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Top Design Season Two, episode three: Going for baroque: or Broken mirrors are the little black dress of interior design!
Natalie: "If I could get serious for a moment, I'd like to talk about global politics. I just think that if Ronald Reagan hadn't knocked down those people's wall, Russia wouldn't have tried to get back at us by coming over here and invading Georgia. I just hope they don't invade Tennessee because all my favorite singers live there."
Food for thought, Natalie.
As you can see, I'm recapping Top Design this week. Other Eric flew to New York this weekend and his arms are so tired he can't type so I told him I would fill in. He did put up a short post while he was waiting to get through security at the airport so you can check that out.
Anyway, we start this week's episode with the usual gratuitous nudity that we all know and love.
Then the designers are paired up. AGAIN! These challenges have been pretty good so far this season but it is impossible to get a good idea of what the designers can do if we only get team challenges. There would have been plenty of Project Runway designers for each of these Top Design contestants to get their own window display. So maybe they would have had to have flown a few of them to Los Angeles. Big deal. Andy Cohen has a private jet, right?
So, yes, they will be creating window displays featuring the designs of Project Runway losers:
Jeffrey: "Excuse me, but I won."
Don't remind me. The designers are Jeffrey, Andrae, Sweet P, Santino, and He Who Must Not Be Named.
How fun to see Sweet P again! The rest are total nightmares, of course. OK, I'm exaggerating. They really weren't that bad. Except for Andrae:
Andrae: "Where the HELL is my . . . oh, here it is. Never mind."
Anyway, pairs of designers will be teamed up with a designer. Um, designers, meet your designer. Maybe I should clarify. Two Top Design contestants will be teaming up with one previous Project Runway contestant.
Obviously, there will be a lot of broken mirrors involved.
Natalie and Ondine are working with Sweet P.
Sweet P: "My inspiration is a butterfly emerging from a cocoon."
Ondine: "Well, I don't want it to be too literal so I think we'll create a window with some butterflies emerging from cocoons."
Sounds like a plan. A bad plan. Seriously, I cringed when she bought those stupid craft butterflies at Michael's but, you know what? The result was pretty. I liked the way the butterflies were swirling around the dress. And the use of mirrors was not too annoying. Natalie and Ondine win!
Preston and Andrea are working with He Who Must Not Be Named. They created a window with dark grey walls to really make the beautiful yellow dress stand out. They put some sort of gravel on the ground and hung trees and the mannequin from the ceiling. Very simple, dramatic, and beautiful. And best of all? No freaking mirrors! They probably should have won.
Oh, my god, I totally forgot about Eddie and Teresa. They were a team, right? I think they were designing for Santino. Wow, it was so unmemorable I can't say anything about it. I can tell you one thing: they probably used broken mirrors. They're safe.
Santino: "Yeah, that totally says 'gallery director.'"
Nathan and Shazia (I still haven't memorized their names so I hope I'm getting this right) were working with Andrae:
Andrae: "This window reminds me of my little shop that I had to close and . . . no! I'm not going to cry!"
Yes, you are.
Andrae: "You're right! I'm going to cry!"
We'll talk among ourselves while you pull yourself together. Andre made a boring little dress that wouldn't inspire someone to create a scrap-book page, much less a window display. He tells us the dress represents our current tumultuous political climate:
Andrae: "The bust area represents John McCain's experience and the draping of the skirt represents Barack Obama's promise of change."
Shazia: "Oh, yeah. I see it now."
Other Eric: "They should crumple up pieces of paper and just throw them in there."
Nathan: "That's not a bad idea."
Anyway, they create a mess to represent turmoil and Nathan picks out wicker furniture to represent politics and then Andrae has a meltdown:
Andrae: "How many times do I have to tell you, Christina?! No wicker furniture! I get you these pretty dresses and you use wicker furniture?! Get mommy a drink!"
Nathan: "Fine. We'll get rid of the wicker. It would have been nice if you had mentioned your aversion to wicker BEFORE we went shopping."
Andrae: "Wicker reminds me too much of growing up in Dublin or Portugal or wherever I'm supposed to be from."
The window is a disaster. Nathan and Shazia are up for elimination.
The final window is by Kerry and Wisit. They are working with Jeffrey. Jeffrey's outfit is pretty stupid but at least his vision for the window is clear:
Jeffrey: "I want something inspired by Bladerunner."
OK! That shouldn't be a problem. Oh, unless you've never heard of Bladerunner:
Kerry: "I'm a designer so I'm only familiar with Will Ferrell movies."
Wisit: "We should do this amazing rococo look!"
Jeffrey: "Rococo?! What the hell does rococo have to do with anything?!"
Wisit: "You know what I always say: if it ain't baroque, you should fix it! Hahahahahaha! Get it? You SHOULD fix it! See, because I like baroque? Hahahahaha!"
Jeffrey: "Dude, is something wrong with you? What part of 'dystopian nightmare' do you not understand?"
This was hopeless. I actually think Wisit's vision of sticking Jeffrey's stupid black outfit in the middle of a rococo fantasy would have been visually interesting. (That really wasn't rococo wallpaper, by the way, but that's beside the point). Because if you put that outfit on the set of Bladerunner you wouldn't even be able to see it. But that was Jeffrey's vision so they needed to work with it. Kerry probably would have been able to do something by himself but Wisit would not get on board with the plan. So Kerry ended up combining two separate ideas that didn't go together and the result was pretty awful.
At first I didn't understand Kerry's reference to the painter David Hockney. But after seeing his layered mirrors I realized he must be talking about Hockney's photocollages. Here's an example, for anyone not familiar with his work. The layered mirrors didn't have anything to do with Bladerunner but at least they were more futuristic than floral wallpaper.
Anyway, Wisit really sabotaged that design by not following Kerry's lead. But Kerry was still the leader and he shouldn't have allowed such a terrible compromise. Although I think it was the wrong decision, Kerry is out.
Kelley Wearstler: "Hey, everybody! Do you like my hair? RuPaul styled it for me!"
I love her.