Saturday, October 06, 2012

Project Runway Season Ten, Episode 12: Clueless!

The year is 1954 and our last five designers have been invited to a beautiful mansion outside the city:

Hill House, somewhere outside the city

They are met by Tim Gunn, who explains why they are there:

Tim: "You have all been summoned here by a man from L'Oreal. He is the man who has been blackmailing you and I have been given instructions that you must follow. You must create avant-garde looks for L'Oreal's new makeup line based on Hollywood clichés:

Dmitry: "If we refuse, will he reveal our darkest secrets?"

Tim: "No. But he will make sure your hair never looks quite right ever again."

Christofur: "Oh, my god, he's a monster!"

So, it's a two-day challenge, they have $400, Sonjia loses her fabric and then, after dinner, the lights go out and the next thing you know the L'Oreal guy is dead!

Tim: "This is one of the most grisly murders in Project Runway history! OK, designers, time to send your models down to hair and makeup."

Now on to the runway, with guest judge Some Actress With Nothing Interesting To Say:

Dmitry

Dmitry is designing for the Black Widow. He makes her a 1980s power suit. It's nicely tailored but is in no way avant-garde. I feel the look could use some rope. Maybe as a belt?

Christofur

Christofur gets the Sex Kitten. He creates a pastiche of old costumes. It's part Mae West and part Dior's New Look. But not in a good way. I liked the padded hip, and the candlestick accessory is perfect, but he needed to do something to make it modern.

Fabio

Fabio gets the Society Dame. It's a little bit all over the place. But that fox stole is fabulous! And it can be worn upside down! For no reason! It's the closest thing to being avant-garde on the runway this week. The only complaint I have is that the dagger is a little obvious.

What do you think, Heidi?

Heidi: "I hated it ... so ... much ... it ... it ... the ... the flames ... flames on the side of my face ... breathing ... breath ... heaving breath ..."

OK, we get it. You don't like it.

Melissa

Melissa also gets the Sex Kitten, because apparently Hollywood ran out of archetypes and two designers have to do the same one. Don't ask. Anyway, the judges love the dramatic collar, but I thought it was just OK.

Sonjia

Sonjia gets the Dead Singing Telegram Girl. I guess someone had to. It's a disaster.

Time to hear from the judges. This is going to be brutal!

Heidi: "We were very impressed! That was one of the best runways we've ever seen! You all did a great job!"

Really? I'm sorry, but I'm wondering if we saw the same runway.

Heidi: "Oh, I think I know what happened; we shot three alternate endings for this episode. So you probably saw one of the bad ones. Also, you might not know who really won or who was out. Most importantly, you know that shockingly hideous dress I was wearing at the beginning of the episode?"

Yes!

Heidi: "Well, you didn't actually see me wearing that."

Now that you mention it, I do remember not seeing you wearing that dress. How strange.

Ending A:

So, in the first ending, Christofur is the murderer, Fabio is sent home, and Tim reveals that he is an undercover FBI agent.


Ending B:

In the second ending, Fabio is the murderer, Tim is sent home, and Nina Garcia is exposed as a Soviet spy.


Ending C:

In the third ending, we find out that all the designers committed the murder, Tim reveals that he is really Michael Kors in disguise, and the person we thought was Michael Kors admits to being an impostor who has been trying to make granny panties popular.

So, to make a long story short ...

Everyone: "Too late!"

Well, I don't know which version of the show you saw, but the one thing we know for certain is that the L'Oreal guy was murdered with the HP notebook in the Brother sewing room. 

Tim: "The man had to be stopped! He was trying to bring back Lee Press-On Nails, for crying out loud! Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going home to sleep with my wife!"

Leslie Ann Warren is shocked.


9 comments:

cider12 said...

Genius! Pure genius!

eric3000 said...

Thanks!

Cliff O'Neill said...

That was, again, truly inspired. And how convent they decided to recreate one of your favorite movies!

eric3000 said...

Ha ha, thanks, Cliff! I have no idea why I thought of this movie. I don't think I've seen it since 1985 (which was obviously before I was born).

suzq said...

The funniest Project Runway blogpost ever. Love it.

Duabe said...

Brilliant! Best recap of the season -- all your recaps are wonderful!

eric3000 said...

Thanks, Suzq and Duabe!

lovemesomesonjia said...

This blog post was leaps and bounds better than the actual episode. Thanks for that. Sad to see Sonjia go, but that thing she made was just pathetic. Kinda pulling for Dmitry now. I admit to having a crush on him.

Kristen said...

Brilliant!