Friday, February 10, 2012

Project Runway All Stars: Face/Off!

To destroy your enemy you must find him, face him, and then ... become him.

This week, thanks to a revolutionary medical breakthrough, the designers have their faces surgically removed and exchanged with another designer's. It's the only way to accurately judge the best design and prevent a bomb from killing millions of innocent people.

Isaac: "Well, technically, it's not the only way. But it is the most practical."

Good enough for me. So, after the designers pick giant handbags for absolutely no reason at all, they go to the Brother Sewing and Face Transplant Center and get prepped for surgery:

Austin and Kara swap faces and create spring looks.
Michael and Jerell swap faces and create winter looks.
Mondo and Kenley swap faces and create summer looks.
And Rami and Mila swap faces and create autumn looks.

They get $200 and only one day to create looks for a weekend getaway. They get 30 minutes to recover from surgery and for sketching.

In addition to sharing faces, the designers also seem to be sharing brains this week. Mila and Kenley are both making looks for girls attending art festivals. Mondo and Kenley are both using polka dots. Jerell and Michael are making the same coat. Austin and Kara are both making painfully dull outfits. Austin's girl is gardening and Michael's girl is planning to murder her and bury her in her own garden. I'm not exactly sure how that last one is a design concept, but I'm not an expert.

Joanna can sense some tension in the design room:

Joanna: "We're going to do what we do at Marie Claire when there is a tense situation: I invite everyone to complain about one person and then I fire the guest editor. Go."

OK, well, here's what happened: Jerell made a coat and then Michael threw out his first design and made almost the same coat as Jerell. Then he pretended to be shocked when it was pointed out to him, as though he had never noticed the coat being made right next to him.

Joanna: "There. Now doesn't everyone feel better?"

Michael: "No."

Joanna: "Terrific. Good luck on the runway."

Michael and Jerell have an awkward meal together:

Jerell: "I am loving this Greek yogurt."

Michael: "I prefer Yoplait."

Jerell: "It is Yoplait."

Michael: "But you said it was Greek."

Jerell: "Right."

Michael: "So is it Greek or is it Yoplait?"

Jerell: "Exactly."

Michael: "I have never been so confused by yogurt."

Mondo: "This reminds me of family meals at my house."

Michael is mad because Jerell is gossiping about him:

Michael: "Oh, you want to play like that, bitch? OK, we can play like that."

Yeah, we already know you can play like that, dummy. You played like that last week when you were gossiping about Kenley helping Kara.

On to the runway with guest judge Cynthia Rowley:

Austin and Kara both made boring high-waisted pant outfits. Both looks are really awful, but Kara is on the top and Austin is on the bottom.

Kenley and Mondo both made outfits with short-shorts and polka dots. Kenley's was a little baby-blue polka dot jumper and it was super cute, though I'm not convinced anyone would actually wear it. Mondo's look was also nice, but the top was not great and the shorts, while cute, looked like the same shorts he does all the time. The judges' complaint about mixing fifties and eighties references was ridiculous, but I agree that Kenley's was better. Kenley is on the top and Mondo is on the bottom.

Rami and Mila actually made very different looks. I guess they didn't get the memo. Rami made a neon-blue knit jacket with tons of draping and volume in front. Apparently his model got breast augmentation since he last worked with her. That is the only explanation for how he could not have known how awful that would look. But, in case you didn't think she looked top heavy enough already, he also included a second draped sweater in chartreuse under the first one. For the same low, low price. The second sweater had the added benefit of making the model's breasts look droopy and lopsided. Really, the jacket by itself on the mannequin was quite nice. But the combination of two draped sweaters in clashing neon colors on a large-breasted model was really bad. Mila made a color-blocked cape and a skinny pant. It was nice. Mila is on the top and Rami is on the bottom.

Jerell and Michael both made big drapy herringbone coats. They are styled differently, but the silhouettes are very close. Michael's look is very polished and sophisticated, as the judges point out. In fact, it's beautiful. However, it's also kind of boring and predictable. Like most of Michael's designs, it looks like a cliched television version of what a rich woman would wear. Jerell's is much more interesting. Yes, the buttons are insane, but it's a great look. Jerell is on the top and Michael is on the bottom.

Jerell wins. Congratulations, Jerell.

Rami and Austin are the bottom two and Rami is out. I really disagreed with this decision at first. I thought Austin's look was much worse and I thought the judges were just keeping him because he's Austin. But the more I look at Rami's outfit the more I hate it. At least you could wear Austin's outfit while you're gardening. At night. When nobody's looking.

Mondo is crying because he disappointed his mother on her 60th birthday by not making a winning outfit or giving her grandchildren. Kenley cheers him up:

Kenley: "Mondo, sure you suck, but not as bad as Austin. HAHAHAHAHAHA."

Mondo: "Kenley, you always know exactly what to say to make me feel better."


Ellen said...

Loved the reference to the Greek yogurt - too funny.

Once again you've hit the nail on the head with your insightful commentary on the evening's events. I thought most of what was made was pretty awful - they either have to come up with better challenges or give them more time so they don't present crap for judging. I can't picture any one of them as a guest editor for any publication. Well, maybe Highlights for Children, but that's about all.

Sewing Siren said...

I may be the only person on Earth that agrees that Kenley's was better than Mondo's.
Although I thought they should have sent Austin home, for designing for the Golden Girls, God that show is 20 years off trend.

PS Did you get the computer? Or did the other Eric get one?

suzq said...

Brilliant as usual, Eric. I think Weinstein missed an opportunity to have Nick Cage on as guest judge.

lovemesomerami said...

Still in mourning, but somehow found the strength to muster up a response, to wit: I don't want to live in a universe where Jerell wins and Rami is out. There, I said it, but somehow I don't feel better being stuck in this tripped out universe. And I'm tired of Michael's whining. Enough already. Since this was face off, couldn't we get some killing in this episode? Just sayin.

Monica said...

i think i would have worn each of austin's pieces with other outfits. like the cardigan with jeans and a white shirt, etc. but i love the comments on rami's look. dead on. (sorry lovesmesomerami)!

eric3000 said...

Ellen, I agree Marie Claire is seeming a little out of reach, so far. Maybe Parade Magazine in the newspaper?

Sewing Siren, no, the stork didn't visit the Eric household with a new Apple product. We are trying to hold out for the next Air-Mac, or whatever it's called. My computer is working intermitently, so I'm going to try to wait.

Suzq, Nicholas Cage would be an excellent guest judge! Ha ha!

Lovemesomerami, so sorry for your loss. I really thought he was going to make it to the end. He started out so well.

Monica, yeah, I agree that Austin's peices could work as separates, which is what saved him.

Thanks for your comments, everyone!

Anonymous said...

YOU are Pathetic .. with your kinder garden blog

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