Friday, October 30, 2009

Project Runway Season Six, Episode Eleven: The Rest of the Rest!

That's right, this episode will feature all of this season's non-eliminated designers. Exciting!

Last week Irina won and Nicolas was sent home after he was shockingly unable to be inspired by a country he had never been to and knew nothing about.

Michael Kors: "It's so important to be reminded how inspiration works."

Right. And it's not like that.

In model news, we learn that everyone has a crush on Logan because he's a genuine human being and not because he's hot, Matar has big hair, and something went down that I'm sure will forever be known as Tape Gate. Yes, the scourge of the modelling world: double-sided tape. It starts with small amounts of spray adhesive or bits of Duct Tape but eventually they move on to the hard stuff and they can't break the habit. I look forward to the senate hearings on this important issue.

Kalyn: "I took the tape off! My breasts are plastic and that's why they look like cellophane!"

Tape Police (aka Katie): "Some day, when you least expect it, I will expose you to the world as a tape user!"

(OK, at first I thought I could see the tape sticking out after the runway, but now I'm pretty sure it was just the top of her pastie things. So I don't know which one of them is a raging psychopath. Probably both of them.)

We start this episode with the designers discussing that fact that there are only two guys left:

Christopher: "Yeah, and both of us should have been out weeks ago. How did this happen?"

Logan: "I know, right? What the hell are we still doing here?"

We start the challenge with the designers sitting with their backs to the runway. Another Project Runway first!

Christopher: "I can hear all this rustling."

Heidi: "Oh, that's just my ridiculous dress. You can turn around now."

The designers turn around to see their winning looks from past challenges. Or, in Logan's case, his least losing look.

Logan: "Seriously, why am I still here?"

The designers need to create a second look that complements their winning look (or, in Logan's case, his non-losing look).

Logan: "Yeah, I get it. You can stop doing that now."

Althea is working with her look from the Whatever challenge. It's a relaxed jacket with a cute pair of shorts and prominent bouncing breasts.

Irina is working with her Aspen look from the Constipation challenge.

Gordana is working with her shredded-lining look from the wedding dress challenge.

Christopher is working with his look from the challenge where they had to make dresses out of garbage bags. Oh, that wasn't the challenge?

Logan is working with his look from the Red Carpet challenge? Is that really the best thing he's done? Oh, dear.

Carol Hannah is working with her feathered gown from the Bob Mackie challenge.

The designers change their designs while they are picking out fabric:

Christopher: "I'm buying thirty yards of the cheapest, crappiest lining fabric I could find. I want it to look like my model is drowning in white garbage bags."

Irina: "I found this beautiful fabric. Unfortunately, I can only afford three square inches of it so it's going to be a very small dress."

Carol Hannah: "I really didn't want to make another dress."

Tim: "Well, can you do anything else?"

Carol Hannah: "Not really."

Tim: "Then I suggest you make a dress."

Then later, in the design room:

Carol Hannah: "I don't know what I'm doing."

Tim: "What happens if you put this fabric under that one? Ooh, that's beautiful! You just had a major breakthrough with this."

No, Tim, you just had a major breakthrough with that.

Althea is complaining about the fact that Carol Hannah only makes dresses and that Logan is completely stealing her previous design that had zippers on the collar:

Irina: "It's ironic that Althea is complaining about someone stealing from her, when she is totally stealing my bitchy personality."

Seriously, she should have just mentioned it to Logan when she noticed it. He obviously doesn't remember that she made that collar already. You know why? Because it was completely unmemorable.

On to the runway, where Heidi has obviously stolen Logan's idea to wear shiny silver pants to distract us from the fact that Michael Kors is gone again. There is so much stealing in this episode.

The designer judge this week is my arch-nemesis Nick Verreos. How's the Barbie dress business going, Nick?

Nick: "Shut up, bitch."

Carol Hannah sent down a cute dress designed by Tim Gunn. It's not an exciting design but it's well done and it looks beautiful up close.

Althea made another great look that is totally her aesthetic (follow the bouncing breasts). The bag-waisted pant was a huge risk and it turned out really well.

Irina made a minuscule dress under a huge sweater jacket. The dress fabric is beautiful but she obviously ran out of it and the patchiness at the bottom is not flattering.

Gordana made a really boring grey outfit. Some of the detailing on the jacket is really nice, but the overall design is terrible.

Logan went from boring to "oh, dear god, why?" Christopher is really going to have to step it up this week to create something even more awful than this.

Aaaand he does it! Christopher creates one of the most awful dresses I've ever seen!

Irina and Althea argue about the giant sweater jackets:

Irina: "There's a lot of borrowing of ideas in the design room lately."

Nick: "That happens. I steal other designers' work every day."

Althea wins! Congratulations, Althea. I think the judges got this right. This look was more fresh and interesting than the other two top designs.

Logan is out. Sorry to see you go, Logan:

Heidi: "I'm afraid your Mylar pants were not enough to save you this time."

Nick: "Call me."

So, Gordana is safe this week, though the judges really didn't like her boring look:

Nick: "She looks like an office worker in Poland."

That is so insulting. To Poland. What did Poland ever do to you, Nick?

Nick: "I just hate Poland. Poland can kiss my big gay ass."

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Project Runway, Season Six, Episode Ten: The Constipation Challenge!

Michael Kors: "I've been constipated in glamorous locations all over the world! And that's what this challenge is all about: finding new ways to block you up creatively!"

Last week Carol Hannah won and Shirin was out. We are down to the final seven designers so it's time to start acting like this is a significant change from having eight designers:

Carol Hannah: "Now that we are down to seven, it's like the wolves are circling the sheep. But I don't know which of us are wolves and which are sheep. Maybe it's more like the boy who cried wolf? No, no, it's like a wolf is sheep's clothing. Except sheep don't wear clothing so I've never understood that saying. What was I talking about?"

Christopher: "Now that we are down to seven, I think I'm the underdog. With my complete lack of discernible talent, it's pretty exciting to still be here!"

Heidi: "Are you ready for your next challenge? Tim will take you to Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills to meet a top designer who is known worldwide!"

Althea: "The possibilities are endless! So let's waste time discussing all of them!"

Christopher: "Rodeo Drive! There is so much wealth and power on one street! you won't find these upscale stores at a mall. Unless you go to an upscale mall."

Tim introduces Michael Kors:

Tim: "I'd like to welcome a familiar face! Where have you seen this face before, you ask? Well, you can see it on most of the old ladies in Beverly Hills who have had too much plastic surgery and spent too much time in the sun. I'm just kidding! I tease because I love!"

Michael Kors: "I am so inspired by my amazing jet-setting lifestyle that none of you will ever have!"

We are treated to a montage sequence of Michael Kors snowboarding in Aspen, wearing a speedo in St. Tropez, and of course, bungee jumping with Nancy Reagan in Dubai.

So the designers have to pick a location to be inspired by. I'm pretty sure that's not how inspiration works.

Carol Hannah decides to be inspired by Palm Beach.
Nicolas decides that he will somehow be inspired by Greece.
Althea is totally psyched to get all inspired by St. Tropez.
Gordana is going to be inspired as hell by New York.
Irina decides to be inspired by Aspen.
Christopher thinks he is going to be inspired by Santa Fe.
Logan is going to be inspired by Hollywood even if it kills him.

It's another stupid one day challenge and they get $150 for materials.

Irina buys some fake dead animals and Gordana buys some fake jewelry, because nothing says Park Avenue like rhinestones.

Back in the design room, Irina is very concerned that someone somewhere might be having a good time:

Irina: "Ugh. Everywhere I go, there are people laughing and enjoying themselves. It makes me sick."

Tim likes Althea's menswear look but he reminds her that it isn't actually menswear because no man would wear a chiffon dress shirt. Meanwhile, you can tell he's dying to try it on.

Christopher is well on his way to making another complete disaster.

Nicolas says he's doing something different but to me it looks like pants and a top.

Nicolas: "Well, someone could definitely wear this in Greece. Ooooh, I'm so creatively constipated!"

Irina consults Tim:

Irina: "Tim, what are you going to do about the fact that I'm the only talented one here?"

Tim: "Why are you like this?"

Michael and Nina are both back this week! Yay! And they are joined by world-famous fashion designer Milla Jovovich. Oh, yeah, you heard me. She's a fashion designer. Deal with it.

Logan made another perfectly acceptable outfit. Jeans, a sleeveless top, and a strange black vest thingy. It looks well made and completely wearable. And If I have trouble sleeping tonight, I'll try thinking about this outfit.

Althea made another pair of shorts that are too short. But I really like the chiffon top cut like a man's shirt. It's very cute and I can see someone wearing it at a cafe in St. Tropez.

Nicolas made a perfectly decent outfit that doesn't look inspired by anything.

Carol Hannah made a long flowing print dress that, as she points out, looks like something you could buy anywhere. It also looks like the dress Qristyl made for the beach challenge.

Other Eric: "It looks like an Uli Herzner original."

Me: "Yeah, if Uli were a costume designer on The Golden Girls."

Christopher made an outfit that looks like no effort went into it. It's just a simple brown skirt with some blue fabric draped over the shoulders for a top. Anyone could make this at home with a couple of yards of fabric. But who would want to? And even a year or two ago when this was filmed, this color combination was already dated.

Irina made an outfit that's a little bit of a cliche but it's well done and it looks good.

Gordana made a pretty cocktail dress that isn't especially inspiring.

Althea is safe; the other six are the top and bottom.

The judges think Irina's is a fantasy 1980s version of Aspen but they really like it.

Milla Jovovich likes Christopher's belt but the judges hate everything else about his outfit.

The judges love Carol Hanna's boring dress, for some reason.

Milla Jovovich likes Nicolas' top but the judges don't get the Greece reference:

Michael Kors: "It's more like the movie Grease."

How the hell is it like the movie Grease?

Michael: "You know the big roller-disco finale?"

That's not Grease.

Michael: "Give me a break! I'm contractually obligated to make a clever remark and I'm really jet-lagged."

The judges like Gordana's necklace.

Heidi: "We like Gordana's look but it's very important that I have something to criticize her about."

Milla Jovovich: "She lacks confidence."

Heidi: "Perfect."

The judges don't hate Logan's look but Milla wants him to spray paint the jeans and Michael wants him to "blow the jean's shape out," whatever that means. Heidi didn't mind it:

Milla Jovovich: "Well, if he ever goes on Project I Didn't Mind It, he'll definitely win."

Man, We all knew she was a world-famous fashion designer but who knew she was such a world-class wit? Where does she find the time?

Irina wins. That was the right decision this week.

Irina: "Ugh. You don't know how hard it is to be me. Now I have to top the amazing work I've already done. Sometimes I wish I were as talentless as the other designers. No matter what they do, it will be an improvement."

Nicolas is out. That was the wrong decision. His outfit had nothing to do with Greece but it wasn't a bad outfit. Christopher's outfit had nothing to do with the challenge AND it was completely awful. He's safe because he made a cute belt? I can usually figure out a justification for the judges' decisions but this time I can't.

Sorry, Nicolas.

Nicolas: "This is the last you've heard of me."

You know what, Nicolas? Screw you for being so funny I can't even mock you.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Project Runway, Season Six, Episode Nine: Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs.

This was a pretty boring episode. Other than the fact that Carol Hannah and Logan got married and had a baby, nothing happened.

Last week Christopher created a big silver balloon that reportedly floated away carrying a six-year-old boy but then it turned out the child was hiding in the attic the entire time. Christopher is safe.

We start this episode with some comments from the remaining designers. We learn that Christopher is just here to go to Fashion Week. It's refreshing that he at least realizes he's not going to win.

Carol Hannah doesn't think she is in the middle of the pack:

Carol Hannah: "Just because I haven't won any challenges and I haven't been at the bottom for any challenges doesn't mean I'm in the middle of the pack."

Actually, I think that's exactly what that means.

Heidi: "For this challenge, if you really want to shine, you look my outage to rast.


Heidi: "I said your look must upstage the rest."

Wow, I had to listen to that six times to figure out what she said.

Then I thought she said the designers were meeting Tim for dinner but apparently I didn't hear that right, either. Instead, they meet Bob Mackie, which is nice but isn't as satisfying as a good meal. Nicolas faints because Bob Mackie is his idol. Also he probably needs to eat something. I'm just saying.

The designers have to create an extravagant stage look in the spirit of Bob Mackie for Christina Aguilera. They have $300 and two days.

Nicolas is so excited because he finally has the opportunity to make something really tacky and get away with it.

Christopher says he's creating an 80s prom dress with skulls, which would be fine if he actually did that. But he doesn't. Instead, he makes an ice skating Halloween costume. Whatever that is.

Gordana is either unravelled because her dress is frazzling or she is frazzled because her dress is unravelling. Either way, it's not good. She basically gives up on this challenge. Obviously, having immunity does not bring out her best work.

Tim thinks Nicolas has copied his winning ice queen dress:

Tim: "Nicolas, is this the dress? I thought you had pulled your old dress over here, even though I can see it over there. I'm so confused! Am I losing my mind?"

Yes. The dresses look nothing alike, other than the fact that they are both white. Also, the judges wouldn't recognize it, anyway, because they aren't the same judges.

Carol Hannah is going for the wow factor with a black dress in a simple silhouette. She's obviously going home.

Tim talks to Shirin:

Tim: "Shirin, I associate you with sophistication and excellence."

Shirin: "Really?"

Tim: "No, I'm joking. But seriously, even for you, this dress is crap."

Shirin: "Do I need to scrap it?"

Tim: "I'm not saying I think you should scrap it. I'm saying I think you should burn it."

Tim warns the designers:

Tim: "Work like there is no tomorrow. Because I passed out and had a vision of the future and one of you is not in it. I'm not saying that one of you will definitely be dead. But it's a possibility."

Irina says that Shirin is not even a designer. What the hell is Irina's problem?

Nicolas: "Let me explain what Irina's problem is. She's a bitch."

Thanks for clearing that up, Nicolas!

This week Nina is back, Christina Aguilera is the guest judge, and Bob Mackie is filling in for Michael, as well as serving as a second guest judge, since the challenge relates to both him and Christina. I think that's another Project Runway first, ladies and gentlemen. A boring first, but a first, nonetheless.

Althea made a long sequined gown with a train. It's pretty. Christina could wear it if she's singing a slow number next to a grand piano. Bob Mackie thinks it's clever that she used the reversed sequin fabric for the pattern. I think having sequins facing in would be painful, even with a lining.

Logan made a sequined animal print dress with a big fur collar. Christina thinks it looks like something a cavewoman would wear if she had a gay caveman stylist and access to a magical forest full of gay sequined animals. It's pretty bad.

Shirin made a black gown with glittery ruffled inserts on the skirt. To her credit, it's better than it was earlier. But it's still godawful.

Christopher made a removable bubble skirt over glittery panties. I don't mind the hotpants but I agree with the judges that the corset looks terrible. Christina thinks it's a fun look and gives him an F for effort or an A for agony, or something like that.

Nicolas made a short white skirt with feathers. It looks a little like an ice skating costume but it's pretty and well made.

Gordana made a cream-colored sequined sack of human misery.

Irina made a coat that we didn't really get to see and paired it with an ugly black dress that wouldn't even show up on stage. She was lucky that there were worse looks this week because this was pretty bad.

Carol Hannah made a long black dress with sequins and feathers. Black is not the most eye-catching thing to wear on stage but she made it work with the feathers, which catch the light and make a beautiful, subtle pattern.

The top two are Carol Hannah and Nicolas and Carol Hannah wins! Congratulations!

The bottom two are Shirin and Christopher. Gordana probably would have been out but she has immunity this week.

The judges think Shirin made a Halloween witch costume:

Heidi: "But an upscale Halloween witch costume."

Yeah, that sounds so much better.

Nina: "Shirin, I think you are really talented."

What are you basing that on, Nina? You've missed almost the entire season.

Nina: "Good point."

Shirin is out.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Project Runway Season Six, Episode Eight: Gay Divorcees!

Sorry for posting so late but I just had a garage sale and it took three full days of my life. I didn't make much money but I got rid of a lot of stuff, including many items too bulky for me to transport to a charity shop myself. So it was a success. I am so exhausted I can barely move.

Anyway, last time on Project Runway the designers were asked to create something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue. The twist was that the look had to be old without looking dated, new without being edgy, borrowed without looking copied, and blue without actually being blue. Irina won and Louise was out.

We start the episode with Logan frying bacon. I'm going to start the controversial rumor that it is actually turkey bacon. I know I will get a lot a hate-mail over this but I just think it was too flat for regular bacon. Regular bacon gets all curly and shrinks up when you fry it. It must be turkey bacon, right? What kind of man's man would eat turkey bacon? You be the judge.

However, this is the one time I'm glad Logan is wearing a shirt. Because splattering grease can be really painful. The only thing worse than frying bacon shirtless is frying bacon pantless. Trust me.

Irina has decided that everyone is talking about her behind her back:

Irina: "Everyone is jealous because I'm so talented. And pretty."

What evidence do you have of this?

Irina: "They are all smiling and being nice to me. Obviously they all hate me."

Right. So I'm starting to think Irina is psychotic but then Logan confirms her theory:

Logan: "Irina is much more talented than the rest of us. I don't know why she's acting like she's better than the rest of us."

Heidi introduces us to the gay divorcees:

Heidi: "These women aren't actually gay but their dresses sure are! What the hell were they thinking? These women were all recently divorced. And by 'recently,' I mean within the past fifty years. They are ready to get on with their lives and start dating much younger men. Your challenge is to take these tragic wedding dresses and turn them into even more tragic cocktail dresses."

I love this challenge! It's specific, difficult, and makes sense. The symbolism of destroying your wedding dress to mark the end of your marriage and turning it into something new to mark the beginning of your new life makes a lot of sense. Of course, a couple of the women have been divorced for decades so I hope they got on with their lives a long time ago. But for the most part I think this is an excellent challenge.

Let's see how they can screw up this challenge, shall we?

Tim: "You'll get to buy two yards of fabric at Mood."

WHY?!!! Why ruin the challenge? Just use the wedding dress. It's not that complicated. You can make an entire outfit with two yards of fabric so it defeats the purpose of challenge. Well, fortunately, most of the designers end up using the wedding dress for the majority, if not the entirety, of the new look. Which begs the question: what was the point of that distraction? All the results would have been better and the challenge would have been more streamlined if they had just skipped the visit to Mood.

The designers meet with their divorcees:

The divorcee Nicolas is working with wants him to work with materials that are cruelty free:

Divorcee: "I don't want any animals to suffer because of this outfit."

Nicolas: "Don't worry. My clothes only cause human suffering."

Shirin is already complaining about her lack of material and her inability to dye polyester, when she then has to deal with her divorcee's demands, which are so ridiculous I can only assume the producers of the show have put her up to it:

Divorcee: "I want a huge peacock-feather headdress!"

No, she doesn't. Nobody wants a huge peacock-feather headdress. This whole storyline is complete bullshit.

We learn more of Gordana's story:

Gordana: "I was married before I got divorced."

Yeah, that's usually how it works.

The producers arrange a very emotional telephone call between Gordana and an answering machine. Seriously, this is the first time she's been allowed to call her children and nobody bothered to find out if her children were home? I don't understand how these calls work but this was pretty sucky.

Epperson completely screws up the challenge. First he decides to use as little of the wedding dress as possible. Then when Tim tells him the challenge was to use the wedding dress, he ends up making something that used as much of the dress as possible. He couldn't seem to grasp the concept of taking the dress and making something new out of it.

Tim makes his rounds:

Tim: "Irina, how did you get this beautiful grey color?"

The same way everyone else got that grey color. By trying to dye the fabric black. That's what man-made fabrics look like when you try dye them black. I know this because when I went through my mandatory goth period, I tried to dye all my clothes black. The color she got is pretty, though.

Tim helps Shirin with her meltdown:

Tim: "Shirin, that dress is awful. And that trim you bought disturbs me. And what the hell are you wearing? I hate those shoes."

Shirin: "You aren't supposed to help me have a meltdown. You are supposed to help me work through my meltdown."

Tim: "In that case, I think you should start making paper dolls."

In the final fittings Nicolas decides that his is the most hideous outfit he has ever made. And that's saying a lot.

Epperson tells us that all the women said he should win. Interestingly, we don't hear anyone actually say it.

Logan thinks his look is a disaster. He's right.

The judges are Micheal Kors, some woman from Marie Claire, and the founder of Jimmy Choo.

Irina made a very pretty lace dress. It's a huge transformation from the wedding dress and this woman could definitely wear it to dinner or a party. However, I'm still getting a wedding vibe from it; it feels a little "mother of the bride" to me.

Shirin made a pretty little white dress. Well, perhaps "made" is too strong a word. She really just shortened the wedding dress and adding a cool pattern of stitching to it. And I love the stitching but I can only see it in close-ups. I think it's a cute dress but it doesn't feel transformed to me.

Logan made another horrible, unflattering pant. He paired the pant with a horrible, unflattering top. And while both pieces were horrible and unflattering, they somehow still didn't go together. I think if he had made a jacket instead of that weird vest, the look might have worked.

Carol Hannah made a very cute dress with bands of fringe made from the tulle skirt. I don't know why she added that strange little black shrug. But I really like the dress.

Althea made a really bizarre garment that looked like a dark blue bra worn over a light blue dress. The accentuated bust line paired with a belt at the natural waist, chopped up the body. There was too much going on with this look.

Nicolas made an outfit with a pant, vest, and cap-sleeved jacket. I think it's a pretty good look.

Nicolas: "I hate this outfit. But you can't make beautiful gowns and cocktail dresses all the time."

Or, in your case, ever.

Gordana made a gorgeous dress from the lining of the wedding dress. This dress is perfect. It's very flattering and it's exactly what her divorcee wanted.

Christopher screwed up. I appreciate what he was going for. His sketch was adorable. And the finished dress looks like the sketch. But the finished dress is definitely not adorable. Part of the problem is the fabrication. It's too cheap and shiny. The other problems are that the dress is too short and it is not age-appropriate. A woman in her twenties might be able to pull off this dress. But theoretically, this was not a terrible idea and I don't think it is an aufable offense.

Epperson just did not get this challenge. And he made a dress that couldn't be worn anywhere. It was too dressy to wear during the day and too dated to wear at night. The skirt was way to full. He seems to just have added a black and white corset thing to the shortened wedding dress. And what was with the completely redundant shrug? The outfit didn't look any different when it was removed.

Gordana wins! She totally deserved it!

Heidi: "You did a good job . . . this time."

Wow, Heidi, that was subtle. We get it. You think she sucks.

Epperson explains that he didn't understand the challenge:

Heidi: "I thought I was perfectly clear when I explained the challenge."

Oh, Heidi, you've never been perfectly clear when you've explained a challenge.

Logan and Epperson are the bottom two.

Epperson is out. Sorry Epperson. Epperson created some great looks but I agree with the judges that he had the weakest look this time.

Major model drama again this week! Spoilers for Models of the Runway below so don't read on if you haven't seen this week's episode yet.

Because of the model shake-up last time, Gordana ended up with Matar and Althea ended up with Gordana's favorite model, Tara. But they didn't actually work with their new models yet because the divorcees were modeling this week. Gordana was able to pick models first because she won this challenge so she could have had Tara back. But for some reason she thought Althea wanted to have the chance to work with Tara. So Gordana decided that the best thing to do would be to stick with the last model pick because the models didn't get to participate in the last challenge. So she stayed with Matar. Makes sense, right? The only problem is that Althea didn't want to stay with Tara. She wanted to go back to Tanisha. And nobody picked Tara so Tara is out! Gordana had first pick and her favorite model is out! What a tragedy! Tara thought Gordana had said "I think I'm going to pick you" but we can't actually hear her so she may have said "Althea is going to pick you." Anyway, Tara is angry because she thinks Gordana lied to her and Gordana is crying because she's responsible for her favorite model being out and Althea, who probably caused the whole mess, is claiming she doesn't know what's going on.

Well, at least Celine always knows what to say to make everyone feel better:

Celine: "I'm a good farter."

Friday, October 02, 2009

Project Runway Season Six, Episode Seven: Pumpkin Pie in the Sky!

OK, why was this episode called "The Sky is the Limit"? Because someone mentioned parachute fabric? Because the judges are always high? I'm going with a pie in the sky reference because some model trainer calls all the models "Pumpkin Pie" so he can tell them apart. I know it's a stretch.

Last week Fatma was out! I'd like to pause for a moment of prayer:

Dear Gott in Himmel, please let Vanessa get an Arby's commercial so Fatma can come back. Amen.

Back at the hotel, Gordana is comparing the designers to Olympic athletes:

Gordana: "So you know how some of the athletes are taking steroids or are genetically men? Yeah, it's just like that."

The few remaining guys start the He-Man Woman Haters Club and the first order of business is to eliminate Shirin. Second order of business: Logan: is he or isn't he?

Heidi makes her weekly pointless announcement:

Heidi: "Hello designers. I can't tell you anything about the next challenge. Go ask your father."

Tim introduces some Macy's lady:

Tim: "I'm pleased to introduce some Macy's lady."

Macy's Lady: "Your challenge is all about color. And at Macy's you can buy clothes in any color you want as long as it's blue. The great thing about blue is that it comes in many shades, which makes it different from other colors that only come in one shade. You'll be designing for the INC brand so make sure your designs are appropriate."

Tim: "Wow, it's going to be challenging to design something that boring but I have faith in all of you. The winner will have his or her design sold at Macy's."

Christopher: "My dream is to walk down the street and point at a girl and say 'I made that.'"

Well, I think that's a very misogynistic way to refer to your sexual conquests.

Christopher: "I'm talking about the dress she would be wearing."

Oh. That makes a lot more sense.

They make their design pitches to the Macy's lady:

Althea: "I wanted to do a high-waisted denim look that would be appropriate for the office or for attending a monster truck rally."

Carol Hannah: "I wanted to make a dress that would fit into a woman's existing wardrobe. So I made it really flat so it wouldn't take up much space in the closet."

Logan: "I'm doing a sweater dress."

Shirin: "Yeah, what he said."

Epperson: "I noticed that the INC label had a significant lack of ruffled capes."

Nicolas: "I have one word for you: Vest! I can tell you're speechless."

Christopher: "A day to evening shirt dress."

Louise: "Dresses plastered with flowers and other crap."

Gordana: "First, I just have to say that I'm a huge fan of boring clothes."

Irina: "My first look will be a patchwork skirt and then for the second look I thought I would make something that a woman would actually wear."

It's a team challenge. The team leaders are Irina, Althea, Carol Hannah, Christopher, and Louise, which is not a good start for the He-Man Woman Haters Club. The team leaders pick their teammates:

Irina picks Gordana
Althea picks Logan
Carol Hannah picks Shirin
Christopher picks Epperson
Louise picks Nicolas

The teams have twenty minutes and $100 at mood. In a Project Runway first, Louise almost loses her money:

Tim: "It was so dramatic! Louise couldn't find the envelope with the money and then she looked around and then she finally found it! There's always some new zaniness going on with this show! This was almost as exciting as that time one of the designers lost a Barbie hat."

The teams are showing signs of stress:

Shirin: "We're making a sweater dress. That's not something I would ever make. Even though that's actually one of the ideas I pitched a few minutes ago."

Irina: "I'm just going to pretend that Gordana doesn't exist."

Nicolas: "Ruffles are so tacky! Can't we just cover everything in feathers?"

Epperson: "Christopher is such a genius. He's not like Qristyl at all. I am so psyched to be working with him!"

Christopher: "Oh, stop! Epperson is the genius! He suggested putting pockets on the shirt dress and that just rocked my world!"

Tim: "Oh, for god's sake! Would you two get a room?"

Michael Kors is back this week! Joining him will be someone new from Marie Claire and the Macy's lady.

Heidi: "One . . . OR MORE of you will be out. I'm seriously considering eliminating all of you. So watch your step, Pumpkin Pie!"

Irina and Gordana created a full dress with an empire waist and a skirt and blouse outfit. Both looks are perfectly boring enough to sell at Macy's.

Althea and Logan created a cute little suit with a skirt that was way too short and a second horrible look with weird blouse and a poorly-fitted pant that made the model look huge.

Louise and Nicolas created two dresses. One was light with dark fluffy trim and the other was dark with light ruffle trim. The first dress looked like a feather boa was stapled to the front. It was truly awful. The second look was better than the first, but that's not saying much.

Carol Hannah and Shirin created two more looks that were boring enough for the assignment. The first look was a high-waisted skirt with a blue top and the second was an unflattering garment that they are apparently calling a sweater dress, which they paired with black leggings.

Christopher and Epperson created a decent shirt dress and a second greenish bubble dress with a strange bib that was really bad and didn't have anything to do with the first look.

Irina and Gordana and Carol Hannah and Shirin were the top two teams.

Irina is the winner for her big striped dress. I guess it wasn't any worse than anything else on the runway this week. Congratulations, Irina.

Louise and Nicolas and Christopher and Epperson are the bottom two teams.

The judges hate Louise's ruffles. Heidi tells Nicolas that he is lucky he has immunity.

The judges hate both of Christopher's dresses. I hate the bubble dress with the bib but I'm surprised they hate the shirt dress so much. It wasn't great but it wasn't that bad.

Christopher and Louise are the bottom two and Heidi is as harsh as I've ever heard her:

Heidi: "Christopher, your dresses looked like they were designed by a blind crack whore. And Louise, your dresses made us all want to commit suicide."

Louise is out. Sorry Louise. You picked the wrong week to go tacky.

Tune in next week when Gordana auditions for the Blue Man Group.