Project Runway Season Eight, Episode Six: The Peculiar Problem of Poor Peplum Peach!
(This post is a ballad dedicated to Peach and it should be sung in the style of a narcocorrido)
Last time A.J. was out and Ivy had an "aha" moment:
Thank you for that, Ivy. Meanwhile, Gretchen just wants you to know how really really hard everyone worked:
Gretchen: "We all worked really really hard. Of course, some of us worked really really harder than others, though I'm not naming names, Michael C."
We start the episode with everyone complaining about Michael C.'s lack of talent. There is one person who disagrees with this assessment:
Michael C.: "I happen to think I'm very talented."
There you go. It's a wash. Actually, Casanova also thinks he's talented. But that's not really something to brag about.
Heidi introduces the challenge:
Heidi: "This week you will have new victims. I mean models. You will be turning their bridesmaid dresses into something that could be worn in public."
The point, of course, is to use as much of the original dress as possible. But, as in past similar challenges, they get to buy two yards of fabric at Mood. Michael D. has a Gone With the Wind (via the Carol Burnett Show) moment:
Michael D.: "I saw this in the window and I just had to have it."
Yes, he plans to make his dress out of curtain fabric, because it's wider, so he can get more square footage out of his two yards. This does not sound promising.
Gretchen talks to her mom on one of those fancy new 3-D telephones:
Gretchen: "Mom, talking to you has made me realize there is more to life than fashion."
Gretchen's Mom: "Honey, I've never heard such horse shit. Fashion is your entire life. You don't have anything else. Snap out of it!"
Gretchen's mom slaps her over the telephone, through the magic of 3-D technology.
Tim announces that there will be a designer showcase, where the victims (I mean models) will have to stand in hermetically sealed vitrines in a gallery space for an unspecified period of time and have a bunch of people stare at them like zoo animals. And only one woman dropped out of this nightmare?
Tim: "The models will get a gift of jewelry from the Piperlime accessory wall."
Haven't these poor women been through enough already?
Apparently, Michael C. is telling everyone at the showcase that Ivy is the bitch of the show, and while he isn't wrong, it's still a terrible thing to say. Seriously though, everyone seems to hear that he is trash-talking Ivy, and unless Ivy is starting the rumor herself (which is possible, but seems unlikely), Michael isn't really helping his reputation with the other designers. And that's fine, if that's his intention. But then he needs to stop whining about the fact that nobody likes him. [update: I've changed my position on the prospect of Ivy starting the rumor from "possible" to "likely"]
The designers use the feedback from the crowd to make some last-minute changes to their garments and then it's time for the runway, with guest judge Cynthia Rowley:
The runway show stank so bad my eyes were watering. OK, it really wasn't that bad, but it wasn't very good.
The judges deliberate:
Heidi: "The other designers were so mean to Michael C. last time."
Michael Kors: "Yeah. I say we totally fuck with them and pretend to love his dress this week!"
Nina: "Well, you know what would absolutely kill them?"
Heidi: "Oh, my god, YES! We'll give him the win and immunity! Hilarious!"
Michael Kors: "Ha ha! Gretchen and Ivy will shit in their pants!"
Heidi: "Cynthia, do you have any problem with acting like you're on crack?"
Cynthia Rowley: "Have we met?"
Heidi: "Ha ha! Just checking!"
Nina: "Is there any way we could bring all the designers back so we could see the looks on their faces? It's going to be priceless!"
Heidi: "Let me check the rules. OK, this could be relevant: rule number five states 'If you are in a long-distance relationship, he must visit you at least three times before you visit him.'"
Nina: "That's a copy of The Rules, you nitwit. Why the hell do you even have that?"
Heidi: "Could you remind me which one of us is married to Seal? Yeah, that's what I thought. Let's just bring the top and bottom back out here and have some fun."
Let the praise for Michael C.'s dress commence:
Cynthia Rowley: "I love how there is just WAY too much going on with this dress!"
Michael Kors: "I think it's amazing how you managed to make this dress look like a burka and yet still expose her vagina!"
Nina: "I am so impressed by the fact that you mixed ten different black fabrics for absolutely no reason."
Heidi: "I want this dress in every color, as long as it's black. Congratulations, Michael C. You are the winner! Please go give Gretchen and Ivy the thrilling news and make sure you get it on camera for us."
So Mondo, who clearly should have won this week for his adorable and perfectly constructed pink and black dress, is in second place. The judges use his weird styling choices as an excuse. But, come on, it's Mondo. His styling choices are always weird. That's why we love him. Also, he won the showcase part of the challenge, which was supposed to impact the judging but obviously didn't.
Valerie is in the bottom for her hideously unflattering dress, but she's safe.
Michael D. managed to to take an ugly dress and make it worse. He chose exactly the wrong silhouette for a plus-sized model (or really any model over the age of five) and he covered the dress in fabric that looks even cheaper than the original fabric. His model is a lovely woman and he could have made her look really good if he had chosen the right silhouette. Instead, he made every possible wrong decision:
Michael D.: "How can I put this delicately? My model required A LOT of fabric."
Yeah, not so delicate. Look, I get it. Two yards of fabric would go farther on a size two model. But the point was to use as little new fabric as possible, so it shouldn't have been a major issue. Anyway, he's safe.
That leaves us with the peculiar problem of poor Peplum Peach. Why is she trying to bring back the peplum? IT'S NOT FLATTERING! You know she wouldn't be caught dead wearing the things she sends down the runway. We love her and she had a good run, but it was time for her to go. We'll miss you, Peplum Peach!