Friday, December 15, 2006

Project Runway Recap, Season One, Episode 7: Back to the Future: or Apocalypse When?

I'm recapping along with the Project Rungay boys, who are blogging season one on DVD. Check them out, if you haven't already, and make sure to order season two on DVD because they'll be doing that next! Now, on to episode 7:

Robert: "The next challenge is the hardest, except for the one after that. And then comes the really hard one."

Jay: "Can someone explain to me what the hell Robert is doing here?"

Wendy: "Obviously Austin and Kara are going to the finale and I'm just hoping to get that third spot. Since Austin is consistently in the bottom two and Jay is consistently in the top two I've decided Austin is the favorite and Jay doesn't have a chance."

They pick models. This completely shocked me. I really thought Morgan was sticking around to screw up some more. But she's gone!

The designers are working on one big group project but at least everyone is making his or her own garment so it isn't too bad.

Tim: "You're designing for the year 2055 and you'll be using vintage clothing to make the garments."

Kevin: "But futuristic is the opposite of vintage."

Tim: "That's right, dumb-ass."

Robert: "Are we allowed to alter the vintage clothing?"

Tim: "Uh, yeah, that's the point. Any more stupid questions?"

Jay: "I usually design for the year 2050 so designing for 2055 is going to be really challenging for me."

Kevin is chosen as team leader. We are treated to a montage of clips demonstrating how Kevin is possibly the worst leader on earth. Well, after Kim Jong Il. Oh, and George W. Bush. And ... well, you get the point; he doesn't have leadership skills. The other designers look absolutely thrilled to have Kevin leading them. OK, I was being sarcastic but, actually, it turns out there is one designer who is happy about the choice:

Wendy: "Let's get rid of Kevin! Mwaaahahahaha!"

The designers go for a deconstructed look because in the year 2055 everyone will have forgotten how to sew. Tailors and seamstresses will have devolved into a sub-species and been hunted down and eaten by other humans. They choose a color palate and decide to create garments that can protect people from the environment:

Al Gore: "Don't worry; by the year 2055 there will no longer be an environment."

OK, so they decide to completely encapsulate the models in pods. I think this may have been Kevin's one leadership decision. Obviously it's a bad one. The designers pick out some pretty cool stuff at a vintage store and lay out all the clothes on the tables in the work room and the color palate is working. Then they're stuck. Tim comes in to offer some help:

Tim: "What's wrong? You all seem kind of lost."

Designers: "We're just concerned that the Democrats will lose their fragile grip on the senate."

Tim: "Please! Senator Johnson could serve the rest of his term in the hospital and no one would know the difference. Everything will be fine."

Designers: "Thanks, Tim. You always know exactly what to say."

Tim: "Well, they don't call me the sexiest man alive for nothing."

Designers: "What does that have to do with anything?"

Tim: "I just thought I'd mention it."

Austin: "Hey, did you guys hear that Tara Connor could have her Miss USA crown taken away because of 'behavioral and personal issues'?"

Kara: "What the hell does that mean?"

Jay: "I think it means she had a cosmo at a bar and she's only 20."

Wendy: "Oh my god! She should be in prison!"

Kayne: "How could she do this to me?"

Tim: "Can we stop talking about things that haven't happened yet and get back to work?"

Designers: "Sorry."

The designers still have no idea what they are doing:

Robert: "I've decided that in the future Starbucks will fulfill it's evil plans to take over the world by completely monopolizing the coffee market and then destroying the world's coffee supplies and turning the human race into zombies. Our only source of energy will be cocaine. I'm putting mirrors on the shoulders of the garment so you can just turn your head and do some blow."

Well, that sounds about as reasonable as anything else he's ever said. Kara has taken charge. They all decide they do not have time to do the pods:

Tim: "I never liked the pods but now that you aren't doing them I've decided they were a good idea. I think my brain is bleeding."

Jay: "My garment is complete crap."

Tim: "This is not the time for honesty. This is the time for complete bullshit."

Jay: "Sorry. My garment is fabulous!"

Tim: "That's the spirit."

That night, back at the apartment, the closest thing we get to a party is Robert offering Jay a beer. Is that why this episode is so boring? Not enough alcohol? The designers are all discussing how to defend their crappy collection. Except for Austin, who is completely consumed with studying a pink purse, and Wendy, who is just laughing like a mental patient.

On to the runway: The judges are Michael Kors, Anne Slowey, and Betsey Johnson. Austin has created a cocktail dress with possibly the worst proportions I've ever seen. And to make it look even more dumpy he's put the model in flats. If I see someone dressed like this at a cocktail party in 2055 I will know it is time to take my own life. Jay creates a club wear look. As usual, it's pretty good. Kara makes a business suit. It looks like something out of Aeon Flux or The Matrix. It's a little costumey and derivative but it's effective and dramatic and she wins. Robert creates a street wear look:

Anne: "So, Robert, would you like to explain to us how this is like a sports car?"

Ah, there's that famous Slowey sense of humor again. No, wait, this is the first time I've ever witnessed her sense of humor.

Robert: "In the future there will be no coffee so people will get their energy directly from the sun like Superman."

Anne: "Oh, that makes sense. You have pretty eyes. Did I just say that out loud?"

Wendy creates a youth outfit. It's really not bad. I don't know what Anne's problem is with it:

Anne: "It looks like my cat just shredded my old sweater."

OK, we don't need to hear about your personal problems, Anne. Michael and Betsey agree that it fits in with the deconstructed look of Kara's and Jay's. Wendy's gimmick was attaching a tool belt for a GPS device and all the other crap someone will need in the future. Duh; all that stuff will be implanted under our skin in the future, Wendy. Everyone knows that!

Kevin, creates a pretty but boring dress that has it's sleeves attached to it's sides for no apparent reason.

Kevin: "I think in the future people will have their arms surgically attached to their sides."

Oh, now I get it. Unfortunately it doesn't fit in with the collection at all, which is a major problem since he was the leader and supposedly made the decision for what the collection was supposed to look like. He's out. But first there was this drama:

Earlier, in the design room:

Designers: "Kevin is a terrible leader!"

Tim: "Wendy, would you be willing to say that Kevin is a terrible leader?"

Wendy: "Uh, yeah, I guess so."

On the runway:

Anne: "So Wendy, would you like to tell us what a terrible leader Kevin was?"

Wendy: "Uh, I think he probably could have done a better job with time management."

Oh My God! Can you believe the bitch just said that?!

Robert: "Kevin was an amazing leader!"

Jay: "I can't imagine having a better leader!"

Austin: "He was like Gandhi or Martin Luther King, Jr."

Kara: "He led the shit out of us!"

Great, now everyone has the excuse to hate Wendy they've been waiting for!

8 comments:

Ms. Place said...

T'was a boring episode except for the Wendy comments (Yahoos, idiots, etc.) And Betsy Johnson was almost a nonpresence. How did they manage that?

Your recap was way more interesting! Thanks!

eric said...

I remember being really upset with the other designers for ganging up against Wendy at this point. She was totally set up by someone (Tim, the producers, ?).

Then that holier than thou bitch, Anne, had the balls to ask Wendy, "how was Kevin as a leader?"

Wendy: "Well, honestly he wasn't that good."

Anne: I cannot believe that evil with threw her fearless leader under the bus.

Anonymous said...

Thank you, Eric3000, for brightening the pre-holiday gloom.

or should that be "doom"?

-- desertwind

BigAssBelle said...

this is hysterical ~ loved the appearance of ghosts from the past ~ or i guess the future, since the is season 1.

oh sigh. now i'm feeling a little distraught over my wendy-hate. don't know whether to thank you or spank you.

loved "take my own life" re the cocktail dress (ugh).

carry on!!

eric3000 said...

Oh, good; if I can change one mind I've done my job. No, really, I'm no huge Wendy fan; I just think people are being harder on her than she deserves.

Ms.Place said...

I just think people are being harder on her than she deserves

When I watched PR1 for the first time, I was sympathetic of Wendy. I had missed the first two shows, and didn't see the development of her "strategy." Second time around, I am seeing the TOTAL Wendy. La Pepper has some talents (I do like some of her evening gowns) but the woman is so erratic. So willing to please one and all. (Just observe how her makeup changes from episode to episode.) It's like she has no center.

She is an easy mark. With her Lollie Pepper branding, she makes herself an even easier target.

I love your posts, Eric, because you are not outright mean and nasty to anyone, and you are downright funny.

Ms. Place said...

Left you a present on my blog, Eric. :)

Anonymous said...

Eric,
ur so schizo in ur write-up. I used to bea able to follow you. But now I am so not into bravo/blahvo shows.
so what should I be watching next.
discovery n travel?
gonna climb Kota Kinabalu in Aug, and maybe machu picchu or iguazu falls in Oct. maybe croatia dubrovnik
whadu U think?
sounds like a plan?