Project Runway Season Five, episode five: That show Lucy Liu isn't in!
Heidi: "Hey, Tim, is this skirt too short?"
Tim: "No, I think it's very tasteful and age-appropriate."
Tim: "No, not really."
OK, so last week we learned that Daniel and Jerell probably have a future designing clothes in Eastern Europe but they were very close to being eliminated from Project Runway.
Polish Designer: "I'm going to bring some high-end glamour to the Olympics with these red cocktail dresses!"
Hungarian Designer: "Yeah, women weight-lifters look great in little floral garden dresses and huge hats!"
Yeah, so after actually seeing the opening ceremonies, I have some additional comments:
1) Daniel may feel a little vindication after seeing that there were cocktail dresses in the ceremonies but there are two reason he shouldn't: first of all, the red cocktail dresses looked silly and inappropriate on the Polish Olympic team; and secondly, the dresses were still a million times better than the one he designed.
2) Most of the uniforms were incredibly boring. I think I like the fashions at the winter Olympics better. I was pretty disappointed and really bored with all the blazers. Yes, some of the blazers looked pretty good but they were just so dull and not the best thing to wear in that heat.
3) The Americans looked pretty sharp in their Ralph Lauren blazers but it was such a boring look. The athletes could have just gone out and bought their own blue blazers; there was nothing distinctive about it. The French women looked great in their red wraps around their waists; very French, very stylish, simple yet distinctive. I loved the British uniforms; the casual blazers without shoulder pads looked much more appropriate and slightly cooler than all the structured blazers; and they looked distinctive and fun without looking silly.
4) I've changed my mind about thinking Joe should have won last week. Obviously, after having seen the ceremonies, his look was much too sporty and casual. And since he says he watches the ceremonies every time, he should have realized this. Terri obviously had the look closest to what the Americans actually wore; in fact, I think her look would have been better. But I think I agree with the judges that Korto should have won; her look would have been distinctive and stood out among all the other teams' blazers and the sleeveless top and light-weight loose-fitting pant would have been a little cooler than some of the other uniforms.
5) China couldn't spend a few hundred million dollars to air-condition that stadium? Come on!
This week the designers will be creating a look for a powerful and glamorous woman. Blayne immediately thinks of Hillary Clinton. Can you think of anyone more powerful and glamorous than Hillary Clinton? I can think of a few people: Queen Elizabeth II, Dame Edna Everage, the Pope. But no, it's Brooke Shields!
Other Eric: "I love Brooke Shields! Make sure everyone knows I love Brooke Shields!"
He loves Brooke Shields, everyone.
So, this week in the quick-draw challenge (OK, I just made that up) the designers have to draw pictures for Brooke Shields for an outfit to be worn on Lipstick Mafia Jungle, the new hit show about women who are in the mafia and also wear lipstick and live in the jungle. And also they cheat on their husbands and wear fabulous shoes. What more could you ask for? Oh, shirtless men? You got it!
Brooke explains how this season will be a departure by telling us nothing we didn't already know from last season. She needs a look that will transition from day to evening. And the designers will be working in teams of two.
Daniel: "Because my father is from Mars and my mother is from Venus, I think I really have an understanding of how different people can be. I realize this is completely irrelevant but I thought I'd mention it."
OK, Brooke seems so comfortable with the designers and she's so nice to them. She should be frightened but she isn't. Good for her! She picks six designers, who then pick their partners:
Keith (working with Kenley)
Korto (working with Joe)
Jerell (working with Stella)
Kelli (working with Daniel)
Terri (working with Pleather)
Blayne (working with Leanne)
Tim: "Let's go shake it! I mean shopping! Where did that come from?"
Look, I'm totally down with "ugly" prints. But Kenley seems to forget to use the quotes and keeps picking genuinely ugly fabric. I appreciate that her taste isn't boring but I think it's just slightly off.
Back in the design room, Terri is getting pissed off with Pleather because he's too scared to sew the top:
Terri: "Just do it! I don't care if you have to cry and cut! Now go into the sewing room and don't let the door hit you in the vagina on the way out!"
Wow, Terri; that was harsh. So they end up with a top that either looks fabulous or like a piece of shit:
Terri: "So, Tim, it looks like a piece of shit, doesn't it?"
Tim: "No, I love it!"
Terri: "So do I! I think it's fabulous!"
Blayne tells us that his mental problems are hereditary, which is good to know.
Korto and Joe are arguing about the bagginess of the jacket. Korto tells a story about Joe being hit by a bus. I can't remember whether she said she would try to keep him from getting hit by a bus or if she would just let him walk in front of a bus because it would be his own damn fault. Either way, I enjoyed the story and I hope she tells it again sometime.
Kenley tells us how Daniel cracks her up with his constant talk about his elegant, sophisticated taste:
Kenley: "Daniel has such an amazing sense of humor!"
On to the runway. The judges are Heidi, Michael, Nina, and Brooke Shields:
Other Eric: "I love Brooke Shields!"
Korto and Joe's saffron orange jacket over a tan dress was pretty nice. I think I can see Brooke's character wearing that. But the color of the dress was good for the model but wouldn't be good for Brooke. And the fit of the dress was terrible. Other Eric thinks the orange would be a hard color to pull off for day. Overall, I like it and think Korto pulled off another great silhouette.
Kelli and Daniel create a completely godawful look. It looks like no thought went into this. I don't care how badly Daniel screwed up the skirt, the design is just terrible. It's the most basic silhouette you could make and the fabrics just look cheap.
Jerell and Stella really worked well together and it shows in their outfit. Stella got to work with her precious leather and Jerell got to create lots of separate elements and it looks like their two styles mixed together perfectly to create an outfit was was totally appropriate for this challenge. It's a look that says, "I'm a stylish woman who just opened my closet and threw together this outfit at the last minute." I can absolute see Brooke's character wearing this to the office and out to dinner.
Keith and Kenley's look is very nice but I don't actually love it. I agree with Nina that it is a little too dressy for day.
Terri and Pleather's look is also pretty nice.
Blayne and Leanne made an outfit with Bermuda shorts. At first I thought the shorts looked about as good as shorts could; so I wondered why Brooke had a problem with them after approving the drawing. But, after further consideration, I think these shorts could have been dressed up in a different fabric or maybe paired with a jacket.
Blayne impresses me by taking full responsibility for his vision, saying that he should be sent home instead of Leanne. Kelli says Daniel should be sent home instead of her, even though it was entirely her awful design. Wrong answer, Kelli! Kelli is out!
Keith wins. Look for this design on the new season of Lipstick Mafia Jungle. If you bother to watch that show. Which, apparently I will:
Other Eric: "You love that show!"
Me: "No, I really don't."
Other Eric: "Yes you do! We're watching it!"
I leave you with the question of Daniel's taste level:
Daniel: "My taste is impeccable. I have very high-end taste. What's so funny, Kenley?"
Kenley: "Oh, my God, you're going to die, Daniel, it's so funny! I was just telling the camera how you are always saying that you have such high-end taste, even though you obviously don't! Isn't that hilarious?!"
Daniel: "I don't get it."