and a little salty!"

OK, that's enough of that.

This season's anonymous models bring the designers gift bags filled with junk, which the designers have to use to make accessories.

Then Gretchen, for some reason, tells the designers to clean up their work spaces:

Gretchen: "And my feet ache. Someone bring me a pig!"

Andy and Ivy are creating really time-consuming dresses. Ivy gets help from her model and Andy gets help from some of the other designers. I think it's nice that the other designers can see what a beautiful piece he's making and they don't want it to go out unfinished:

Gretchen: "I have an opinion about that!"

What a surprise.

On to the runway with guest judge Betsey Johnson, who knows what makes a good cocktail dress:

Betsey Johnson: "I think you should be able to use a cocktail dress to wipe cocktail sauce off your hands. Otherwise, what's the point?"

Exactly! So, there are several terrific garments to choose from this week and the top three are Valerie, Andy, and Gretchen. Andy wins! Congratulations, Andy! His dress was beautiful! However, Gretchen's look was fantastic and I think she easily could have won again. Fortunately, the judges don't go for a "Project Runway First" (I think that would have been a first, right?), even though they had every right to and it would have been dramatic:

Heidi: "Wow, can you imagine how big a bitch she would be if she'd won three challenges in a row?"

I think it would have been an unprecedented level of bitchiness. I guess we'll never know.

The bottom three are AJ, Casanova, and Sarah:

Heidi: "AJ, your garment really sucks."

AJ: "Thank you. My model has very small breasts. I've completely lost my mind."

Yeah, this challenge really unhinged him. But he's safe and hopefully can do better next week.

Casanova squeaks by again.

Sarah is out. I'm sad because I really liked her, but her dress was awful. It was so boring.

Anyway, it's time for the Ivy show!

Ivy: "I was so shocked that I wasn't in the top three, I fainted!"

Seriously, she'll be fine! Tim didn't even know anything happened to her. Maybe she's pregnant! You have to be so careful around Casanova!


lovemesomeaj said...

First, don't ever talk about someone being pregnant by Casanova again. EVER! Ew . . .

Second, I think Casanova just has selective hearing. Bitch knows what he's doing and he doesn't care! WHAT WILL IT TAKE TO SEND HIM HOME!

Sorry for the screaming. I'll try to be calm now.

Third, my poor little AJ did come unhinged, didn't he? Everyone expected so much and he psyched himself out. He just should have gone completely over the top with it. Calm down, boy, and gear up for the next challenge. Otherwise, this will be my worst pick since Daniel. But that solo cup dress was so good, how could I not think he would take it all? Ah, I digress . . .

Finally, you had me at Easter 1971. Ok, you (and you alone) can wear jumpsuits, but no one else. Rock it out baby! But we want a little more recent pic . . .

PS - Ellen Degeneres is great and all, but I did not want to see her doing that fab routine with tWitch. She is no Alex Freaking Wong!

eric3000 said...

Unfortunately, I can't guarantee that I'll never mention someone getting pregnant by Casanova again. But I will try very hard not to. That's the best I can do.

Ellen said...

Gretchen is one of those people that I just want to smack and tell her to shut up - talk about an ego! I'm so glad she didn't win because the gloating would probably cause the show to be cancelled.

I thought Andy's dress was unique and interesting. The braiding reminded me of braiding palm fronds at church on Palm Sunday. And I loved the placement on the dress.

I don't get what's up this season with so many egos - and so little to back them up. Though it does make for interesting television.

Sewing Siren said...

My word verification is woolyballs and its arching up to the right in a hand cut chevron pattern that is very suggestive.

I am certain that the picture of the jumpsuit ( although being shorts it is technically a romper) will turn the opinion tide toward them. Jumpsuits are the new black!

Cliff O'Neill said...

Wait. Jumpsuits.

Are you secretly that club chick from Launch My Lunch?

If I squint really, really hard ...

Cliff O'Neill said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Andrea said...

If we have to keep Casanova around, I hope there continue to be reasons for him to say "plush puppies" several times each episode.

TLo said...

(Easter 1971, courtesy EricImages)

LOL. You rock!

kittens not kids said...

I am fairly certain that I had a close relationship with jumpsuits (ie, rompers) in my extreme youth also. I also had a close relationship with diapers then, too. I do not want to revisit either of these trends.

Andy's dress was pretty fab. I really liked Valerie's, too. And I admit that the odious Gretchen cranked out another cute ensemble. but she's just insufferable.

I'm ready for a more conventional challenge now, like Design A Pretty Dress for a D-List Celebrity. and how about giving them two days to work?

JordanBaker said...

I can't even begin to express my grattitude that you're keeping "Dazzles" alive.

Lucinda said...

You just earned +10 Charisma Rating for rocking Tim Burton AINW ref. You could be wearing the palm tree fug dress and still make a saving throw against a flock of GretchenHarpies.
Love your blog Mr Blue Jumpsuit Apparatus ^_~

ePastor James said...

No, say it ain't so, Eric. You thought that hideous Wretchen contraption was "fantastic"? Nina: "Fantastically hideous, perhaps." To me, it screamed graduation decoration hula skirt. It was an eyesore. Worse yet, half of my grandmother's condo in Ft. Lauderdale has residents walking around in those colors every night! Michael C./Peach made hotter garments by far.

mumblesalot (Laura A) said...

I read your recap on my phone a few days ago and it wouldn't let me comment. But I know I was laughing the whole time I read it.

The picture is darling. Your Mom is so pretty.

I do believe all pantsuits should be worn as you have illustrated with knee high white socks. Otherwise ditch the pant suits. I prefer knickers.

Don't you think my Iphone should let me read and comment?

mumblesalot (Laura A) said...

P.S. You are as cute as heck there but that goes without saying

ePastor James said...

P.S. And I forgot to mention how much I've missed your recaps since I gave up on last season, but I didn't wanna detract from the cattiness of my other comment =).

My captcha reads: uhloganz. Lovemesomeaj, please take a cold shower promptly.

eric3000 said...

Thanks for your comments!

OK, so yes, technically it's a romper and not a jumpsuit. Tomato, tomahto.

Mumbles, I think your Iphone (and all Iphones) are evil and should be set on fire. Well, maybe I'm being too harsh. I almost got one over the weekend, but they ran out.

And, yes, ePastor, I loved Gretchen's outfit. I'm not ashamed of it! Ha ha!