Saturday, November 23, 2013

Project Runway All Stars Season Three, Episode Five: Bonnie and Clyde: Catching Fire!

Alyssa Milano: This challenge is inspired by the hottest new fashion trend: star crossed lovers! And it’s all thanks to the new Bonnie and Clyde sequel, which will be simulcast on Lifetime, A&E, and the Weather Channel!

Are you saying a current fashion trend is the result of an upcoming television movie?

Alyssa Milano: No, I’m saying this challenge is the result of an upcoming television movie. Maybe the movie is the result of a current fashion trend. Did you ever think of that? Why do you keep asking me these stupid questions?

Well, just so you know, Carolyn Murphy already told us about this “hot” new fashion trend almost a year ago, in episode eight of All Stars season two. So, what’s new about this challenge?

Alyssa Milano: More violence?

OK. I can work with that.

So, when we last saw Bonnie and Clyde, they had just been in an intense gun battle. We pick up the story at that point:

nope. still dead.
I don't understand this challenge. This is the silliest idea since The Further Adventures of Hedda Gabler. Besides being dead, Bonnie and Clyde wore pretty basic clothes for the time, so updating that look to today would result in pretty basic clothes for today. Maybe we need to go back to the beginning of this story of star crossed lovers:

From the Treaty of the Treason: In Penance for appearing on earlier seasons of Project Runway, the eight remaining designers shall form teams of two and offer up a menswear and womenswear design at a public runway show. These tributes shall be delivered to the custody of the studio, where they will fight to the death, until a lone victor remains. Henceforth and forevermore this pageant shall be known as The Runway Games.

Alyssa Milano: Welcome! Welcome! Welcome! Happy Runway Games. And may the odds be ever in your favor. Now, before we begin, we have a very special film brought to you all the way from Parsons. President Mizrahi can’t be here this week but he did the voiceover for this film:

President Mizrahi: War. Terrible war. Widows. Orphans. A motherless child. This was the uprising that rocked our show. Former Project Runway designers rebelled against the show that fed them, loved them, protected them. Brother sewing machine turned on Brother sewing machine until nothing remained. And then came the peace. Hard fought. Sorely won. The designers rose up from the ashes and a new era of All Stars was born. But freedom has a cost and the traitors were eliminated. We swore we would never know this treason again. And so it was decreed that the various seasons of Project Runway would offer up in tribute contestants to design to the death in a pageant of honor, courage, and sacrifice. The lone victor bathed in a prize package worth half a million dollars and a guest editor position at Marie Claire, which will serve as a reminder of our generosity and our forgiveness. This is how we remember our past. This is how we safeguard our future.

Alyssa Milano: Ooh, I always find that so moving! Now comes the time to select the teams that will design the looks for the 74th annual Runway Games. Christopher...

Jeffrey: No! I volunteer! I volunteer as tribute!

Alyssa Milano: Well, I believe we have a volunteer.

Host Alyssa Milano and All Star Jeffrey
So, here are the teams of star crossed lovers from the 12 seasons of Project Runway: Jeffrey is teamed with Seth Aaron. Christopher is teamed with Viktor. Irina is teamed with Mychael. Korto is teamed with Elena.

Elena: I can’t believe Viktor didn’t pick me. I often think back to that time several days ago when I was feeding my pigs in the rain and I threw that loaf of bread out in the mud because Viktor was hungry and needed my help. I should have gone to him. I should have gone out into the rain. But then, instead of being grateful, he totally stole my inspiration for using broken rulers. I will destroy him!

The designers go to Mood. It’s more luxurious than any of them could imagine:

Alyssa Milano: I think it's one of the wonderful things about this opportunity, that even though you're here and even though it's just for a little while, you get to enjoy all of this! I’m going to find Zanna. She’s probably in the bar.

Zanna enters the design room, drunk and belligerent:

Jeffrey: So, what should we do?

Zanna Roberts Rassi: Wow, you’re so eager.

Jeffrey: Yeah, you’re our mentor. You’re supposed to give us advice.

Zanna Roberts Rassi: Oh. OK. Here’s my advice: embrace the probability of your imminent elimination and know in your hearts that there is nothing I can do to save you.

Jeffrey: Then why are you here?

Zanna Roberts Rassi: The refreshments.

Mentor Zanna Roberts Rassi
The next day Zanna has sobered up and she is being a bit more helpful:

Zanna Roberts Rassi: You really want to know how to stay on this show? You get sponsors. Oh, not what you were expecting? Well, when you're in the middle of a challenge and you're freaking out, some eyeshadow, hairspray, or even a belt can mean the difference between life and death. And those things only come from sponsors, and to get sponsors, you have to cause drama. And right now, Jeffrey, you're not off to a very good start.

A gift from the QVC accessory wall: soup again?
Jeffrey does his best to be dramatic and win sponsors for the show. He has a fit because his model went to the gym a couple of times and now he is the first designer in history to work with a model that doesn’t have the exact measurements listed. He shoots an apple out of the mouth of a roasted pig. Everyone is shocked. The reaction shots to this meltdown give the producers an opportunity to show one of the male models in a pair of very flimsy underpants. And they manage to show this shot twice by including it in the upcoming scenes before the commercial break. It works. The ratings for the show go through the roof!

Jeffrey meets his stylist, Lenny Kravitz:

Stylist Lenny Kravitz and All Star Jeffrey
Lenny Kravitz: That was one of the bravest things I've ever seen, having a meltdown just to improve the show’s ratings. I'm sorry that this happened to you and I'm here to help you in any way that I can.

Jeffrey: Most people just congratulate me.

Lenny Kravitz: Well, I don't see the point in that. So tonight they have the tribute runway, they're going to take you out and show you off to the world.

Jeffrey: So you're here to make me look pretty?

Lenny Kravitz: I'm here to help you make an impression. Now, I want to do something that they're going to remember. I just think somebody in a look inspired by the 1930s shouldn't be dressed up in some stupid costume, now, should they?

The tribute runway
Well, no, they should not be in stupid costumes. And yet, that’s mostly what we ended up. Either costumes or looks that had nothing to do with the 1930s. So, on to the tribute runway, with random judges Bar Rafaeli, Elie Tahari, and Austin Scarlett.

The judging panel was a mess this week
Bar Rafaeli: Over one hundred thousand people craning to get a glimpse at this year's tributes. And the sponsors get to see the tributes for the first time. The importance of this moment cannot be overstated.

Elie Tahari: There they are! There they are! 

Austin Scarlett: This season's tributes!

Bar Rafaeli: It looks exciting.

Elie Tahari: It just gives you goose bumps.

Bar Rafaeli: Wait a minute ... Elie, I think those are tracker jackers. Am I wrong?

Elie Tahari: Oh, those things are very lethal.

Austin Scarlett: Very. For those of you who don't know, tracker jackers are genetically engineered wasps with venom that causes dizziness and poor judgement.

A swarm a tracker jackers falls on the judges. Things get a little weird:

Bar Rafaeli: I really like Christopher’s look because the model scares me. I don’t like Jeffrey’s look because the model scares me. I have no idea what I’m talking about.

Elie Tahari: I don’t think two different fabrics can be used in the same garment.

Austin Scarlett: Well, you’re both wrong. I think I’m on fire!!!

Alyssa makes an announcement:

Alyssa Milano: Attention, designers. Attention. Don’t worry, this isn’t a twist. The regulation requiring a single victor has been suspended. From now on, two victors may be crowned if both originate from the same team. This will be the only announcement.

Oh, my gosh! A double win?!

Alyssa Milano: Attention. Attention, designers. I have another announcement. There's been a slight rule change. The previous revision allowing for two victors from the same team has been revoked. Only one victor may be crowned. But the winner will get a screen credit for costume design in a Lifetime movie. Good luck. And may the odds be ever in your favor.

Jeffrey's winning coat
Oh. OK. Well, Jeffrey wins. Now, what about the elimination?

Bar Rafeaeli: Don't eliminate Mychael. You'll just create a martyr.

Elie Tahari: Well it seems we've already got one.

Austin Scarlett: Elie, why do you think we have a winner?

Elie Tahari: What do you mean?

Austin Scarlett: I mean, why do we have a winner? If we just wanted to intimidate the designers, why not round up the All Stars at random, and eliminate them all at one? It would be a lot faster.

Bar and Elie look at Austin like he’s crazy.

Austin Scarlett: I'll tell you why we have a winner: Hope.

Elie Tahari: Hope?

Austin Scarlett: Yes, hope. It is the only thing stronger than fear. A little hope is effective. A lot of hope is dangerous. A spark is fine, as long as it's contained.

Bar Rafaeli: So?

Austin Scarlett: So, contain it.

Mychael is eliminated. Sorry, Mychael.

Season Three!

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