Project Runway Recap, Season One, Episode 8: Going Postal: or [insert better title here; seriously, you can do better than that]!
Previously on Project Runway:
Everyone hates Wendy.
What? You were expecting more? Nope; that's pretty much all you need to know.
On to this week's episode:
Robert tells us AGAIN how important this next challenge is.
Jay: "No, seriously, what the hell is he doing here?"
The designers get brown paper packages tied up with string. I don't think anyone will be surprised to learn that this is one of Austin's favorite things. They try to guess what is in the packages:
Robert: "Do you think it could be a sports car?"
Jay: "I think there are babies inside. I can hear crying."
Austin: "No, that's just Wendy. I know; let's all gossip about her! It'll be fun!"
Wendy: "OK, I just have something to say. Someone ruined this photograph of my daughter and I want to try to milk this for everything it's worth. This is the only photograph ever taken of my daughter and it was taken using the daguerreotype method, which means there is no negative. And because this picture is my most prized possession I've never made a copy of it because that would make it less special. So, my point is, whoever did this has destroyed the memory of my daughter. In fact, I can't even remember what she looks like anymore."
Austin: "Wow, Wendy, that's a terrible story."
Wendy: "Thank you for understanding, Austin."
Austin: "No, I mean your story sounds like bullshit. This photographs is so precious to you but you never made a copy of it?"
Wendy: "I was busy."
Robert: "Whoever did this should rot in hell forever. But it could have been anyone."
Really? OK, then it was probably the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth.
Robert: "Well, not anyone. but it could have been one of the models."
He has point. I actually thought it could have been Morgan after the way Wendy led her on and then dumped her at the beginning of the last episode. And she's vapid enough to do something this thoughtless. But would she have had access to the design room after she was kicked off the show? It's hard to imagine anyone else doing it. I guess this will just have to remain one of the great unsolved mysteries. It's just too bad Bravo doesn't have cameras constantly recording everything. What? They do?
Back at the apartment Jay is goofing around and when Robert comes out of the shower Jay rips his towel off of him. He's completely naked and we get a really nice view of his ass as he runs back to the bathroom. Right, so now we're rewinding that part to make sure we didn't miss anything important and ... um ... sorry, what was I talking about? Huh? Oh, yeah, I was saying that I think Robert is really talented and I'm really going to miss him. Wait, is that what I meant to say?
OK, that's enough drama. We actually have a fun challenge this time. The designers have to redesign postal uniforms. They are each given a different uniform to wear and it is amazing how well they seem to fit their individual personalities. Someone did a good job picking these out. Austin is wearing the gayest postal uniform I have ever seen. Or maybe Austin just magically makes everything he wears look like the gayest thing I've ever seen. Either way, he looks great! They have to go on rounds with some postal carriers. Wendy is taking this very seriously and asking lots of questions. She decides the current uniforms are good the way they are and don't need to be redesigned. All she needs to do is make them a little bit uglier and they'll be perfect!
Tim: "Wendy, those hideous sneakers may be fine for you but a postal worker could never wear something that awful. This challenge has nothing to do with comfort and practicality. I suggest you use some silver pumps. And Jay, Julia probably won't show up. Sucks to be you. Carry on, everyone!"
So, Julia is the new Morgan. This is why I thought Morgan made it to this challenge. I don't see why this is Jay's problem. The producers should find a new model for him. Robert is going through his little black book trying to find a replacement:
Robert: "Why do these girls keep hanging up on me? Sorry, Jay, you're out of luck."
Jay's out on the street looking for models:
Jay: "Hey, anyone want to be a model? It pays nothing. Come on! Man, these people all look like stockbrokers. Where are all the supermodels wandering the streets that you see in the movies?"
Wendy is also out on the street but she's trying to make up for her terrible design by practicing the speech she's going to make to the judges. She's out on the street talking to herself. If it weren't for her Cruella deVille hair you would not be able to distinguish her from the authentic New Yorkers. The other designers decide this finally proves she is insane.
Jay is unsuccessful with the model search. This next part works out so perfectly that it almost seems scripted. Jay uses Austin as his model. Austin happens to be exactly the same size as Julia, who also has no hips or breasts. Jay's outfit is very unisex and looks terrific on Austin. In fact, as Jay points out, Austin has never looked more butch as he looks now in an outfit designed for a woman. This would not have worked in most of the other challenges, which makes me think this is just too perfect to be true. Anyway, I think Jay could have won this one (again). But Kara wins it (again). Hers is also very good, though I don't like the big, baggy pants; I think they could be impractical.
Austin creates an updated postal carrier look. Updated to 1956, that is. Other Eric thinks it looks like something Doris Day would wear if she were playing a postal worker.
Michael Kors: "It looks like something Doris Day would wear if she were playing a postal worker."
Other Eric: "Hey, I just said that!"
Wendy just takes the current uniform, moves a pocket, and adds pleats to the sides of the shorts.
Michael: "Pleats on the sides?! Oh, my god, everyone was right; you need to be committed to an insane asylum!"
Nina: "Robert has no business being here. Jeez, Michael, I leave you with Anne for a few weeks and this is what happens? Do I have to do everything myself?"
Well, welcome back, Nina! Thank goodness she came back or Robert might have won the entire competition. So anyway, Robert is out:
Robert: "Are you hiring ... at the post office?"
Post Office Lady: "Ha, ha. That's funny. You're asking me for a job and at the same time you are insulting me by condescendingly implying that a job at the post office is beneath you and would be easy to get. Yeah, try McDonalds."