Thursday, December 07, 2006

Top Chef Recap, Episode 7: Surfing Safari: or The Quest for Fire.

Raphael Lunetta is the guest judge and for the quickfire the chefs have to create an entree with ingredients from a farmer's market but they can't cook anything. Mostly they go with produce but a few use raw seafood.

Elia and Frank are the only two who seem to have made an actual entree.

Raphael: "Ilan, this is good. It would make a good appetizer."

Ilan: "Wow. Passive-aggressive much?"

Raphael chooses Marcel, who has made a watermelon "steak." You've got to be kidding me. How does calling a piece of fruit "steak" magically turn it into an entree? This judge is an idiot. Well, whatever, maybe if Marcel has immunity in the elimination challenge people will not bother picking on him so much. Other Eric points out two things related to Marcel's win: First, Raphael and Marcel are totally staring at each other like they are in love; it's a little disturbing. Second, Padma is dressed like a watermelon. A cheap watermelon.

There are new tensions in the kitchen:

Michael: "I was minding my own business, playing Jenga, and Frank kept shaking the table and knocking all my blocks down. I think he was doing it on purpose."

Frank: "He's just like my little brother. Except he's even fatter and stupider. Oh, yeah, did I mention I can't stand my little brother?"

For the elimination challenge they will have to make breakfast for a bunch of athletes but they won't know what kind of cooking equipment, if any, they will have. Frank decides those would be the perfect conditions under which to attempt a quiche. Is he sure his brother is the stupid one? Mia is the queen of breakfast so obviously she's going to win. Sam has been doing brunch since before he was born, which made the delivery really difficult. Obviously he's going to win.

The chefs are bound and gagged and driven to the beach, where they are dumped in front of some fire pits. The judges meet them there. Michael proves he is, in fact, the dumb one by forgetting his eggs. Betty warms on me a little bit by giving him some of hers. Ew, that sounds gross, when I put it that way. The chefs have to try to get a bunch of surfers to eat their food:

Marcel: "Hey, you sexy wahines, those waves are really gnarly, huh? Shaka, brassiere!"

Wow, that was so authentic I feel like I've been transported back to the tropical beaches of Palmdale. Anyway, the chefs create some really good food under really harsh conditions. The judges are impressed:

Gail: "We should get them out of that goddamn Kenmore kitchen more often!"

The three ladies are the top three for this challenge! Mia's dish looked really good. The judges raved over Betty's presentation, which I thought looked like it was gift-wraped in a slice of turkey and did not find appetizing. Elia wins! That's good, because she should have won the quickfire. I forget if she wins something. Probably the chance to work with that dopey guest judge.

Sam, Cliff, and Frank are the bottom three.

Cliff: "I am not going home. And these aren't the droids you're looking for."

Padma: "Oh, it's OK, everyone; Cliff's not going home and these aren't the droids we're looking for."

Tom: "God, Padma, you're such an idiot."

Sam: "I'd just like to make an offhand comment about the fact that Elia used frozen waffles and see if maybe I can start another cheating scandal while pretending to be the nice guy."

Tom: "No one actually thought she had made fresh waffles at the beach without a waffle iron. But nice try."

Frank loses. Surprisingly, he goes out gracefully.

Tom: "Surfing is a really good metaphor for cooking because you have to get up really early in the morning and put on a wetsuit and you're swimming against the tide and then you're riding the waves ..."

Gail: "What the hell does any of that have to do with cooking?"

Tom: "Well, maybe not the wetsuit part, but the surfboard is like a cutting board and getting a lot of tube is like when you're in your zone in the kitchen and you have to go with the flow of the ocean ..."

Gail: "Please stop."


Sous Chef Humor said...

Each Friday I look forward to your posts. It is the perfect ending to a busy week. Thanks so much for all your hard work. It makes my day!! :)

Java Junkie said...

Eric, Eric, Eric...I think you what you meant to say was "The chefs are bound and gagged and driven to the beach...IN THE RAV 4'S!!!!". ::sigh:: Even hunka hunka burning Cliff is getting into the promo action...

Love your blog and the TC2 recaps -they are always smart, always funny and always appreciated and enjoyed!!

chef biatch said...

Omg, you are too funny.

chef biatch

Anonymous said...

Yours are by far the best recaps! So spot on!

Glad Marcel won but he's such a dork, esp. when his futile attempt to surf-talk w/ the surfer. But it was nice to see him not being picked on by bipolar betty. Yeah, Betty redeemed herself this week.

You can tell Elan hates Marcel. I guess ever since Marcel showed him his knives. Elan seems pretty decent but he's a sore loser when it comes to Marcel.

Keep on keeping on,

Laz said...

"Michael proves he is, in fact, the dumb one by forgetting his eggs."

I fainted.
Then puked.
Then fainted again.

Kudos to both you & Other Eric on recapping an almost unrecappable dog of an episode.

eric3000 said...

Oh, no; I forgot to promote the RAV 4! Ha ha! Thanks for your comments, everyone!

BigAssBelle said...

oh sigh. i missed top chef while i was in mexico. i love top chef!!! have to catch it wednesday. are you going to watch the design thing the gay boys are talking about?

BigAssBelle said...

Had to read this again this morning. That padma, what a nitwit.

Ms. Place said...

Fun stuff, Eric. You make my weekends rock!

wildflower38 said...

Elia made a mcgriddle with waffles instead of pancakes and won.... WTF!!!

eric3000 said...


Yeah, I'm planning to watch Project Designer, or whatever it's called. HGTV's Next Design Star was pretty good so Bravo's version should be even better. I think it will come on when Top Chef is over so I should have time to do recaps. There are so many shows I'd love to recap but I think if I limit myself to Bravo shows I can handle it! said...

Your design star recaps, if they are anything like these, will be fabulous. Glad you're considering recaping that show.

Anonymous said...

Eric n eric
just keep an eye on betty for me OK. cos I put all my $$ down for her in Vegas.
oh no, wrong show again. its about cooking and not betting?
Do you like persimmons, like michael kors orange?
ever found out that miniature orange fruit the size of kumquat with some brown leaves attached to the top called?
only saw them in EU and once in the herbfarm in SEA?
yes, please let me know the name of that fruit, bright orange just like a persimmon. and taste unique like one too. lol