Friday, January 13, 2012

Project Runway All Stars, episode two: Not a Marx Brothers Parody!

As much as the world is just crying out for a Project Runway parody recap based on a Marx Brothers movie, I refuse to do it. I know the Marx Brothers are very popular, but I have to admit that I've just never quite gotten used to the talkies. I miss the days when you read the title cards, as God intended.

Anyway, as you've probably figured out, the name of this week's challenge is Duck Soup. The designers will be creating glamorous show-stopping gowns to impress Mrs. Teasdale so that she will use her late husband's fortune to save the bankrupt country of Freedonia.

Isaac: "The future of the Eurozone hangs in the balance!"

That's right, Isaac!

Guest judges this week will be Mssrs. Badgley and Mischka, fine purveyors of elegant evening apparel. Some of the designers are thrilled and others are not so thrilled:

Kara: "This is not my papoo moment."

Mondo: "Yeah, I'm with you on that. This is not my papoo moment, either."

What the hell is a papoo moment?

Mondo: "What difference does it make? Just smile and nod."

So the designers have one day and three hundred and fifty dollars and they go to Mood to buy fabric. Michael and April, who once again are sharing half a brain, both pick the same red fabric. Michael freaks out and decides he needs to come up with an entirely new idea:

Other Eric: "Why can't he just do the same dress in another color?"

Mondo: "Because the fabric speaks to you and tells you what to make. You can't just switch fabrics. Duh."

Wow, Mondo has all the answers today. Anyway, Michael switches to black jersey, there is a huge collective sigh of relief, and then the designers head back to the work room.

April starts dyeing her red chiffon and everyone is all, "I don't agree with her life choices, but I guess it's a free country, so whatever."

Joanna Coles talks to the designers and we hear that Austin is under so much pressure because everyone expects him to win this challenge. Apparently he is famous for being a drama queen:

Austin: "Not drama queen! Couture King! Oh, the pressure!"

If it helps, I think you are going to fail miserably.

Austin: "Thank you, my darling!"

Rami tells us he is only human and Kara tells us she is "off the kahunies," which at first I assumed was South African for "I forgot to shave my armpits," but on second viewing decided it was just bad lighting.

Time for the runway:

Kenley - Too bad she couldn't get more of that polka dot fabric, because it might have helped. The two-tiered pink skirt looked weird.

Gordana - Well, it was different from the other things on the runway. The top with the beaded netting was nice and I wish she had covered the entire dress in it. The two-tone purple skirt with insets looked like it belonged on a waitress at Medieval Times Dinner and Tournament.

Rami - Blech. I can't even describe this fuchsia nightmare.

Mila - Terrible. Boring black dress with sequin-blocking, which is a new technique she just invented and should never, ever use again.

Sweet P - The floral fabric is cute. The dress is horrid.

Mondo - A silver and white mini with a costumey yoke collar and train. This looked relatively good, compared to the rest of the crap on the runway.

Jerell - This shapeless tent of a beige dress made me want to vomit.

Kara - Her floral gown was almost cute.

Anthony - OK, it's surprisingly good. He absolutely kept his white gown from looking bridal, the black leather gloves are unexpected, and there is no way that dress is staying on without boob tape.

Austin - He made a gold dress covered with black tulle. I find it boring.

April - Everything about this red dress looks like an accident.

Michael - Michael blew the rest of the designers out of the water this week. His dress looked expensive and flawless. I can totally see a rich talentless slut wearing this dress.

Kara, April, and Sweet P are on the bottom and Sweet P is out. Sorry Sweet P.

Anthony, Michael, and Austin are on the top and Austin wins. Congratulations, Austin. I didn't love Austin's dress, but obviously Mrs. Teasdale did:


Cliff O'Neill said...

"Margret Dumont! We thought you were dead!"

You don't know the glee this brought the husband. He's a huge Marx Brothers fan.

I also wondered how the hell Anthony's dress stayed on that model, that model with the perfect, perfect breasts. And, as much as I can't stand Anthony, I liked that dress. Austin's bored me as well. But it was Mondo's that I thought really should have won. Michael's ArmenianFamilyOnE! dress came a close second for me.

eric3000 said...

Thanks, Cliff!

Sewing Siren said...

Really all of them did quite well, considering even the very worst (Sweet P.) was better than some of the winning dresses from last season.
Also considering the brief had such a long laundry list of (possible) requirements- Romantic, feminine, Couture touch, show stopping, ball gown, high society, gorgeous evening gown, head turning, fantasy, andlast but not least opera specific . By my reckoning they all (except maybe Sweet P) got at least two of the requirements in. Not bad.

lovemesomerami said...

"Because the fabric speaks to you and tells you what to make. You can't just switch fabrics. Duh."

Haha! Mondo FTW! Not only does he talk back to other Eric, but I liked his dress the best. I could totally see some snooty woman wearing it to the opera.

BTW, your rich, talentless slut line had me spitting out my drink. Thank you!

Monica said...

You're hilarious, as usual.

You know, though, I didn't love Mondo's dress, but it was really perfectly, perfectly made. Kudos, Mondo Guerra.