Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Project Runway Season Five, episode seven: Bleeding for fashion!

Heidi: "Hey, Tim . . ."

Tim: "I don't care about your skirt!"

Heidi: "Gee, I was just going to tell you to have a happy Labor Day."

Tim: "Oh, I'm sorry. That's very nice. Thank you."

Heidi: "But seriously, do you think this skirt is too short?"

Kenley's sad Daniel is gone:

Kenley: "I am so sad Daniel is gone. Why does everything bad always have to happen to me."

Keith wants to change the way the world dresses:

Keith: "Some day everyone will look like crap."

Two models will be out:

Heidi: "Because, models, this is also a competition for you."

Models: "Oh, shut up."

Joe keeps the peace in the model world by keeping his model and Heidi doesn't have to use the velvet bag of doom.

For the next challenge Heidi tells the designers to go up to the roof and jump off.

Blayne: "Ooh, I hope we'll be designing parachutes!"

They end up at the top of a parking garage with a bunch of Saturns. Tim is there with a pocket gay:

Tim: "I'd like to introduce you to this very tiny person next to me. This is Chris Webb and he's in charge of total bullshit at Saturn. He'll explain this week's total bullshit challenge to you."

Chris Webb: "Thank you, Tim. These are Saturn hybrids. 85 percent of these vehicles are recyclable by weight."

That makes no sense. Does that mean 85 percent of Saturns can be recycled while the other 15 percent have to be driven into a landfill?

Chris Webb: "I'm sorry; let me clarify. 85 percent of each vehicle is made of materials that are recyclable. And that's a percentage of the weight."

Well, I think most of the weight of a car is metal. So you're telling me metal is recyclable? What exciting news.

Chris Webb: "Actually, it's more than the metal. We've specifically designed Saturns so that the materials can be used to make clothing on reality television shows."

Great. So, the designers start gathering these magical materials from the cars: plastic, glass, leather, rubber, metal and all the normal materials you would find in any other goddamn car.

Seriously, this challenge is fine but don't pretend it has something to do with environmentalism.

Back at Parsons, the designers are trying to work with the materials:

Keith is sick of having those fucking judges be critical on him:

Keith: "They keep getting their criticism all over me. And it's sticky."

Pleather is bleeding for fashion:

Pleather: "This reminds me that my father is dead."

Tune in next week when we learn about more of Pleather's dead relatives.

At first it seems that a lot of designers are working with seat belts. The seat belts are beautiful so it makes sense to use them. And, honestly, it isn't as unimaginative as using a tablecloth. But then it turns out only two designers make garments using mostly seat belts.

Keith tells Terri not to ask him anything because he's busy feeling sorry for himself:

Keith: "I have no idea what I'm doing. Everything I touch turns to crap. The judges hate me. I don't belong here."

I'm glad he finally noticed.

Kenley's model drops out:

Kenley: "Thank god! Now I have a great excuse for why my garment sucks!"

Terri makes fun of Korto because the arms of her coat are sticking out. Jerell doesn't like Terri's behavior:

Jerell: "She has two faces and four patterns."

Ooh, Jerell, that was catty. I like it.

As the episode progresses, Keith becomes more moody and belligerent:

Blayne: "What's wrong with Keith? I mean, he was always an asshole but today he is even more of an asshole than usual."

Keith's model sits down:

Keith: "My life is over."

On the runway, the fabulous Laura Bennett is filling in for Nina. She's so pretty.

Rachel Zoe is the guest judge and she's not quite as bad as I expected.

Jerell made a very cool top and chose perfect styling but he made a really boring skirt.

Keith's is awful. His model might as well be wearing a brown paper bag.

Keith: "The reason my garment is so bad is because the judges made me second-guess myself and then my model sat down even though I told her not to and then a Dingo stole my baby."

Terri made something resembling jeans and they look great but because she's in the middle of the pack we don't get to see much of her outfit.

Kenley made a dress with a stupid peplum and she thinks it's wearable.

Leanne made a pretty great outfit with protruding hip bones. It's not a new silhouette but I think it's shown up again in fashion shows recently and she did a good job with it.

Pleather made a shiny, stringy skirt and a top made out of rubber floor mats. It's not bad.

Korto's seat belt coat is gorgeous. Once again, Korto doesn't make the most innovative use of materials but creates a really beautiful garment. Also, her model did a good job; because of the stiff sleeves, she had to keep her hands on her hips and she did it without being too obvious. This was my favorite but I can understand why it didn't win.

Blayne's seat belt dress is close to being pretty but the fit is inexcusably bad and the stringy hem looks terrible. Michael is right when he compares it to a car wash. Blayne's first version of this dress was much prettier but he wasn't able to sew it.

Joe makes another sporty outfit and it's not bad.

Stella made a really pretty and well-made tiered seat belt skirt and a decent top but the two pieces don't go together.

Heidi: "It looks a little random."

Stella: "Thank you."

Heidi tells Blayne he's going to have seven years without sex because he broke a mirror:

Heidi: "That's German birth control. I tried it but I still keep getting pregnant."

Leanne wins immunity and Keith is out.

Keith is upset because he is out for doing something that isn't him:

Keith: "Sure, crappy design is totally me but this week I made a crappy garment that was not the same as my usual crappy garments."

Next week Michael talks about his favorite subject again:

Michael: "CROTCHES, CROTCHES, CROTCHES! I LOVE TALKING ABOUT CROTCHES!"

8 comments:

Laura K said...

Great recap as usual, Eric! Thanks for the laughs.

Linda Merrill said...

German birth control - hee hee!

Cliff O'Neill said...

Oh, THAT'S why she's always getting pregnant! And here I thought it was the bratwurst.

Fab, as always!

Aimee said...

LUV the recap. Keith was killing me with his whining! I have no idea why Stella would take a challenge that's obviously made for her and not use grommets...what?!

frogboots said...

final quote from Michael there is priceless.

genius, as always!

Lenox Knits said...

Absolutely hilarious. I will have to go back and read all of your recaps!

mumblesalot (Laura A) said...

I can always count on you to make me laugh a lot. The good news is I coerced my room mate into getting
Bravo. The bad news is my lawn chair and I are heading south soon and I will miss many episodes of PR and TD. And of course I will miss your recaps. In fact I am slipping so bad on my Bravo addiction I don't know when Top Design airs.

eric3000 said...

Thanks, everyone!

Welcome, Lenox Knits! I'm glad you are going to read my other posts; you only have about 65 previous PR recaps to catch up on. So take a week off of work and enjoy!

Laura A, you need to get cable and Internet service set up before you move!