Monday, September 06, 2010

Project Runway Season Eight, Episode Seven: Taste takes a holiday!

My goodness, there was a lot of controversy last week! Well, you come here to my blog for the facts and that's what I'm going to give you. No embellishment or opinion here. No siree. Just pure, unadulterated information. This is the Fox News of Project Runway blogs. Fair and balanced. Absolute, unvarnished truth.

So what happened last week? Ivy says Michael C. was telling people at the showcase not to vote for her. But we don't have any witnesses who have come forward to support her claim. Does that mean she's lying?

Ivy: "Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence."

That's true, but ...

Ivy: "There are known knowns and unknown knowns. And then there are known unknowns and unknown unknowns. So just keep that in mind before you judge me."

OH, MY GOD! Ivy's interrogation techniques have worn me down! I admit it! I started the rumor! I told Ivy I heard Michael telling everyone not to vote for her.

Ivy: "First you give me food poisoning and now this?!"

I know! I have a problem! I can't help myself! I might as well just tell you all right now that I also stole Ed's pea puree and blamed it on Alex. I don't know why I do these things. It's probably the drugs. I'm always trying to get my next Lunesta fix. Do you have any idea what good pea puree is selling for on the black market? Well, don't try to find out. I don't want to drag anyone else into my life of crime.

Wow, I feel better now. It's like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Now we can put this whole ugly incident behind us and move on to the next ugly incident. Which brings us to this week's episode:

Ivy is losing it:

Ivy: "I just need to let everyone know that Korean women are completely crazy. You do not want to make us angry. My mother makes Kim Jong Il look like a Girl Scout. Once, when I was in seventh grade, I refused to do my homework and she blew up my bike. And when a schoolmate teased me once, my mom took him hostage until Al Gore negotiated his release. I'm serious! I am off my meds!"

OK, I don't think Ivy should pretend to be the spokesperson for all Korean women. However, I do believe she could use some counseling for her mother issues.

The designers meet Michael Kors at his yacht. He gives them some super-boring sunglasses and tells them that resort wear is meaningless since it includes anything from bathing suits to ball gowns to ski parkas. I'm just kidding. I get it. But when I was in design school I think it was called "cruise" and it was just an excuse to design summer clothes in the winter.

So we get shots of the designers on the boat and then the camera zooms out and we see that the boat is actually on the back of a trailer being pulled through the streets of Manhattan. Michael props his feet up on the railing and we can see that he is wearing brand new crocodile boots. So that's where he got the money! He drives the boat to Mood and drops the designers off to go shopping.

Just as they get back to the design room and start working, Tim comes in and asks them to gather 'round. The designers have a Pavlovian response to the Dreaded Black Velvet Bag. They will be in teams of two and they will have to make their teammate's design:

Tim: "This is exactly how it works in the real world. The top designers don't actually make their own designs. They get them made by reality show contestants who don't know how to make patterns and can't sew. Get used to it."

The teams are Valerie and Andy; Mondo and Michael C.; April and Christopher; Gretchen and Casanova; and Ivy and Michael D.

Mondo is not thrilled to be paired with Michael C. They have trouble communicating their ideas to each other because Mondo doesn't sketch and Michael C. doesn't do, well, basically, anything. But after Mondo explains how to use a ruler, Michael C. seems to do a pretty good job. Mondo apologizes for being a total bitch and then they are best friends.

Ivy castrates Michael D.:

Ivy: "How would you rate your ability to make pants, with one being as useless as Michael C. and ten being nowhere near as talented as I am?"

Michael D.: "Um ... two?"

Ivy: "That's what I thought. I'll design a skirt instead. No, that will be too complicated for you. Have you ever used a sewing machine? Actually, I don't trust you to sew a seam. Do you know what fabric is? F-A-B-R-I-C? Fabric? Ringing any bells? We'll just stick these two pieces of fabric on the model. Think you can handle that? Oh, forget it. I'll do it myself!"

Meanwhile, Valerie is pondering the meaning of life. She wonders why she can't win a challenge. She says she has sacrificed so many relationships to be there and going home is not an option. She also says something weird:

Valerie: "Things are going to die."

Is that a threat?

Valerie: "No, just a warning."

She makes the dreaded Phone Call of Doom. That always means the designer is going to be right in the middle of the pack. The editing makes that so obvious.

On to the runway. The guest judge this week is Kristen Bell. Don't ask.

We get another unimpressive runway show. Gretchen made a horrible beige snooze-fest and I can't believe she wasn't in the bottom three. The bottom three are Ivy, Mondo, and Casanova.

Ivy's was easily the worst thing we've seen all season. It was literally just two pieces of fabric loosely attached to a model. There was no design at all:

Michael D.: "I feel terrible. But I feel like it's a little bit her fault for not trusting me to do anything."

Ya think? It's entirely Ivy's fault! She didn't give him any design to make. The poor guy is completely brainwashed. Kristen Bell gives her professional opinion:

Kristen Bell: "Ivy, as a designer, it's really important that you are able to communicate your ideas to another person. I know this because I am somehow a fashion expert. Also, I heard Michael and Nina say something like that earlier."

Ivy: "But I had to keep simplifying my design to the point that there was no design at all because Michael D. doesn't have any skills."

Heidi: "Wow, she just threw him under the bus."

Michael Kors: "Yeah, she totally threw him under the bus."

Kristen Bell: "It sure sounded to me like she threw him under the bus."

Nina: "If one more person says that she threw him under the bus I'm going to lose my fucking mind."

Inexplicably, Ivy is safe. Mondo is also safe for his cute but cheap-looking juniors outfit.

Casanova is out because his look really wasn't resort wear. I don't see how it was worse than Ivy's, whose look couldn't even be classified as clothing. But Casanova lasted longer than anyone thought he would. He was fun. We'll miss him.

Andy, April, and Michael D. are the top three. Andy's bathing suit with a sarong was kind of a cliche, but it was a successful cliche. Michael D.'s dress was very pretty. It looked elegant and comfortable.

April wins. I'm happy for her but I don't completely get it. Obviously, Michael Kors encouraged her to make the granny panties, so he had to say he loved them. But they were still granny panties. They were so ill-fitting the model definitely could have been wearing Depends under there. Maybe that's what the judges were looking for in resort wear. I just don't understand how they complained about the little shorts she made for the hat challenge, which were a million times cuter, but love this unflattering mess.

Kristen Bell: "I would totally wear granny panties on the red carpet!"

Oh, please. Kristen Bell is crazier than Ivy's mother.


MoHub said...

Christopher: "I feel terrible. But I feel like it's a little bit her fault for not trusting me to do anything."

I do believe that quotation should be attributed to Michael D.

eric3000 said...

Thanks! I'll fix it.

JJ said...

This may be your best recap ever. Love your dramatic re-staging of Ivy's conversation with Michael D. Classic. I also agree about April's grandma panties, which were ill-fitted and not remotely stylish. (Although I'm okay with the win since the top part of her outfit was pretty fab.) I've become increasingly more troubled by how the judges always agree all the time. It seems impossible that they could always agree about everything, unless they are just phoning it it at this point (or simply allowing the producers to "suggest" a winner). Here at least I could see why they might want to support Michael Kors' recommendation to April, but I still can't get over their communal fawning over Michael C's hideously conceived and executed outfit from last week. It would be refreshing if one of the regular judges said, just once, "sorry, I don't get it. I'm not crazy about this look. Those grandma panties are insane."

eric3000 said...

Thanks, JJ! You're right, it's strange how the judges seem to agree about everything this season.

lovemesomeaj said...

Oh my God! Why oh why didn't they send Ivy home? I was actually liking Casanova now, and they keep the beotch instead. Could she be any more emasculating? I'm glad Mondo was safe because he definitely didn't deserve to go. I'm glad April won, but I'm with you on this one. I thought her other resort wear panties were better than these, and they blasted her that time. Judges, step away from the crack.

Cliff O'Neill said...

Marvy as usual!

So agree with your assessments. And was Casanova the first Runway contestant to ever get a best-of retrospective at his elimination?

Dude needs his own show.

Also, he totally designed the perfect outfit for Blythe Danner. Just sayin'.

Cliff O'Neill said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
eric3000 said...

That's the first elimination montage I remember seeing. For a second I thought maybe he had died.

mumblesalot (Laura A) said...

"...we see that the boat is actually on the back of a trailer being pulled through the streets of Manhattan." LOL It sure looked funky didn't it.

I knew you started all the drama last week. I was trying to post "Eric did it!" from my Iphone last week. I still can't figure out how to add a comment to a blog from said overly advertised Iphone. I did make a nice omelet on it though.

Ivy should have gone about 2 years ago.

Monica said...

I just watched this and the whole time I was watching, I was so excited to read your recap.

The best shot ever was of Michael C. and Mondo with their arms around each other like Walter and Perry from Home Movies (too obscure?).

I also have to wonder why they made this season an hour and a half long, if it means we have to watch such drivel as EVERYONE'S reaction to the velvet bag, and the whole "welcome April" thingy.

The Cassanova montage was amazing. So was the beginning when Cassanova said that Gretchen thinks he is a "retart" (stress on the second syllable).

April made her model look exactly like her. I'm surprised she didn't ask the Garnier dude to put a mole on her.

Nice job, again! I love reading these.

Oh, one last thing: has anyone ever uttered the phrase "throw [him/her] under the bus" before this show?

eric3000 said...

Ha ha! That reference was a little too obscure for me! But they sure looked cute hanging on to each other like that.

I don't know the origins of throwing someone under a bus, but I think it was used more on Top Chef before PR. I sure am tired of hearing it.

Cliff O'Neill said...

Re: "Under the bus"

This particular cliché, which has been more than beaten to death in the past year or so has its origins in a political news item from 2000. A reporter doing a feature piece about the McCain campaign and the so-called "Straight Talk Express" coined the term in reference to someone on the campaign being jettisoned.

Now, it never made a bit of sense since, if one were to abandon or betray someone with a bus, they would be tossed in front of the vehicle, not under it. But it was said and it stuck. Over the next nine or so years it's been moved from the political sphere where on any given hour of, say, Olbermann, you'd hear it at least three times, to reality shows like The Apprentice, Big Brother and Survivor. It is routinely employed (and employed and employed) whenever there are teams and someone has to take the fall for the rest of the team.

And notice how I managed to explain that whole thing without having to use the phrase itself.

If only others could be as creative.

eric3000 said...

Thanks for the info, Cliff! I thought the phrase had it's origins in ancient Greece. I'm surprised it's only ten years old.

Anyway, it makes more sense when someone has to take the fall for a team. It seemed to be misused in this last PR episode.

Sewing Siren said...

I drive a bus. But I haven't ever run over anyone. Although, sometimes people in cars pull out right in front of me. I think they must have more faith in the brakes of a 30+ year old vehicle than I do.

Vic said...

Funny as usual, Eric, and spot on. Ivy is my favorite person to make sport of since Wendy Pepper. Finally, a replacement! For since 2006 Pepperlolly seems to have disappeared off the face of the earth.