Thursday, November 23, 2006

Top Chef Recap: Getting Canned: The Thanksgiving Episode.

So we start the episode with everyone picking on Marcel:

Marcel: "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful."

OK, seriously, he's annoying but he really isn't that bad. What's everyone's problem? On to the quickfire:

Mia: "So we walk into the Kenmore kitchen and there are all these cans!"

Mia, I think you mean the Kenmore Pro kitchen! The poor chefs have been so brainwashed they can't even speak without mentioning the sponsor's products! Anyway, for the challenge the chefs are given 13 seconds to create a dish using canned food. And, oh my gosh, wouldn't you know it but the results are just so spectacular that Tom can't pick just one as the winner. No, there are five winners this time! I feel used and dirty.

Elia: "I don't really see any point in going on when we are obviously being judged by a complete moron."

The losing five chefs have to make dinner for the winning chefs and Anthony Bourdain. It has to be a traditional avant-garde Thanksgiving meal.

Carlos: "That's oxymoronic."

You don't know the half of it, sister. They also can't use the Kenmore Pro kitchen; I think they have to prepare the whole meal in a hotel bathroom. Marcel cleans up first:

Sam: "Hey Frank, Marcel just used your toothbrush to clean the toilet. I can't believe you're going to stand for that. What kind of pussy are you?"

Frank kills Marcel.

The chefs try to plan a menu. Betty covers Michael's mouth to try to shut him up:

Michael: "Oh, no no no no. I don't know where that hand has been."

Rosie O'Donnell: "I find that remark really offensive! If Betty weren't a lesbian, you would never have said that!"

Elia is thankful for having Tom as her judge and for her brilliant sense of sarcasm. She questions Tom about his judgement:

Elia: "What kind of game were you playing by picking Cliff's? I tasted it and it made me puke."

Tom: "Well, I thought it was really good."

Elia: "OK, then; now that I know it was just because you have terrible taste, I can accept it and move on."

She makes a really delicious but unimaginative mushroom soup. Carlos prepares a salad at the Wild Oats salad bar. He's out. Michael creates an insane trio of starches. It's truly bizarre. Betty makes another failure of a desert and blames everyone else. Marcel actually makes a dish that is a modern twist on traditional Thanksgiving flavors:

Other Chefs: "I don't like it; the turkey is too dry, the cranberries are too tart, his hair is ridiculous, blah, blah, blah, boo hoo."

Oh, shut up!

After desert Michael brings out a cheese plate. I shit myself. Anthony Bourdain has experienced some pretty fucked up meals but I'm pretty sure he's never been brought a cheese plate after desert. But whatever planet Michael is from, Anthony is totally digging it. He says it's like Betty Rubble and Marilyn Manson had a love child, or something like that. He thinks Michael is such a complete freak he wants to adopt him; in all his travels he's never met such a free spirit. Michael is saved this week by the sheer brilliance of his ineptitude.


bungle said...

Fookin' nailz, e3K.

Especially the part about Marcel.
I don't see where he's THAT hate worthy, but I didn't live with/cook with him for the time involved.

One week Michael punks him down with the "I still gotta knock yer ass out dude" and then this go 'round Frank starts in with the badass routine toward the guy. At the firehouse Cliff said if he were Betty he'd knock Marcel's head off.
I guess Marcel is pretty mouthy for being so scrawny, but c'mon. I'm actually rooting for the dude now, well, second to Ms. Yum herself, Elia.

(by the way, never fall for that "look into my eyes" crap from anyone. ALWAYS watch the hands.)

When Frank went off, I guarantee many a dude watching thought about what he'd do in Marcel's place at that moment. It's just natural; it's what we do. Tha' Fellas everywhere have seen that kinda thing before from one angle or another. NONE of us would admit to possibly shrieking and curling up into a fetal position. ALL of us with great bravado would say something like: "If it were me sitting there, I'd reply to Frank, 'Look, just because you're a fatass don't make you a heavyweight. And just cause you ugly don't make you bad'". The reality is that MOST of us would do exactly what a caught-off-guard Marcel did and look at Frunk (you know, drunk Frank) all incredulously.

Wait, it's about the food? I thought I was watching Wednesday Nite Fites!


Laz said...

Elia "leeeks her weeesk' raw then gives herself & others chocolate facials a la Lord of the Flies and
Michael is the insane one?

Someone needs to up Betty's Lithium. Poor Marcel can't so much as inhale without being accused of hogging air. If she verbates him again I'm sicking my flying monkeys on her delusional, comfort-food loving ass. I wouldn't allow her to handle a torch & I'm glad Production didn't either.

Um, in addition to giving Frank the incredulous, deer-in-the-headlights look Marcel has trademarked perhaps he should have also suggested Frank stop brushing his teeth in the kitchen. I mean ewww, common. People cook there!

eric3000 said...

Yeah, Betty is seriously getting on my nerves.

And bungle, I think we have the same favorites: I like Marcel because I always root for the one being picked on and, yeah, I just like Elia for some reason. I guess Cliff, Sam, and Ilan are still in my undecided column.

Laz said...

She beats kittens with puppies...

top cheffette said...

Thank god somebody else thinks that Marcel isn't the complete ass everyone wants him to be..."Bad new's Betty" is blowing her "Shiney Happy People" cover. Hopefully she'll leave soon but I'm not sure who the editors will focus on if they lose their main character...she seems to be at the center of every swirling arguement...either as the innocent doe eyed one or the hard core b!#*h...a bit too bi-polar for my liking.

Ms. Place said...

Yup, Betty blew it for me in this one. I finally tired of her and I've actually been a Betty fan.

Marcel is getting razzed regardless of what he does, so I'm starting to feel sorry for him. And Elia, bless her, actually showed a sense of humor by smearing chocolate all over her face.

Boring episode, though. Why have 5 chefs win the quickfire? Bad call.

eric3000 said...

Yeah, I understand they wanted to do something different, but only having five of the chefs cooking didn't work for me. However, I must admit that if those five chefs had created a really killer meal, the episode might not have seemed so disappointing.

the Big Shamu said...

What's funny about Marcel's dish is that even by being dry it still met all the criteria of tradional Thanksgiving with cutting edge. I have been the participant of many a dry turkey Thanksgiving Day meal. I mean Tom's only advice for avoiding a dry turkey was to baste the bird every 5 minutes!!!! I don't think even a Kenmore Pro oven could maintain it's temperture with somebody opening the frigging door every five minutes.

eric3000 said...

Exactly; it wouldn't be Thanksgiving without dry turkey!

Anonymous said...

There are some major emotional folks on that show -- Betty's doctor jekyl/mr. hyde things is spooky; Elia's depressed state after losing the quickfire; and manic mike's rage. And poor Marcel -- he's just a jackass that is so clueless about his behavior. It's makes me chuckle that he's so surprised when people want to bitchslap him. Maybe their strategy is to be shitstarters to stay on the show. Perhaps.


Java Junkie said...

Sam: "Hey Frank, Marcel just used your toothbrush to clean the toilet. I can't believe you're going to stand for that. What kind of pussy are you?"

Frank kills Marcel.


Anonymous said...

eric,why are all the big gunns commenting here.
bummer, bimmer, make them go away
remember, really like the vistas here in deutchland. dont let the loud american tourist spoil your quiet village scene.
now I know why I stopped watching TC2. my man anthony bourdain is not on any more.
bummer/bimmer. bring AB back!