Tim: "I am so honored!"
Tim: "Oh, just in general."
alright. So we start the episode with the girls putting on their makeup. Then we go to the other apartment and watch the women put on their makeup. Michael C. makes a clever remark:
Michael C.: "If opaque were a color, it would be named Ivy."
Well, if obtuse were a color, Michael C. would be a triangle with one angle greater than 90 degrees.
Michael C.: "That doesn't make sense."
That's what she said.
Heidi gives the designers a hint about the challenge:
Heidi: "You will need to look to the past in order to secure the future. In other words, you will need to travel in time in order to stop the rebellion of the machines that are trying to wipe out the human race."
With one day and a hundred dollar budget? That's crazy! Sometimes I wish the producers would give the designers just a little more time to save humanity.
Gretchen: "I'm totally up for some robot-killing action. Just don't ask me to make a corset."
The designers meet Tim in the "Capsule Studio," which I assume is some sort of time-travel device:
Tim: "I am just so, so honored to be standing in front of a picture of Jacqueline Kennedy."
Why are you honored by that?
Tim: "Not just anyone can stand in front of a picture of Jacqueline Kennedy."
I'm pretty sure anyone could do that.
Tim: "Well, I don't see you standing in front of a picture of Jacqueline Kennedy!"
He's got me there. I have to make a humiliating confession: I have never had the great honor of standing in front of a picture of Jacqueline Kennedy. But I'm hopeful that someday I can make that happen. I can dream, can't I?
Anyway, Tim explains the challenge:
Tim: "The challenge is to create your own personal contribution to classic American sportswear. It should be completely new and personal but completely classic and recognizable. You should use Jacqueline Kennedy as an inspiration, which means you should create something that would be worn by someone today who shares her spirit. But you should also make sure it would be something she would personally wear. Keep in mind that she has been dead for a number of years, so she would probably prefer something comfortable and understated."
I don't understand this challenge. Are they supposed to make something Jackie would actually wear? Or are they supposed to make something that would be worn by a modern-day Jackie? And why are they calling her Kennedy instead of Onassis? Are they implying the major influence should be her time as First Lady? It's always difficult to judge the results when the instructions are so confusing.
Andy tries to help clear things up:
Andy: "Jackie was a risk-taker. She was the Lady Gaga of her time. She would totally wear a dress made out of meat."
No. You're confusing "risk-taker" with "trend-setter." They are not the same.
We learn that Michael D. is hilarious:
Michael D.: "I'm designing truly classic American sportswear. I'm designing for the Pilgrims."
Valerie: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, my god, stop! You're killing me!"
Seriously, did I miss something? Is he funnier in person? Is Valerie flirting with him?
Tim makes an announcement:
Tim: "I am so incredibly honored to tell you that you have another day to make a corresponding outerwear piece and protect John Connor from the terminator."
Valerie wonders what to do about the fact that her outfit already has a jacket:
Tim: "Frankly, I'm shocked that you made a jacket. Jacqueline Kennedy would never wear a jacket. Sportswear collections don't include jackets. What were you thinking?"
I really don't understand Tim's reaction to Valerie's jacket. I thought sportswear was a pretty broad category of casual day-wear that can include jackets.
Anyway, the designers make their outerwear and Tim makes his final announcement before the runway:
Tim: "I am just so honored to be standing here in front of the Piperlime accessory wall."
Oh, cut that out! On to the runway, with guest judge January Jones:
Heidi: "Who cares that she doesn't have anything interesting to say? Just look at her!"
Heidi: "That's what I'm talkin' about!"
Gretchen, April, and Michael C. are safe. Now, many of the designers missed the mark on this challenge, but there is nowhere on earth Michael's blue cocktail dress would be classified as sportswear. I guess his coat saved him. Anyway, the three of them are discussing why they are safe and Michael tries to be clever again:
Michael C.: "Gretchen, I know Jacqueline Kennedy would want to own all the clothes you make (psst. I'm totally being sarcastic, ha ha!)"
Oh, Michael, that would be so hilarious if Gretchen actually gave a shit about what you think.
The top three are Christopher, Ivy, and Mondo.
Christopher, like Michael C., made a cocktail dress. However, an over-dressed woman could conceivably wear it shopping or to lunch without looking as though she hadn't changed from the previous evening. Without the dead animal around her neck, of course.
I thought Ivy would win. Her look was very classic and elegant and sophisticated and Jackie. However, it wasn't very young or innovative, so maybe that's why the judges went with Mondo.
To me, Mondo's look was slightly too retro for a modern-day Jackie. But I loved it and I'm happy he won. Congratulations, Mondo!
Valerie, Michael D., and Andy are the bottom three. Heidi is totally freaking out about Valerie's look:
Heidi: "Is that ... oh, my god ... a jacket over a JACKET!!?? I think I'm gonna barf!"
It's actually a vest over a fitted jacket and I really don't see what the big deal is. Look, I completely agree that it's kind of a boring look, but it's just not that bad.
Andy's is bad. Jackie would not be caught dead in his outfit. Literally. Even Jackie's reanimated corpse would have enough sense not to wear that. But, obviously he was going for a modern-day Jackie. Still wrong. A modern-day Jackie would still be elegant and sophisticated. On top of that, it was not well made. Don't get me wrong: I sort of like the idea of the outfit. But it wasn't right for this challenge.
Michael D.'s look, however, was hopeless:
January Jones: "I didn't hate the belt."
Yeah, that's how bad it was. There is nothing else to say about it. He's out. Sorry, Michael D., we'll miss you!
Tim: "I am just so honored to be standing here telling Michael D. to go clean up his space. Michael, I guess this was your Waterloo."
Michael D.: "I'll have to look that word up in the dictionary."
Well, here you go:
n. pl. wa·ter·loos2. Any homosexual who doesn't know that should have his license revoked
1. Only the best ABBA song ever