ERIC’S HOLIDAY LETTER 2015
TERMS AND CONDITIONS
By reading Eric’s Holiday Letter 2015 you agree to all terms and conditions contained herein.
Eric’s Holiday Letter 2015 is a registered trademark of Eric’s Holiday Letters Omnimedia and may not be copied, distributed, re-typed, spell-checked, faxed, sent by pneumatic tube, or adapted to a feature length film unless you feel like doing any of those things, in which case it’s fine.
“Eric’s Holiday Letter 2015” refers to the document you are currently reading. “You” refers to the recipient of said document.
- No animals were harmed in the writing of Eric’s Holiday Letter 2015, though one spider was forcibly removed from the premises. He knows why.
- Eric’s plaid shirts supplied by J.Crew. Eric has a lot a plaid shirts from J.Crew. Some would say too many. He might have a problem.
- All events depicted in Eric’s Holiday Letters are fictitious. Any resemblance between Eric’s life and reality is pretty unlikely. The names of people and places in Eric’s Holiday Letters have been kept the same. The names of people in the Federal Witness Protection Program have been changed, though I don’t see what that has to do with anything.
- It is unlawful under any circumstances to read this letter in the Principality of Liechtenstein after 10:00 PM on Sundays. Exceptions must be obtained in writing from Prince Hans-Adam II. Please allow three weeks for processing of your request.
- The cash value of this letter is 1/10 of one cent in U.S. currency. To redeem the cash value of this letter, return it along with a self-addressed stamped envelope and your credit card and Social Security numbers.
IMPORTANT SAFETY INFORMATION:
To avoid muscle, joint, or eye strain during the reading of this letter, you should take frequent breaks. Take a longer rest if you experience any soreness, fatigue, or discomfort. A very small percentage of people may experience seizures or blackouts. Symptoms may include dizziness, nausea, involuntary movements, loss of awareness, altered vision, tingling, numbness, or other discomforts. Consult a doctor before reading if you have ever suffered these or similar symptoms while reading Eric’s Holiday Letters. Parents should monitor their children because if you leave them alone for too long they could wander away.
To register for Eric’s Holiday Letters you must select a password. Your password must be a single-digit number between 1 and 9 that does not appear in your date of birth, address, or telephone number. Do not tell anyone this number! Instead, write it down and display it prominently.
You may stop reading this letter at any time by completing the letter-reading termination process. Simply complete the online form and you will receive confirmation within ten business days informing you that you may stop reading. Please do not stop reading until you receive official confirmation.
In no case shall Eric’s Holiday Letters Omnimedia, its directors, officers, employees, affiliates, agents, contractors, or licensors be liable for any direct, indirect, incidental, punitive, special, or consequential damages arising from your use of this letter, including, but not limited to, accidentally deleting your favorite show before watching it, dropping your phone in the toilet, or frying bacon while not wearing pants.
Eric is not responsible for anything majeure that happens, regardless of its force.
If, for any reason, a particular term or section of this letter is not enforceable, the balance of the letter will remain in full force and effect. The holidays will not be cancelled.
STATUTORY EXCEPTIONS FOR PUBLIC INSTITUTIONS:
If you are a qualified public educational institution and any part of this letter, such as all or part of the indemnification section, is invalid or unenforceable against you because of applicable state or federal law, then this letter shall be deemed invalid or unenforceable, as the case may be. Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that, shall we?
In connection with your use of these letters, Eric’s Holiday Letters Omnimedia retains the right to contact you on an occasional basis, including, and probably limited to, once a year, to share important information about Eric’s continued existence. These letters may include helpful updates, such as notifying you that another year has come and gone, it’s almost Christmas, and/or a new calendar year is about to begin.
Last updated: December 2015