Top Chef Recap: Episode 8: The Chrismukkah Episode: or The one where Mia finally throws herself under a bus!
The chefs are dealing with the loss of Frank:
Marcel: "I can sleep a little easier now that he won't be here snoring. Oh, yeah, I also don't have to worry about him killing me in my sleep anymore."
Sam: "When Frank left he broke my knife bag. Now I'm glad I smashed his sunglasses and blamed it on Marcel."
All the chefs, especially Mia (hint, hint) are complaining about being away from home for so long. It looks like they've finally had enough:
Sam: "Should we go?"
Ooh, where are they going? Are they all quitting? Are they going dancing? Are they going to see Dreamgirls? Nope. Turns out they are just going to the Kenmore kitchen. What a letdown. Well, there is a bright side:
Betty: "The Kenmore kitchen is completely filled with booze! My prayers have been answered!"
OK, apparently this portion of the show has been brought to you by Bailey's. The guest judge is Kristin Woodward, a licensed joyologist. Or is it mixologist? Whatever; it's some stupid, made-up word. She's a practitioner in the noble profession of helping people forget their troubles and get laid.
Uli: "Are you talking about getting vaysted? Because I have the perfect dress for that!"
Yes, yes, we know. The chefs have to make a mixed drink using Bailey's disgusting alcoholic syrup. They are also supposed to make a Christmas nibble, or something like that.
Ilan: "I've never heard of this "Christmas" you speak of. I guess I'll just make a Hanukkah snack and hope that's similar."
Mike: "OK, I know I say this every time but this is my specialty so I really have to win this one."
Mia doesn't use a nice enough glass so she's in the bottom. Betty's drink looks like vomit and apparently tastes even worse so she's in the bottom. Cliff wins the quickfire:
Cliff: "It's really good to win immunity because that means you are immune from being eliminated in the elimination challenge."
Thanks for clearing that up for us, Cliff.
Oh, crap; team challenge. I hate these. OK, there's team Black and team Orange and they are making appetizers for two hundred people who have just walked down a red carpet for no reason. This portion of the show has been brought to you by Warner Bros. and Los Angeles Magazine, the magazine for people who love advertisements.
Team Orange is Sam, Ilan, Marcel, and Betty.
Ilan: "OK, I think we can all agree that Sam should be the leader of our team."
Marcel: "Oh, really? We'll just see about that."
Team Black is Cliff, Elia, Mike, and Mia. At first they don't seem to have a leader. But one thing is for sure: it is not Mia:
Mia: "I think we should serve lots of different appetizers. "
Rest of Team: "No, that's a terrible idea. We should just supply napkins and no food. It's better to have really good napkins than to screw up a bunch of dishes."
Mia: "Whatever. You all suck."
At the store there is a change in plan:
Cliff: "Mia, we've decided to not even supply napkins so we can really concentrate on standing around doing nothing."
Mia: "What? Why are you doing this?"
Cliff: "Because I have immunity."
Mia: "Have I mentioned you suck?"
At the seafood counter we witness this shocking exchange:
Marcel: "Don't put the mussels in plastic. You'll suffocate them."
Ilan: "Don't be a dick."
Oh my god! Ilan is in favor of suffocating mussels! Someone call PETA!
So, this is the team Orange menu:
Crab cakes, shrimp skewers, pickles mussels, calamari with dip, bread pudding, beef tenderloin with blue cheese, cauliflower a la plancha, croquetas, salmon mousse, confit of pork, mushroom tart, vegetable terrine, and chorizo and egg tostadas.
Team Black will have a fruit and cheese plate.
Tom: "So, the other team is serving 13 dishes. You have no chance. OK, good luck!"
Somehow Elia is now in charge of this disaster. It sure seemed like Cliff was in charge when they were making all the terrible menu decisions in the beginning. And it would have made sense for him to be the leader since he has nothing to lose. Oh well, let Elia take the fall.
OK, they are serving their food on the Warner Bros. lot on the street with the Huxtable house. Fun! I recognize of couple of minor character from Studio 60 and that's about it. Who are these people? The guest judge is Lee Hefter and Ted is filling in for Gail. Team Black does make better food but there just is not enough of it. Team Orange makes some pretty standard food but they really put out an amazing spread for the money they had. Team Orange wins.
Marcel: "I know we won but I'd like to defend myself anyway and say that I was my own leader."
OK, Ilan's right: Marcel is a dick.
Sam deserves credit for leading that amazing team effort. He wins a ginormous box of knives. Hey, Sam, I think Marcel would like you to show him your knives, if you know what I mean.
Team Black was a disaster and anyone stupid enough to take the leadership role deserves to leave. Elia takes complete responsibility. Cliff throws Mia under a bus:
Cliff: "This is all Mia's fault because I completely ignored everything she said."
Mia: "Cliff, you can kiss my big black ass!"
Mia seems to have a split personality is this episode:
Mia: "I thought Elia was a terrible leader for not listening to me. But then I thought she was a really good leader and did an excellent job. And then I thought she was a terrible leader again at the judges' table. And then I thought she was such a good leader I decided to take the fall for her."
Ow, I have whiplash.
Tom: "Mia, are you telling us you're quitting?"
Mia: "No, first I'm going to tell you why I'm not a quitter and then I'll tell you I'm quitting. Now, many of you don't know this because I've only mentioned it a few dozen times, but I was homeless. I was working as a salesman and raising my son by myself and then we got kicked out of our apartment and I decided to take an unpaid internship with a Wall Street investment firm ..."
Tom: "No, I think that's the plot to the new Will Smith movie."