Project Runway episode recap: the one where nothing happens.
So, Heidi comes out and tells the designers, "Look, we don't have time for a motherfucking walkoff so someone just steal someone else's muse and let's get on with this pointless challenge."
OK, so Uli steals Michael's model.
Nick Verreos is devastated! He's crying, "Oh, my God! Can you believe that bitch just did that?! Life has no meaning for me anymore. I can't go on!"
Cher bitch-slaps him and tells him to snap out of it. I wish she had done that LAST season!
Michael has a nervous breakdown but it's a much more quiet and composed nervous breakdown. Instead of whining he says, "I think I'll just stand here and work on this sketch for two days."
Tim explains the challenge: basically there is no challenge. The designers can do anything they want. He deals with this problem every season:
Tim: Designers, you can create any garment you like.
Designers: Great! So should it be made out of garbage or something?
Tim: No, it can be made out of anything you like.
Designers: Oh . . . like the interior of a 2007 Saturn Roadster?
Tim: No, I think you should just go to Mood and get some fabric!
Designers: OK. What celebrity are we designing for?
Tim: What? No, there's no celebrity! For Christ's sake, why is this so difficult?! Just design any goddamn thing you want!
Designers: SHIT! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?!!
Well, the episode is enjoyable enough, if not very exciting. Since we're stuck with Jeffrey for the final, the editors go out of their way to make him seem cute and cuddly. We see scenes of him modeling Uli's dress and braiding Laura's hair. Oh, they're having so much fun!
The designers have to find three words to describe their style and their dress.
Michael is still almost comatose and ends up using three variants of the same word: Slutty, Whorey, and Trampy.
Laura chooses Fabulously, Glamorous, and, um, Hailing-a-Cab.
Uli chooses Partying, Drinking, and Hungover.
Jeffrey chooses the interesting combination of Insulting, Misogynistic, and Romantic.
So the trick is to design something that looks completely like something you would design without making it look too much like something you would design. Yeah, I know.
Uli wins! I really was expecting this to be the round where she was eliminated but she makes a really cute dress at the last minute and completely deserves to win. So, what does she win? Nothing. She goes on to the final with the rest of the losers.
Laura creates the same dress she always makes. It's fabulously glamorous and it looks perfect for hailing a taxi if you're late for a business meeting. What? It doesn't? Oh, well; at least it's fabulously glamorous.
Michael: what the hell happened? He had these nice criss-crossing strips going across the bodice and then he just gave up and didn't put them on. The dress looks unfinished because it is. The criss-crossing he kept on the belly makes his model look pregnant. Wait; the model's chest is showing and the dress makes her look pregnant? Was he designing a dress for Laura? That's so sweet!
Jeffrey creates a piece of crap, as usual. No, I'm just kidding; I like some of his outfits and I didn't think this one was terrible. Pretty bad, yes, but not terrible. I'm with the judges: I just didn't get it.
After much phony deliberation, Heidi announces the huge surprise that most of us had suspected since her "We're not committed to three finalists" comment: all four designers are going on to the final.
Uli, who was definitely going on to the final anyway says, "This sucks!"
The other three designers, any one of whom could have been out, say, "Oh, what a good idea!"
Next week: the reunion. I have a couple of predictions: some of the designers will get drunk and someone will say something shocking. Tune in to see if I'm right!