Saturday, January 21, 2012

Project Runway All Stars, Episode Three: Gays in Space!

Miss Piggy: "It's supposed to be Pigs in Space, you moron!"

I know, but Gays in Space was a Saturday Night Live sketch that I assume was a tribute to Pigs in Space, so I thought it would be funny to reference that instead.

Miss Piggy: "If you have to explain it, it's not funny."

Right. Sorry. So anyway, Isaac is off this week, having his tattoos removed, which means I have to make up a name for that model who is the actual host of the show. Let's call her M, as a tribute to L Macpherson (oh, my god, I think that joke is from that old Julie Brown show called The Edge, featuring Jennifer Aniston before she became famous, which means I'm old enough to remember life before Friends, which is something I do not want to think about.)

M: "This week you will be designing for the most glamorous non-human fashionista on the planet!"

Designers: "I hope it's Madonna!"

M: "Seriously, dummies? Well, it's not. It's Miss Piggy."

Some of the designers are very excited about designing for Miss Piggy and others are not:

Anthony: "I am not impressed."

Miss Piggy: "Right back at ya, sister."

Yeah, so the designers sketch on their fancy new Kenmore Elite sketch pads and then they go to Mood and buy either black or pink fabric because those are the only options and then they fight over the only pair of shoes and gloves on the Kenmore Elite accessory wall and then Mila gets all pissed off about the fact that she has no friends and then all the designers say how they love Muppet Babies, which is apparently the only way the post-Friends generation knows the Muppets and then Joanna Coles asks the designers if a pig would really want to wear a giraffe or a nightie or a really ugly dress and they all say that, yes, a pig would love to wear those things and Joanna say OK, it's your funeral and then it's time for the runway!

The judges this week are supermodel M, designer Georgina Chapman, designer Eric Daman, and movie star Miss Piggy:

We start with Michael's shiny little dress with a big bow stuck on the front. Anthony complains that it is just a simple princess-seam dress with something stuck on the boob, which is a hilarious complaint coming from Anthony.

April made a boring black dress.

Jerell made a horrible pink dress.

Kara made a skin-tight dress. Kara loves the "movement" in this dress. I have this little theory that Kara is completely insane.

Kenley made a cute pink-giraffe-print dress. There is nothing interesting about the design, but the fabric makes it the only interesting thing on the runway, in my opinion.

Anthony made a black dress with a full skirt. It's kind of cute, but I feel like I've seen pigs wearing similar dresses a million times before. It's just not special.

Rami made a completely ridiculous polka dot flamenco dress. I thought it was one of the worst things on the runway. It's so costumey and tacky. I just don't see someone as high fashion and glamorous as Miss Piggy wearing that. The judges disagree with me, however, and put it in the top two.

Gordana made a pink nightie, because she wants Miss Piggy to be comfortable, clearly not understanding that Miss Piggy believes in suffering for fashion.

Austin apparently ran out of time and his original idea of a giant bow on the back, which could have been nice, turned into two really stupid-looking bows just stuck onto the hips. It's awful.

Mondo made a dress that looks like a pink plastic bag. I don't get it.

Mila made a kind of cute black-and-white sixties mod dress. I can see Miss Piggy wearing this for a themed photo shoot, but it's not really appropriate for her promotional tour.

Well, that was a lot of boring for one runway. The judges deliberate and Eric Daman and Miss Piggy get into an ugly argument:

Eric Daman: "I think some of these looks would not really accentuate Miss Piggy's curves."

Miss Piggy: "Are you calling me fat? You wouldn't know a real woman if she punched you right in the face, which I'm about to do."

Eric Daman: "I'm trying to be a good sport about this. Why are you being such a bitch."

Miss Piggy: "Listen, you little weasel, I am a huge star who was wearing designer clothes while you were still in diapers!"

Eric Daman: "Are you as turned on as I am right now?"

Miss Piggy: "I want you so bad!"

OK, I did not see that coming. They are totally making out right there on the runway!

Rusty: "Dad, I think he's gonna pork her!"

Clark Griswold: "Rusty, that joke is terrible. I am so disappointed in you."

The remaining two judges give the win to Michael and they send home Gordana. I seriously think it doesn't matter what Austin does at this point; the judges feel they can't send him home because he's Austin. Yes, that's right, it's a new Lifetime Original Movie:

Austin Scarlett is Drew Peterson

Austin: "I'm untouchable, bitch."

6 comments:

Tbone said...

No Porky's reference? :)

lovemesomerami said...

Thank God someone is entertaining, because the fashion was not this week.

Only knowing The Muppets through the Muppet Babies is tragic. TRAGIC. And Piggy was so reserved. She dressed so frumpy. It was, well, not Miss Piggy-like at all. I'm hazy over the whole thing. Did anyone else want to see her get into an argument with one of the designers? Where's Santino when you need him? And did anyone else want to see her rip off Rami's clothes, or at least his shirt, and maul him? Ok, maybe that's just me and my sick fantasies talking.

And I loved that you chose the Griswold reference rather than Porky's. So much more high brow.

And yes, Austin needs to get rid of the stache NOW before any more Lifetime movie references are thrown out. Miss Scarlett usually has such style. I'm confused. I did love his comment that he and Miss Piggy are alike because they both refer to themselves as moi. Too cute for words.

And I personally thought Rami's dress was right for the challenge. We all know he wouldn't normally make anything like that. Or maybe I am just obsessed with Rami. No, I'm right. I still love you anyway. But not as much as I love Rami . . .

Cliff O'Neill said...

I, too, was aghast at the Muppet Babies-as-first-reference concept. Aghast, I say.

Almost as aghast as I was made dizzy by Austin's nonsense. I kind of liked (for felt, not for flesh) Rami's look, save for the awful seam/pattern issue. Again, I did not understand how the winner won. Agains, I liked Mondo's best.

eric3000 said...

Tbone, I didn't think of Porky's! Ha ha!

lovemesomerami, I agree, Miss Piggy was too nice and the outfit she was wearing was almost as boring as the runway looks this week.

Cliff, Mondo's look is growing on me. He might have been in my top three, but that's not saying much.

Sewing Siren said...

I thought Mondo's was more Phyllis Diller than Miss Piggy. April was Dark Crystal. Michaell's dress looked like across between the winning dresses that Emilo and Anthony designed for Heidi in pervious seasons. In other words a perfect dress for Heidi. Gordina's was a great peignoir for Miss Piiggy.
I winner was a flip between Rami or Kenley.
The loser should have been Jerrel. Same dress as last week but cut off at the knees.

donna said...

"Austin IS Drew Peterson." Awesome!