Saturday, August 04, 2007

Top Chef: Miami Recap: IQF, WTF?

IQF is the future! If you learn nothing else from this episode, learn that!

We start the episode with Joey looking over the balcony of the hotel:

Joey: "This is the time in the competition when people start throwing other people over a bus."

Are you sure you mean "over a bus"?

Joey: "Over a balcony?"

Are you just saying that because you are looking over a balcony?

Joey: "Maybe."

The quickfire is starring Rocco DiSpirito. I know who he is but I've never really seen him before. He's kinda cute but he could be twenty or sixty. His hair color looks like it came out of a box. He seems to be wearing an unusual amount of make-up, even for television. Most disturbing are his eyebrows. When are men going to stop waxing their eyebrows? If you have a unibrow, do some plucking, but waxing just looks so unnatural. God, I'm such a bitch. Sorry.

The quickfire is really fun! The chefs have to identify food items or cooking utensils by taste or sight. I think they did this on a previous season but I'm not sure. Howie tells us he's a thinker. You be the judge. Hung, as usual, makes a fool of himself:

Hung: "I can name that ingredient without even looking at it or tasting it. It's caraway seeds."

Padma: "That would be really impressive if it were correct, dumb-ass."

Casey totally rocks! She wins!

The elimination challenge is also really fun! What's the most important thing to remember for the elimination challenge? IQF! Remember? I just told you how important IQF is! Try to pay attention!

For the elimination challenge, the chefs have to analyze Rocco's frozen dinners to determine exactly what makes them so amazingly delicious and easy to prepare:

Hung: "The secret is IQF. Pass it on."

Sara M: "The secret is IQF. Pass it on."

Tre: "The secret is IQF. Pass it on."

Joey: "The secret is MSG. Pass it on."

No, Joey; that's not right. Anyway, they have to make their own frozen meals using the secret of IQF. Unless they forget to use the IQF method, in which case they are screwed.

The chefs have to try to give away their food at the grocery store. Howie and Sara M. and Hung and Joey can't find many takers:

Sara: "Damn it! We should have used IQF! We're screwed!"

Hung: "Joey, why didn't you listen when I told you to IQF the ingredients?"

Joey: "I only listen to people if they hit me over the head with a cast-iron skillet."

Hung: "Well, I wish I had know that."

Casey and Dale do really well with their meatballs and pesto:

Tom: "Whose idea was that?"

Casey: "Well, that's the funniest story! I said to Dale, 'I was thinking meatballs,' and he said, 'Oh, my god; I was totally just thinking the same thing!' and I said, 'Oh, my god, that is so amazing; it's like we're telepathic!' and he said, "Oh, my god; we are the greatest team ever!' and then we started jumping up and down and hugging each other!"

Tom: "You really must tell that story again sometime."

Rocco: "I just have to point out that I got a meatball that was still frozen in the middle. You should have taken a bite out of each meatball to make sure they were all cooked properly."

Whatever. Tre and CJ make something with truffle oil. They each win a trip for two to Italy, the country most famous for frozen dinners. Congratulations guys! It's really nice that they both won the prize. I hate it when only one member of team wins.

They have to send in Howie and Sara and Joey and Hung:

Tom: "What part of IQF did you not understand?"

Joey: "I still don't know what anyone is talking about. I just want to win the trip to Italy so I can send my mother out of town. I love her but it would be really nice to get her out of the house for a while. She's always asking when I'm going to meet a nice Italian girl and telling me to clean up my room."

[I don't actually know that Joey lives with his mother. Just guessing.]

Padma: "Sorry, Joey; I have to ask you to pack your knives and go."

Joey: "To Italy?"

Padma: "No, Joey; you did not win the trip; you lost the challenge."

Joey: "Oh. OK. Before I go, could you please tell me what the hell IQF means?"

[IQF stands for individually quick frozen, a method of freezing the components of the dish separately, which allows for better reheating.]


Ms. Place said...

Bwah ha ha! Don't you think this episode had it all? The bitchery? The does he or doesn't he have a face lift? The hugging and crying? A great quickfire challenge? Howie's imitation of a bulldog. Sara M's nagging. Sara N's slow dicing.

You captured it all, Eric, including that tip about eyebrow waxing. Well done.

Anonymous said...

Oooo. I wonder if IQF is the secret to those Bertolli frozen dinners. Do you know them, Eric? Not too bad. And, they're made in Italy!

God, it's so hot and I'm so lazy...

-- desertwind

Anonymous said...

PS - Salt seems to be the secret to IQF.

-- d'wind

BigAssBelle said...

did tom wax his head or something?

Marius said...

Yeah, I agree that most men should NOT wax their eyebrows. Casey totally rocked, which was kind of surprising. But I was happy for her.

As usual, funny post!

mumblesalot (Laura A) said...

Padma the spatula/mirror you are missing can be found with the makeup artist. She is using it to spackle guest judges faces with pancake makeup.

trixie said...

mumblesalot (Laura A) said... ha ha

ms place:
Sara N's slow dicing.
That was funny but also weird. Can you really be a chef and not have those skills?

Eric: a couple favorite lines:
Joey: "I only listen to people if they hit me over the head with a cast-iron skillet."

Tom: "You really must tell that story again sometime."

ha ha!

Anonymous said...

Days late -- Ha ha! I'm such a goofus and must defend my dumb comment.

Not having actually seen the episode, I didn't know Bertolli was a -- you know -- actually featured in it.

-- d'wind da hot air

Anonymous said...

desertwind ...
You should have quit while you were ahead - we just assumed you were being snarky.