eric three thousand

Project Runway Season Twelve, Episode Six: Troop Parsons!

Come on, girls!

In this episode Tim Gunn discovers that when the going gets tough, the tough go glamping, in Troop Parsons, a comedy about lifestyles of the rich and outrageous. Flamboyantly wealthy Tim Gunn has everything money can buy -- a drop-dead Beverly Hills mansion, a classic Rolls, furs, jewelry and designer gowns. The one thing he doesn’t have is his husband Craig T. Nelson, who’s leaving him for good. Maybe. Determined to prove he’s still the creative, energetic man Craig once loved, Tim throws luxury to the wind and becomes leader of the Parsons design troop. But how much can this chic cookie take before he crumbles? Is saving his marriage really worth trading Gucci bags for sleeping bags -- not to mention actually touching bugs? Featuring cameos by Robin Leach, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Pia Zadora, Frankie Avalon, Annette Funicello, Dr. Joyce Brothers and Allison Williams, Tim Gunn blazes new comic trails in this hilarious trial-by-campfire that leaves the wilderness wilder than ever.

When we first meet Tim Gunn, he is just a bored Beverly Hills housewife, with nothing to do but to shop all day. But deep down he just wants the same thing all women want: to prove they are good enough for their husbands. So he applies to be the leader of Troop Parsons. This episode of Project Runway is brought to you by Evian natural spring water, for some reason:

My God, this is like a scene out of Valley of the Dolls!

Tim: “Bring me some more Evian.”

Don’t you think you’ve had enough?

Tim: “Just bring me the damn bottle!”

Get out of bed, Tim. We’ll go shopping at Mood.

That's not even funny!

Tim: “Fine. I can do this. These designers need a leader. They are so self involved--Oh, shit, I broke a nail!”

Tim gets his camoflage suit tailored so it’s a bit more fashionable and then he takes the designers on a glamping trip, sponsored by Evian. Evian is better than water because it has naturally occurring electrolytes and other complete bullshit.

Don't worry. That can be fixed.

The designers have only a few minutes to pack for their glamping trip.

Too much?

You call this roughing it?

Eleven designers and one bathroom? Yes.

Most of the designers are relaxing but Alexandria goes off by herself. She’s under a lot of pressure because she was almost kicked out of the troop last week and nobody likes her:

Ken: “Alexandria turned on me. She reminds me of Judas. From the Bible.”

Oh, that Judas.

Ken: “By the way, I’m Christ in this scenario.”

Yeah, we get it.

Alexandria: “I need to prove that I’m good enough to be in Troop Parsons.”

Meanwhile, Miranda just wants to shoot people.

Is that asking too much?

OK, maybe this glamping thing isn’t working. Tim takes them to a new campsite and makes a call:

Tim: “Could I speak to Heidi Klum, please? This is troop leader Gunn calling. Well, could you please tell her that her recommendation for a campsite was totally unsuitable? There were no outlets and there was dirt and bugs and it rains there. So, anyway, we found a place that’s much more us, so if any of the judges call you’ll tell them we’re at the Beverly Hills Hotel? Thank you.”

Tim tells a scary story:

Tim: “It was a cold and rainy day in March. I went to Cristophe’s, where I usually get my hair done. Cristophe had mysteriously disappeared. And in his place was a stranger named Rinaldo. I’ll never forget him. His eyes were steely grey, very cold and his hands were like ice. He said I’ll streak your hair and I’ll give you a body wave. He worked very fast. And then, as he turned my chair around to face the mirror, I saw it...”

HE PERMED ME!!!

The next day the designers try to earn their patches. They go shopping at Mood, but they have a limited budget:

Tim: “I want to tell you a story about a man who lived right here in Beverly Hills and thought that money was pretty darned important. One day he went to Neiman Marcus for the linen sale and he got these fabulous duvets and shams and dust ruffles. At 50% off. 200 thread count. And then he went to pay for them and the salesgirl cut his credit card in half. In front of a lot of people.”

Designers: “Did you have to put everything back?”

Tim: “Yes. It was a nightmare. I thought I could never show my face on Wilshire ever again. But I was wrong. These things happen. They happen to everyone. And that’s why now I only use a GoBank card.”

Designers: “Thanks, Tim.”

To prove their worth the designers have to sell two thousand boxes of cookies and then create garments for a fashion show at the annual Jamboree. Tim makes his rounds in the design room:

I'll be blunt: I'm concerned.

Some of the designers are second-guessing themselves. Bradon doesn’t think he’s going to have anything to put on his model, Tim tells Karen her look is too simple, Alexandria is worried that the judges won’t appreciate her look, and Justin’s glue-gun dress is falling apart.

Designers: “We can’t do anything right! We’ll never get our designer achievement patches!”

Tim: “I have faith in all of you. This is the most excited I’ve ever been in the workroom. We can create our own patches. Come on!”

The rarely seen Project Runway rule book

First Tim takes the designers to Cristophe’s hair and makeup studio so their models can get makeovers and they can get their grooming patches.

Styling is so important

Then he takes them to the Belk Accessory Wall for their jewelry appraisal patches:

Tim: “...and that’s why the American Indian is responsible for the turquoise jewelry movement.”

Please remember to use the turquoise jewelry very thoughtfully

There are a few more patches to give out. For teaching us how to launder money and crush a revolution, Helen gets her patch in international diplomacy. For teaching everyone how to swear in sign language, Justin gets his patch in communication.

Tim has one more piece of advice for the designers:

Tim: “Never go to Reno, girls. The California community property laws can’t be beat.”

Designers: “Thanks, Tim.”

Now on to the Jamboree runway show, with guest judge Robin Leach:

Guest judge Robin Leach

Well, where are those designers?

Tim: “Sorry we’re late. My troop and I were describing the new fall fashions to the blind.”

OK, now we can start the show:

Robin Leach: “First up, Pia Zadora is smashingly sheathed in this season’s hottest style: the wilderness look! Alexander is in the top three with this.”

The fit is insane!

Robin Leach: “Next up, Dr. Joyce Brothers is clad in khaki for a lunch at the bistro or a walk in the woods. Jeremy is also in the top three for this look.”

This is a love letter to Jeremy's husband

Robin Leach: “But Alexandria is the culprit behind this khaki mania and this ensemble is the epitome of this season’s hottest trend!”

She took a big risk with this and it paid off!

Alexandria wins! Congratulations, Alexandria!

The bottom three are Ken, Karen, and Justin.

Karen’s is just too boring. Nina can’t tell if the person is going to a rodeo or the first Thanksgiving:

Yikes

Ken’s look is also bad. The fabrication is wrong and the proportions are strange. But he's safe. Justin tried really hard and at least he did something interesting, but the final look just didn’t work. Justin is out.

It's just overworked

Nina: “I know you've been waiting all season for me to say this, but it looks like a foaming vagina.”

Tim tries to defend Justin to the judges:

Zac and Nina are deliberating

Tim: “He took a risk and it didn’t work out. Don’t you have any tips to help the designers?”

Nina: “Here’s a tip: you can prance these little princesses through Beverly Hills all you want but you will never really be real designers. This troop of losers should have been disbanded long ago. I know it, they know it, and you know it.”

Back in the green room Justin says goodbye to the other designers.

Justin: “Nina was mean but she was right. It’s one thing to try to convince myself that I’m a great designer but to lead the rest of you into danger just to save my own pride would be criminal and I won’t do it. I want to say that I have loved our times together and I will treasure them always. But it’s over now.”