Thursday, September 30, 2010

Project Runway Season Eight, Episode Ten: The fabric of our lives!

What an emotionally draining episode! I was practically in tears over all the awful outfits this week! OK, obviously I'm talking about the emotional revelation: Uncle Sol learns through his new Facebook account that he's been HIV positive for thirty years and didn't know it. Oh, wait, that's Brothers and Sisters. No, Mondo tells everyone he's been HIV positive for ten years and has been keeping it a secret. I'm glad he got that off his chest. Gretchen, of course, acts like she's responsible for this cathartic moment:

Gretchen: "I'm so glad I could be a part of getting you to open up like this!"

God love her, I know she means well, but it really is hilarious how she manages to make everything about her.

So, yeah, we get the dramatic revelation we were promised, but we have to wait until next week to get the allegations of cheating. For some reason Ivy is going to be majorly involved in the cheating scandal, which is surprising because SHE ISN'T EVEN THERE! What the hell?!

Anyway, we start the episode with Valerie telling us, again, that she should have been out instead of Ivy, and us, again, completely agreeing with her. She's especially upset because they were best friends:

Valerie: "Every week our LatAsian fusion was getting stronger."

The designers are given HP computers with childhood photos that they will use for inspiration for the dreaded textile challenge:

Tim: "Last season Eric3000 rightly pointed out that we weren't actually designing textiles. So this time I'm going to explain the challenge more accurately: you will be creating designs that will be printed on fabric."

Yay! A totally imaginary shout-out from Tim! I live for those!

The designers look at their baby pictures:

Michael: "This is a picture taken the day my mother got upset about me wearing a skirt and made me walk around in my underwear."

Well, thank god she made him take off that skirt or he might have turned into a homosexual! Tragedy averted!

Since Christopher apparently has no family, he just does an impromptu pitch for HP:

Christopher: "My life will never be the same after using this amazing product."

Once more, with feeling!

Tim introduces the special guests:

Tim: "Please be nice to them. I know you probably hate them because they screamed at you for wearing a skirt or they got divorced or did something else to ruin your lives. But please, try to behave yourselves."

The designer's mothers enter the design room. But they don't all enter the room at once, because that would create less drama. First, Gretchen has to be tortured by the idea that her mother was too poor to get a free trip to New York. I felt bad for her. Fortunately, her mother shows up with the second group. Christopher's mother doesn't show up at all and I really want to know why. Instead, his partner visits:

Christopher: "Seeing my partner is like rocket fuel! I am totally energized to make the most boring clothes ever!"

And speaking of the most boring clothes ever, it's time for the runway!

Heidi comes out wearing a dress made of fabric she designed herself using HP technology. Actually, I don't know that for certain, but it's the only way I can explain that getup.

The runway show this week is hard for me to talk about. I have nightmares about it. It was a crime against humanity. One disaster after another. I'm just sick about it.

There was one exception, of course. Mondo's look wasn't just the best one this week or the only look that wasn't terrible. It was actually pretty great. That ridiculously high-waisted pant would not look good on many women (the slightest bump would instantly turn it into maternity wear), but the look was dramatic and fun and there was no competition for the win this week. Congratulations, Mondo!

In my opinion, anyone else could have gone home.

Michael's was fairly inoffensive, but, like all his designs, it was dated.

Gretchen's was boring and I didn't like the fabric, though the judges tried hard to like it.

April's looked like a skating costume for Johnny Weir. I'm sorry her parents got divorced, but I shouldn't have to suffer for it.

Andy was deeply affected by his mother's visit. He obviously needs to limit contact with his mother if he wants to be a designer. His print was nice but I don't understand why his fabric seemed to be different. It seemed to be much softer and silkier and more transparent than the other stiff cottons. And it had nothing to do with the design, because I noticed the difference when they first got the fabric. Did anyone else notice that?

I feel like I'm forgetting someone:

Heidi: "Can you remember anything Christopher has made this season?"

Nina: "I don't even remember Christopher. I thought a male model accidentally wondered into the room."

Oh, yeah. That was almost unforgettably unmemorable.

Christopher: "There's a huge market for boring clothes!"

Nina: "Yeah, but Michael Kors already has that market cornered."

Michael Kors: "Ha ha! Wait ... what?"

Anyway, Valerie is out. Probably wouldn't have been my choice, but, like I said, the bottom five were so boring I didn't really care which one of them left.

Valerie's was a mess:

George Costanza: "The party-supply store called. They want their napkins back."

Yeah, the judges complained about it looking like her napkin dress, but that really wasn't the problem. The problem is that the dress was awful. It was poorly-fitted and the fabric looked stapled together. The neon blue stripes on a black background reminded me of all the terrible prints created in last season's HP challenge. Sorry, Valerie! We'll miss you!

Valerie gives a stirring, never-ending speech, in a valiant attempt to avoid going home:

Valerie: "Christopher, you are the kindest, blandest, handsomest person I know. Your sense of integrity is really inspiring, unless you are accused of cheating next week, in which case you repulse me. Michael, you are not nearly as awful as I thought you were. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart. Gretchen, you never fail to surprise me with your amazing talent for insinuating yourself into everyone's business. I'm sure you will manage to take my loss and make it all about you and I love you for that. Mondo, you are my favorite gay elf on the entire planet. You should be living in a tree and making cookies. That's how much I adore you. And lastly, April. Anyway, what was I talking about before I started this speech?"

Tim: "Valerie, I'm afraid I have to ..."

Valerie: "Oh, and Tim, how could I forget you?! Let me tell you what you mean to me."

Tim: "but ..."

Valerie: "No, don't speak! Your advice has been so important to me these past few weeks. You are like my father, except that he builds houses for me, which kind of makes your advice about fabric seem trivial. And this cameraman has been like a long-lost brother to me. I don't know his name, but I really don't know what I would have done without him. And the people who bring us food! I literally would have starved to death without them! And there's that guy who stands in the back of the studio. I've often wondered what the hell his job is, but I know I'll miss him dearly and ..."

Tune in next week, when Valerie will still be saying goodbye.


famousamy said...

LOL.. Your blog is so good! I found you through BPR at the beginning of this season and you're the only one I've found worth adding to my Google Reader. (Other than the famed TLo, of course.)

Anyway, just wanted to say hi and that I enjoyed this entry as usual!

eric3000 said...

Thanks, famousamy! I appreciate hearing from my readers!

Sewing Siren said...

"Last season Eric3000 rightly pointed out that we weren't actually designing textiles. So this time I'm going to explain the challenge more accurately: you will be creating designs that will be printed on fabric."

Awesome. I live for technically accurate moments like these.
Well that and the word verifications. I always learn something new.

mumblesalot (Laura A) said...

This recap was so hysterical and so accurate. I started laughing with the imaginary shoutout, then Andy and his mom, Gretchen and her mom who couldn't afford the free ticket......and then to Valerie.

I am with you about crying over the runway show. The designs were so lame . Mondo's outfit really was miles above the others. His model looked so polished in that outfit.

Is this the saddest season for any exciting/interesting pieces of clothing.....or am I jaded? What is with all the black fabric? I missed the first 10 minutes so I need to ask was black a requisite for the challenge?

Your recap was hysterical it made sitting through all the crying and sad outfits worth it.

I think being around Gretchen would be cathartic. She is so self centered I would probably blurt out anything just to counteract her inhaling all the oxygen in the room.

Your recap was hysterical it made sitting through all the crying and sad outfits worth it.

JoyY said...

Heidi should get Mondo to help her the next time she decides to mix patterns. That belt with that whatever the rest was...tragic.

Loved your recap!

lovemesomeaj said...

"Mondo, you are my favorite gay elf on the entire planet. You should be living in a tree and making cookies. That's how much I adore you."

Oh Valerie, my thoughts exactly! How much do I love little Mondo? and his design was the clear winner yet again. Is Nina just infatuated with his designs or what?

And Eric, I thought the same thing when Heidi walked out in that outfit. And i thought the designers' stuff was hideous! She is the one judging them?

I would have sent Andy home for that sad, sad outfit he made. And his fabric did seem more flowy!

Christopher is so cute, but if he gets any more boring I will have to kill myself. And I do find myself laughing at Gretchen now rather than groaning because I do think she is well meaning, but she just has to make everything about herself. It's a riot.

My word verification is "boyarc." Just makes me laugh for no reason.

eric3000 said...

Sewing Siren - yeah, I was really annoyed by last season's "textile" challenge. But, although it was described better this season, we did not get much improvement in the actual designs. Mondo's was the best from both seasons.

Laura A - I agree with you. I'm enjoying this season, but I do think it could be the worst as far as the actual designs. Very few memorable looks, and we're almost done!

JoyY - that belt was retina-searing, wasn't it? LOL!

lovemesomeaj - thank you; I'm glad I'm not the only one who noticed the difference in Andy's fabric. Weird.

Cliff O'Neill said...

I'm so glad I was able to inspire you to write your blog. You don't know what I mean to me.

Sorry. Channeling Gretchen again.

Cliff O'Neill said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
jarilynm said...

Was anyone else thinking that the only thing Valerie left out of her farewells was, "Scarecrow, I think I'm going to miss you most of all..." ?

MoHub said...

You made me laugh so loud, my husband just told me to shut up!

kittens not kids said...

It wasn't an imaginary shout-out from Tim, because I thought the same thing as you when Tim made a point of emphasizing that they're designing prints, not textiles. And I remembered your horror last season.

So, as with Gretchen, this was really all about YOU! :)
thankfully, you're far more enjoyable than Gretchen, so it's cool if every episode is all about you.

Also, I'm relieved you mentioned Gretchen turning Mondo's revelation into a Gretchen moment; I thought I was just being snarky in thinking "god, why does she make everything all about her?"

yeah, there was a lot of shit on the runway. Mondo was lightyears ahead of everyone else. I DID like Christopher's boring clothes (I'd wear that top happily) but I also like wearing pajamas and hoodies, none of which belong on Project Runway.

this season has been exceptional for the low level of design. It's clothes, not fashion. Severe lack of creativity and innovation from this crew.
exception, always, Mondo, who had BETTER win this effing thing.

Anonymous said...

You are the first recap I read, My prediction of the final 3, April, Gretchen and Mondo with Mondo winning

Justyna said...

Hello, just wanted to say your blog is hilarious (whilst being very accurate with its observations)!! I seriously could not stop laughing at the George Costanza comment, that was genius :p Keep up the great work :-)

MizElana said...

I love you Eric - laughed out loud several times. Keep up the good work!

James said...

Next to your project runway blog all others seem jejeune.

Please, however, make sure you check out Michael C's video blog this week on the PW site where he rips Rachel Ray. Hilarious and the editing supporting his assertions is devious.

Andrea said...

I was wondering if Valerie and Ivy were really that close or if Val was just being dramatic about it. I certainly never picked up on their BFF status from any other episodes.

eric3000 said...

Sorry I wasn't responding to all the comments, but my computer died over the weekend and I was offline for a while. The good news is I talked Other Eric into upgrading his laptop and giving me his old one, which was much cheaper than having to buy my own!

Anyway, thanks again, everyone, for commenting!