Friday, January 27, 2012

Project Runway Just Deserts, Episode Four!

Last week Michael won and Gordana was out. Now Gordana is in the fight of her life, in the Project Runway Second Chance Kitchen!

Gordana: "Really?"

No, not really. You're just out.

This week the designers are inspired by Diane von Furstenberg and her favorite desert, Pinkberry:

Diane von Furstenberg: "Can't get enough of it, darling! I eat it three times a day and anyone who says I don't is a damn liar!"

The designers pick the flavor of Pinkberry that will inspire them:

Michael picks first and he chooses the original tart flavor.
Mondo picks next and he selects the original tart flavor.
Mila picks the original tart flavor.
April thinks about it and then picks the original tart flavor.
Jerell has had his eye on that original tart flavor and he gets it.
Kenley gets the original tart flavor and acts like that was what she was hoping for.
Austin announces that he actually is the original tart flavor.
Anthony thinks the challenge is dumb but he takes the original tart flavor.
Rami is relieved he isn't picking last and he gets the original tart flavor.
Kara gets stuck with chocolate.

Kara: "NOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

Yes. Poor Kara. I hate chocolate Pinkberry.

OK, it's time for the quickfire challenge. This is the fastest challenge in Project Runway history. It is also the most dangerous. If you are lactose intolerant.

In a bizarre twist, while they only have six hours to create the look, they have two full days to sketch and they get no money at all. The looks have to be made entirely from frozen yogurt and accessorized only with fresh fruit.

I'm just kidding. Obviously they will also have access to Fruity Pebbles, crushed Oreos, and those little mochi rice balls.

Isaac: "Ooh, I love those!"

Joanna Coles makes her rounds and gives everyone a little cup of yogurt to use as a hat and we learn that the designers are trying to meet the short deadline by just sticking to what they know:

Kenley: "I'm not going to do something new for this challenge."

Joanna: "No kidding. Kenley, you make the same friggin' dress for every challenge. Why would this challenge be any different?"

April was planning to make another black dress, but the mini-Mood that was set up at Parsons didn't have any black fabric:

Swatch the Dog: "Ha ha! Suck it, April!"

The designers all complain about having six hours to make a dress:

Michael: "Six hours? What am I supposed to do after I finish? Just stand around for another five hours?"

Not all the designers are impressed with Michael's speed. Jerell thinks a chimp could make Michael's dress:

Jerell: "To be fair, I don't think a chimp could make it as quickly as Michael could."

Rami is making a wrap dress, but he is not trying to flatter Diane von Furstenberg:

Rami: "I'm not making a wrap dress because I think it looks good. I'm only doing it because it's really easy. In fact, even a chimp could make a wrap dress."

Well, OK. He's definitely not trying to flatter Diane von Furstenberg.

The designers go to the L'Oreal studio and ask for sloppy buns. Then they discuss the hair.

There are two guest judges this week; apparently nobody expected Isaac to be back from rehab so soon. The guest judges are supermodel Miranda Kerr and superdesigner Diane von Furstenberg.

Time for the runway:

Michael picks grapefruit to accessorize his original tart Pinkberry. The dress does look a little like soft serve. Actually, the model looks like she's being eaten alive by a giant pile of pink ice cream. The fabric makes me a little nauseated. It's seriously grossing me out. I really need to stop writing about it now, before I get sick.

Mondo picks cantaloupe. This dress actually makes me want to go to the store and buy a cantaloupe. It looks fresh and delicious. I want to eat this dress.

Mila picks milk and sour cherries and her dress is pretty cute. It's red and white color blocking, but with curved seams, which was probably hard to do in that chiffon-y fabric.

April picks blueberry and she mentioned Violet Beauregarde, but that didn't make it into the dress. The closest link I can find between this dress and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is that Helena Bonham Carter was in an adaptation of the book and not even Helena Bonham Carter would wear this dress. 

Jerell picks fruits of the forest. If you are like me, and I know you are, you were probably wondering if 'fruits of the forest' was one of those euphemistic terms like 'prairie oysters' that you just don't want to think about. But no, apparently it's just an unnecessarily long way to say 'berries.' Anyway, I kind of love his weird dress.

Kenley picks passion fruit and makes the exact same friggin' dress she makes every week, but she used a slightly different polka dot fabric just to add a little friggin' variety. It's kind of cute. Just like every friggin' dress she makes.

Austin picks vanilla Madagascar. His dress is as pointless as the name of the flavor he chose, so I think he did a good job.

Anthony picks green tea. I guess his dress does kind of make me think of green tea ice cream. It's not the worst thing he's made.

Rami picks kiwi. The nicest thing I can say about this dress is that it completely sucks.

And Kara, of course, gets stuck with cayenne pepper:

Kara: "NOOOOOO!!!!!"

Yes. She chose to do tiers of white and brown and red, which was pretty yucky. The shape of the dress was so bad it was almost good. Seriously, I was really kind of fascinated by how wrong it was.

Miranda Kerr tells us that she doesn't personally like ruffles on dresses, and normally we would be all, Who the hell cares if you personally like it, but, oh, did we forget to tell you that she will actually be wearing the winning dress? Well, we also forgot to tell the designers, so now they are being judged on whether this woman wants to wear their dress, even though that was not part of the challenge. Whatever.

So Michael and Mondo are the top two and Michael wins the challenge and a date with Diane von Furstenberg. Miranda Kerr has to decide where to wear that dress, but unless she is attending a wedding in Moldavia, I don't know where she would wear it:

Miranda Kerr: "There is that opening of an envelope I'm planning attend."

Kara and April are the bottom two and April is out. Sorry, April.

The judges tell Kara the explanation of her dress was insane but they just didn't see the insanity in the design:

Kara: "That's disappointing, because I'm completely batshit crazy."

Isaac: "Kara, we know you are. We just need you to translate that into your work."

Tune in next week when there will be naked people in a park. Finally.


Ellen said...

Oh, now that episode makes sense to me.

Thanks for another week of reading entertainment.

Cliff O'Neill said...

The dramatic reading made for much-needed laugher here.

Oh, and Michael "Oh! I'm so SHOCKED!" Costello's dress reminded me of a 1940s dressing gown, probably worn by Joan Crawford or Lucille Ball for some reason. I kept expecting the model to cry out of Bessie The Maid.

Sewing Siren said...

Michael's looked like something a formerly beautiful movie star would have worn in her old age, after gaining lots of weight and years of drug abuse.

eric3000 said...

Yeah, Michael's definitely looked like an old movie star's dressing gown. At least the host model had the sense to point out how disgusting the fabric choice was.

Karen said...

Mila's dress reminded me of Sally from Nightmare Before Chirstmas. I'm not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing but its a thing.

lovemesomerami said...

Ms. von Furstenberg is a goddess. That's really all that is noteworthy from the episode. Oh, and Golden Girl caftans. Laughing at the thought of Miranda Kerr wearing Michael's gown. I just blocked out what Rami made because it made no sense whatsoever and was so un-Rami-like. Seriously man, just go back to draping. Nina isn't there to roll her eyes at you anymore. I kinda dig Mondo's frock and could actually see Miranda wearing it. I think she wanted it to win.

suzq said...

Both Tom and Lorenzo declared Michael's dress to be one for Alexis Carrington.

They were wrong. The dress is actually dead-on Krystle.

I looked it up.

Monica said...

Can we discuss the fact that Rami is DEFINITELY doping? What is happening with the muscle shirt at the beginning of the episode? Yowza.

lovemesomerami said...

Yeah. Rami in a tank is quite a site to behold. Drifting off now . . .

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