Project Runway Season Eleven, Episode Ten: HPmaster Cycle!

Heidi: “In this episode you will be going to the Guggenheim Museum!”

Welcome to the Guggenheim!

Tim: “That’s right. This is the HP avant garde challenge. It's really your opportunity to push the boundaries and create readable art!”

Ooh, I'm an avant garde blogger, so this challenge is perfect for me! I'll be really embarrassed if I screw this up. So, this post is inspired by Matthew Barney's Cremaster Cycle, a series of five films, released out of order, in which the Guggenheim was a major character. The series culminated in a major exhibition at the museum. As a tribute, this post will be written in five parts and displayed out of chronological order.

Part Three: The Entered Apprentice:

The Entered Apprentice

We open with the Entered Apprentice climbing up the atrium of the Guggenheim Museum. He is trying to get away from a woman with glass legs who has just transformed into a leopard. 

Much like Layana, she thinks she's the cat's meow.

Meanwhile, at the top of the ramp, the sculptor Richard Serra, representing the mythic architect of Solomon's Temple, is throwing molten Vaseline at a wall. 

It's art, people!

All of this represents the equilibrium in the stage of fetal development before the gonadal structures rise or fall to become ovaries or testes.

Tim: “Well, obviously. But I’m going to stop you there. I think you’ve pushed the boundaries just a bit too far. You need to rein it in a little.”

Patricia: "Are you scared by this post, Tim? Good. You should be scared. At least it means you’re feeling something."

Thank you, Patricia. I appreciate your support.

Patricia: “These people just don’t understand modern art like we do.”

So, where were we? Oh, yes:

Part One: The Ascending Team:

Michelle is working with Stanley on a giant dress made of bubble wrap. The model will pull two blimps, each containing the same woman who is creating images out of grapes.

avant garde look by Stanley and Michelle

Michelle: “I can just hear Nina now: ‘Meeechelle, no woman is going to want to pull a couple of Goodyear blimps around a football stadium. What were you theeenking?’”

But, it turns out the judges actually love their looks and they are the winning team. Stanley wins the challenge and $10,000.

Stanley does his happy dance

Part Five: The Descending Teams:

The designers are creating an avant garde piece and a companion ready-to-wear piece. They are in teams of two, one male and one female. Equilibrium had been achieved with Michelle and Stanley, but the tension between male and female is being felt in the other two teams. 

This tension is played out in two locations. Patricia and Richard are participating in a demolition derby in the lobby of the Chrysler Building, which represents ... um ... something about the Order of Freemasons? Whatever. 

These Chryslers are in the lobby of the Chrysler building.  How cool is that?

Patricia creates a pretty cool avant garde look with a veil. Richard spent two days making a bracelet. He’s out. Sorry, Richard.

Ursula Andress loves Patricia's look

Meanwhile, Daniel and Layana are at a rodeo, which represents the execution of a murderer who might have been the grandson of Harry Houdini. I have to admit that I got a little confused at this point. The result is that Daniel created his best look of the season. The jacket was beautiful and the skirt was modern and sexy. Layana inspired him to create a more youthful look and she forced him to make a miniskirt by hoarding all the fabric for herself, but it was still clearly his look and he had every right to take credit for it. Layana, on the other hand, created the worst look on the runway. It just had too much crap stuck onto it for no reason:

Is the sculpted Vaseline goat just one too many elements in this look?

Part Two: The HPmaster challenge:

The designers get to create their own textile designs using the new HPmaster system:

Tim: "Just look at this amazing technology! You can use the new HPmaster system to sit on the floor of a blimp and arrange grapes into any design you can think of! It's completely state of the art!"

The HPmaster grape design system

Michelle: "I am so inspired to design with grapes!"

Patricia: "It would take me at least four days to create a fabric design out of grapes on the floor of a blimp back in my studio. I love the new HPmaster system!"

OK, we get it. The designers love product placement. Can we get on with Tim making his rounds in the design room?

Tim: “Stanley and Michelle, I love everything about your looks! Your fabric is so amazing I have chills!”

Stanley: “Well, I think Tim really nailed that critique.”

Tim: “Patricia and Richard, on the other hand, are a mess. Richard hasn't done anything and I'm wondering if he's making sure Patricia is responsible for everything so she will have to take the blame."

Patricia: "What? I never considered that! Now I'm really angry that I didn't think of doing it first!"

Richard: "What? I'm flattered that anyone thinks I'm clever enough to actually have a strategy."

Part Four: Layana loses her ... uh ... stuff:

Daniel: “Why are you crying, Layana?”

Layana: “Daniel, several times during this challenge I tried to give you a high five and every time you either left me hanging or you missed my hand. I feel so betrayed by you.”

Daniel: “I’m sorry. My hands were a little awkward.”

Layana: “Not YOUR hands, Daniel. OUR hands! Our hands are fifty fifty.”

Daniel: “So now ALL the hands belong to you?”

Layana: “Just don’t speak to me any more."

And that brings us to the beginning of the HPmaster Cycle, where we are back in a state of equilibrium between the ascending and descending designers.

Nina: "I can see what you were trying to do with this post, but, unfortunately, it was not successful."

Rachel Roy: "I think if you took this post to Mattel and said, Hey I wrote this post for Barbie, they would tell you that it isn't even good enough for Barbie to read."

Heidi: "Yeah, I just don't get it."

Project Runway All Stars Season Two, Episode Three: Up your chlorofluorocarbons!

Julie Chen: "Welcome to Project Runway All Stars. I'm Julie Chen and I'm a serious journalist. This week Kayne won the coveted Head of Household position and he is trying to form an important alliance with Ivy so he can convince her to vote Laura Kathleen off the show. Or maybe he's trying to form an alliance with Laura Kathleen so he can convince her to vote Ivy off the show. I really can't tell."

Kayne invites Ivy into his private Head of Household bedroom:

Kayne: "Hey, Ivy, why don't you come into my private Head of Household bedroom so we can gossip. So, can you believe what a bitch that Laura Kathleen is? Everyone hates her."

Ivy: "I don't have a problem with her."

Kayne: "Don't worry, I'll fix that."

And he does! That was some clever strategery, Kayne! They hate each other now! Mission accomplished!

OK, so that's it for the Big Brother theme, I'm afraid. I've never seen more than a few blissfully brief moments of the show, so I really don't know anything about it.

I do, however, know a lot about aerosol art. I don't want to brag, but I went to the "Art in the Streets" exhibition at the Museum of Contemporary Art last year. So I'm an expert.

Unfortunately, I didn't love that exhibition. But that's probably because I went on the wrong day. I went on a day when the museum was free to the general public, so it was completely filled with all these regular people. Obviously, I'm only accustomed to being in the company of other members of the liberal media elite, so this was a new experience for me. I was standing in that gallery for over an hour and not once was I offered a glass of champagne. Is that what life is like for most people?

Laura Kathleen: "I know, right?"

Anyway, as everyone knows, graffiti art was invented by the Romans in 126 B.C. but then Rudy Giuliani cleaned all that up and put in a Toys R Us so we didn't see it again until the 1970s. Now there is a building in New York dedicated to it and it's completely legal to paint that building and if it's legal it isn't graffiti and that's why they had to come up with a new name for it and that's why they call it aerosol art. True story. Well, it could be true. I bet it's close.

So the designers use spray paint on fabric and then create "wearable art." I'm just going to say it: I did not hate everything. Can you believe it? Mr. Grumpy Pants actually didn't hate everything.

The bottom three were Laura Kathleen (spoiler alert: she's safe), Kayne (the judges can't decide whether everything he makes is major tacky or Four Star General Tacky), and Pleather, who made yet another craft project. And the never ending question of What happened to Andrae? I actually liked his dress. I think. Anyway, he's safe.

The top three, and I agree with the judges on this, were Ivy, Anthony Ryan, and Emilio. Anthony Ryan's dress was very cute, but the print actually reminded me more of Jasper Johns than graffiti art:

not really graffiti art

Ivy was inspired by comic book art (by way of pop art) and her look was at least a bit edgy. Emilio, on the other hand, really nailed it. His look really gave you the feel of graffiti art, without looking too obvious. And considering how bad his last self-designed fabric was, I was very impressed.

Our guest judge this week is People Magazine's Sexiest Man Alive 2013, Nate Silver:

Oh, yes, crunch those numbers the way I like it!

Nate Silver: "Conventional wisdom has Ivy winning this thing. And she made a late play for Isaac's vote. But is that confidence or desperation? It appears she has momentum coming out of the previous challenges, but if we dig a bit deeper the data is telling another story. There seems to be a disconnect between the comments from the judging panel as a whole and the tastes of the individual judges, with internal polling suggesting that Emilio is actually in the lead. We've projected that Georgina will be the tipping point judge, bringing him past the number of votes he needs. Now, it's always possible that there is a bias in the polling. But it would have to be a consistent bias in one direction, and if you look at the previous seasons of the show, while individual polls might have a margin of error, the aggregate of the polls is remarkably accurate. So Ivy really is going to have a hard time pulling this off. We currently have the odds of Emilio winning at 137%."

Some Old Guy: "That's ridiculous! Anyone who says he is that sure about the outcome of this challenge shouldn't be allowed near a typewriter!"

A typewriter?

Some Old Guy: "Have I mentioned I'm old?"

Right. So Emilio wins the challenge. Congratulations, Emilio! And it turned out he didn't even need Carolyn's vote, which is a good thing, because she's still trying to add up her scores. She could be at it for weeks, with recounts and court challenges. Pleather is out. I'm sure he will be missed, but not by me.

Carolyn: "I just have to say that I think internal polling sounds really painful!"

Marfa Marfa Marfa!

(image from http://www.garnersclassics.com/)

For my Top Chef post click here!

I'm taking the opportunity during viewing the amazingly violent, misogynistic, and bizarrely pro-crime Super Bowl commercials to write about what I did on my Martin Luther King holiday vacation.

Did I drive with my family to Walley World in an old station wagon with a dead woman in a rocking chair strapped to the roof?

Oh, so close, but no.

I went to Texas! My friend Nan is the director of the Forsyth Gallery at Texas A&M University in College Station and she invited me to judge submissions to a jurried show. So I flew to the George Bush airport in Houston, where she picked me up and drove me smack dab to middle of the state. On the way to the gallery, we passed the George Bush library and the crash site of that military helicopter that went down a few days before my trip.

For the show I looked through about 130 entries of paintings, sculpture, and decorative art pieces. Ultimately I chose what I liked but I tried not to make my selections based entirely on my personal taste. It was tough but I enjoyed it. I selected what would go into the show and then I selected my favorites for prizes.

So that was the work part of the trip. Then Nan and I spent the weekend driving across Texas to a tiny town in the middle of nowhere called Marfa. But first, we got boudin, which I had been wanting to try for years. Boudin is sausage made with meat and rice and now I can say I tried it. I can also say I will probably never try it again. I'm very sensitive to weird meat and this reminded me a little of haggis.

Marfa is a full day's drive from, well, basically from anywhere. I think the closest airport is three hours away so we just did the eight hour drive from College Station to Marfa, which is in Presidio County in south-west Texas, not too far from Mexico. It is hard to describe exactly how far into the middle of nowhere this place is. The landscape in Presidio County is really beautiful.

It was just getting dark when we rolled into Marfa. We actually forgot to bring directions to get to the hotel but the town was so small we just drove around a little until we found it. We stayed at the Hotel Paisano, which is one of the two hotels in town. The Paisano was built in the thirties and James Dean, Rock Hudson, and Elizabeth Taylor stayed there while filming Giant. The hotel was very cool; it was recently remodeled but they preserved the historic details very well. Our room was actually two tiny rooms combined into one, which meant we had two tiny bathrooms. The bathrooms were completely original, which I thoroughly approve of but the plumbing did not work well.

(This was our actual room)

(Cute bathrooms)

We spent the entire next day on art tours. After breakfast at the hotel we drove over to the Chinati Foundation, which was started by the installation artist Donald Judd. The foundation takes up most of an old military base and it provides the kind of space for huge installations that you can't really get at art institutions in the city. The highlights of the first half of the tour were the giant buildings of Judd's boxes.


100 untitled works in mill aluminum, 1982-1986

"At the center of the Chinati Foundation's permanent collection are 100 untitled works in mill aluminum by Donald Judd installed in two former artillery sheds. The size and scale of the buildings determined the nature of the installation, and Judd adapted the buildings specifically for this purpose. He replaced derelict garage doors with long walls of continuous squared and quartered windows which flood the spaces with light. Judd also added a vaulted roof in galvanized iron on top of the original flat roof, thus doubling the buildings' height. The semi-circular ends of the roof vaults were to be made of glass.
Each of the 100 works has the same outer dimensions (41 x 51 x 72 inches), although the interior is unique in every piece. The Lippincott Company of Connecticut fabricated the works, which were installed over a four-year period from 1982 through 1986. Funding for the project was provided by the Dia Art Foundation."

After a good lunch at the Pizza Foundation we went back to the second half of the Chinati tour. The highlights of the second half of the tour were the Dan Flavin light installations taking up a group of old barracks buildings.

untitled (Marfa project), 1996.

"Dan Flavin's large-scale work in colored fluorescent light for six buildings at the Chinati Foundation was initiated in the early 1980s, although the final plans were not completed until 1996. The work was inaugurated at the museum's annual Open House in October 2000."

Then we went on a tour of the home and library of Donald Judd, which is part of the Judd Foundation. The Judd Foundation is separate from the Chinati Foundation, even though they were both founded by Donald Judd. Anyway, the Judd Foundation tour was really worth it; It was in a compound where Judd lived and there were several large spaces with many examples of his early work. Fewer people know about the Judd Foundation so we practically had a private tour.

After our day of tours we went to find a restaurant called Cochineal, which we were told was excellent. We were not prepared for quite how excellent it was. Chef Toshi used to have a restaurant in New York and just moved to Marfa last year. It was an amazing fine dining experience. I had the Cahors, which is a red wine I hadn't heard of. Then, as an appetizer, I had the wood grilled marinated quail served on a crisp of polenta with mixed baby greens and lingonbery sauce. That was one of the best things I have ever eaten. For an entree I had the handmade fettuccine with long simmered spiced pork sausage and vegetable ragu. Honestly, the pasta was just OK but I didn't care because the appetizer was so delicious. For dessert I had Toshi's baked to order date pudding with warm rum caramel sauce. Fantastic! It was as good as any restaurant I've been to in New York but it was even more pleasant because it was such a surprise to find it in the middle of nowhere. And it was very reasonably priced: about $50 for three courses and a glass of wine.

After dinner we went looking for the famous Marfa lights, which are supposed to appear south of town. We sat in the car at the observation point and waited an hour but I don't think we saw them. We did see some weird flashes of light but that's not what they are supposed to look like. Some people say the lights appear almost every night, while other reports say they only appear ten times a year on average. Well, at least we tried.

We spent the next day driving back. One day driving, one day taking tours, one day driving back. That was a lot of driving but it was worth it. The day after that we drove back to Houston. My flight wasn't until 7:00 so we were able to spend the day going to museums.

Unfortunately, the Menil Collection is closed on Tuesdays but we were able to visit the Rothko Chapel next door and that was beautiful. Then we visited the Museum of Fine Arts, which didn't have any temporary shows up but has an impressive permanent collection.

(Rothko Chapel)

And that's what I did on my Martin Luther King holiday vacation! I highly recommend making the trip to Marfa at some time in your life. It's worth the trek!

Socks and the City: Erics visit Manhattan, go to some museums, eat at some restaurants, and discard used socks!

Yes, when I travel I usually take my old socks and underwear and then throw them out after I wear them. That way I have fewer dirty clothes to take home in my luggage. This isn't a very significant part of my trip but I had to mention it so I could use that stupid title.

[The new home of the Museum of Arts and Design, at Columbus Circle. The remodel is not quite finished but I was very interested to see it because I was so annoyed that they destroyed the original Edward Durell Stone building. Some people thought it was ugly but it was a landmark and I thought it was cool. It's not bad now but it's pretty sad when a museum, which is supposed to be a champion of art and culture, destroys a cultural landmark instead. Thank you to Other Eric for taking pictures. To see a picture of the original building, click here.]

Oh, by the way, did you hear that Tim Russert died? Apparently he's the first person to ever die. And nothing else has happened anywhere else in the world for the past two days. Seriously, I was watching CNN, CNBC, FOX, and other news channels and it was 24 hour a day Tim Russert-dead coverage:

BREAKING NEWS: TIM RUSSERT STILL DEAD!!!

But that's not all:

BREAKING NEWS: TIM RUSSERT KNEW FAMOUS PEOPLE AND THEY ARE ON THE PHONE RIGHT NOW!!!

Really?

BREAKING NEWS: YES, REALLY! WE ARE REPLAYING THIS INTERVIEW WITH BARBARA WALTERS FROM TEN HOURS AGO BUT WE ARE STILL CALLING IT BREAKING NEWS!!!

Oh, My God! Aren't there cities flooding somewhere? Can't I get some actual news? Sorry; I know his death was shocking and they should definitely report on it but they could give it a rest for a few minutes and tell us something else.

OK, so Eric and I went to New York. Eric was there on business and I went along for the free hotel room so I could check out the museums.

We stayed at the Essex House on Central Park West. Beautiful art deco building that was recently renovated and it has a great location looking over the park. The prices are outrageous so I was expecting a little more luxury. It was very nice and I know we got one of the cheap rooms, but it didn't quite live up to the advertised prices (Eric got a business rate, so I don't know what his company actually paid). We were on the 10th floor looking south and the city view wasn't too bad. The room was pretty small but there was a sofa, which was nice. The lighting system was ridiculous; it was controlled from the phone and we never figured it out. The refrigerator was packed with mini-bar items and had this tiny little space labeled "For your personal use" that was almost big enough to hold a Snickers bar. The bathroom looked fancy but it was not very functional. I have to say, though, they gave us plenty of towels except for the day they didn't give us any at all. The closet was WAY too small and the window blinds were hard to use. It was also hard to get anyone to answer the phone in guest services. Having said that, everyone was very friendly and it was a very nice hotel; certainly more luxurious than I'm used to but still not as luxurious as I was expecting.

We got in Sunday evening and it was about 95 degrees with thunder storms. Awful. We walked (stupid idea) to Mamma Mexico, where we had a nice meal and then we walked back in the rain and saw the Chris Burden sculpture at Rockefeller Center. Then we took three more showers and went to bed.

Monday we put on our Jimmy Choo's and went shopping at Century 21, where we both bought Pucci ties, and we went to Filene's Basement, where we got nothing. We walked by the World Trade Center site. Lots of tourists were in the church graveyard across the street from the site and they were taking pictures with the headstones. Really weird. We had lunch at S'MAC, which only sells macaroni and cheese. It did not sound at all appetising because it was so hot and humid out but it was actually really good! We stopped at H&M on Fifth Avenue on the way back and I bought a suit. We have H&M here in Los Angeles but we don't get the all the same items and I haven't seen the line of slim-cut suits here. They had a size 34 slim cut that fit me really well so I got it. I don't ever wear a suit but it's nice to have one that fits in case I have to go to a wedding, or something. My old Banana Republic suit doesn't fit very well, even though I've had it taken in. I should just have one made but I don't have the patience.

Monday night Eric had a business dinner so I spent the evening with the real New Yorkers: standing in line at Whole Foods. I think I saw the artist Kara Walker shopping there!

Tuesday I went to the Museum of Modern Art, which was only a few blocks from the hotel. The only problem is that it's closed on Tuesdays. Along with almost all the museums in the city. I don't know why I didn't know that. I think Monday is the closed day in most cities. So I walked through the park, even though it was so hot, and I spent the entire day walking like a zombie through the Metropolitan Museum. Most cities have one major museum that's open on the day all the others are closed and for New York it's the Met. I hadn't planned on spending the entire day there but it was actually pretty nice. The other times I've been there I've run through the museum in about an hour, just taking in a few highlights so it was really good to be forced to spend more time. Tuesday night, the weather broke; there was a terrible storm and the temperature dropped twenty degrees.

Wednesday was much more pleasant and I went back to MoMA when it was actually open. I had never been there and I was really impressed. I've been to MoMA Queens but the Midtown location was closed for renovation when I've been there in the past. The new building isn't actually that exciting but the collection is great and I was very excited to see the Olafur Eliasson show. He is an installation artist who works a lot with environments, light, and mirrors and there were some very cool works. I found out that the other half of the show, out at P.S.1 Contemporary Art Center in Queens, had some more installations and not just photographs, as I had thought. So I decided I would have to go out there the next day. I had a nice three course lunch at MoMA. I'm so sorry I just missed the pre-fab housing exhibition they were setting up in the courtyard that will open this month. Wah! I love pre-fab housing!

Anyway, after MoMA, I went next door to see the "Dargerism" show at the American Folk Art Museum. I had seen a Henry Darger exhibition there in the past so I wasn't sure I needed to see another one but I'm so glad I went. It was mostly works by contemporary artists who are inspired by Darger's work and it was really good!

Wednesday night we had dinner at Beacon and I had the wood roasted oysters just for the hell of it and I actually liked them.

Thursday I headed out to Queens to P.S.1 Contemporary Art Center. I was annoyed that I was getting such a late start to the day but when I got out there it wasn't open yet and I had to wait 15 minutes so now I'm glad I got such a late start. So, it really is an old public school building and they've left much of it intact so it's a very strange venue. They had videos set up down in the old furnace rooms in the basement, which was really creepy. There were a few interesting works by Eliasson, like the backward waterfall that has water going up and there were also more disorienting light rooms. But the major work, a thirty or forty foot circular mirror that hangs from the ceiling and rotates and pivots, was closed for repairs. That was disappointing.

After P.S.1, I got back on the subway and went to SoHo. I was hoping to meet up with Tom and Lorenzo of Project Rungay while I was in New York but they weren't able to get into the city this week. So the only Project Runway-related activity I did while I was there was to visit EMC2, Emmett McCarthy's boutique (Emmett was on season two, in case anyone doesn't know who he is). I didn't get to meet Emmett but his shop is very cute and the dresses are adorable!

None of the maps had the new location for the New Museum of Contemporary Art. Yes, the new New Museum of Contemporary Art. The new building opened a couple of months ago but the old location closed years ago so I don't know why it's still on maps. Anyway, I had the address so I was able to find the building, on Bowery, only a few blocks from the old location. The building is really cool; it looks like it's covered in mesh and like someone just randomly stacked different sized boxes on top of each other. Loved it! The exhibitions were OK.

Thursday night we went to Il Mulino, an amazing restaurant in the Village. It's a tacky-looking little space with amazing service and food! Apparently they have a location in Las Vegas but we can't figure out how they would transfer that hole-in-the-wall feeling to Las Vegas. Maybe lots of cramped little rooms? Then we went to Bar 89 for dessert. They have unisex bathrooms with transparent doors that turn opaque when you lock them. Which is OK for a guy, who stands with his back facing the door, but a girl we were with refused to sit down facing a glass door and I don't blame her; I don't think I could have done it. Fun!

Friday we got up early and walked through the park to the Met, just like I did on Tuesday but this time I wasn't by myself and the weather was lovely. I had spent the day there on Tuesday but there were a couple of things I hadn't seen because Eric wanted to see them. We had a limited amount of time because we had to go to the airport but we saw the Superheroes: Fashion and Fantasy show, which was tiny but had some really beautiful pieces; it was a mix of actual superhero costumes from movies and some amazing haute couture outfits from the past few decades that were inspired by the superhero look. Then we went up to the roof with the amazing views of the park and an exhibition of Jeff Koons sculptures. We also went to the temple of Dendur and had lunch in the cafeteria, which was pretty good.


When I was at the museums all week I was amused by the tourists taking pictures of all the most famous paintings they've seen in books even though they already have the pictures in the book where they saw them and they could get better images on postcards in the gift shop. It just didn't make sense to me. Then, of course, when I was there with Eric, he was taking pictures of everything! But seriously, it wasn't the same thing because he was taking weird arty pictures of obscure objects or pictures with him doing the Egyptian and not really taking pictures just of the works of art.

Then we got our luggage and headed to the airport. We had a car service but the driver was completely insane and I actually think a taxi would have been more pleasant. I had four hours at the airport because Eric had an earlier flight but I got a massage and had a drink and the time went by pretty quickly. Unfortunately, my flight was then delayed an hour and then we sat another hour on the plane before we took off so I was at the airport a really long time. When I finally got in to Los Angeles, it was the middle of the night and Eric was asleep so I took a taxi home because I was too tired to deal with a van. I didn't know it would cost almost $100 with tip! That's outrageous! That's almost as much as I spent on airfare! I'll never do that again.

Anyway, I didn't do as much as I had wanted but it was so hot the first couple of days I just didn't feel like doing much. I saw five museums, had some great meals, and did a little shopping. The only thing missing was a show (I went to stand in line for half-price tickets to A Chorus Line but ended up not getting them). All in all, a pretty good trip!

Eric has more pictures and stories on his blog! Thanks for reading and I'll have my Top Chef finale post up tomorrow.

Project Runway, Season Four, Episode 11: The Pre- and yet also Post-Fashion Week episode!

Yes, this is the final challenge before Fashion Week. Except that Fashion Week already happened. For some reason Bravo decided to mess up the schedule even more than usual this time by sending five designers to Bryant Park with, presumably, two decoy collections because we hear in the previews that two designers will be out this week. Well, I'm sure by the end of this episode everything will be clear.

Heidi: "Yeah, it won't be."

We start the episode with Sweet P telling us she can't believe she's still there:

Sweet P: "I can't believe I'm still here!"

America: "We can't believe she's still there!"

Seriously, I can't believe she's still there! And no one can claim it's some sort of Wendy Pepper/Santino Rice deal where the producers are supposedly keeping someone around for drama; she's there through pure, dumb luck. Don't get me wrong; I think she's talented and she's made some really cute dresses; but she often doesn't seem to know what she's doing and she's messed up and been in the bottom two so many times that she's really lucky to still be there.

Sweet P: "Yeah, I know! What the hell am I still doing here?"

The other designers are freaking out:

Chris: "I'm not freaking out. Wake me up when it's over."

God, I love Chris! Is it possible that he's getting larger over the course of the season? It's like Hurley on Lost; how can he be gaining weight when all they have to eat are mangoes and fish?

Chris: "I have a secret stash of peanut butter and potato chips that fell out of the sky."

Oh. OK, so Amanda is out and the designers have to go on one last field trip:

Designers: "Oh, god; another one? Are we there yet?"

Tim: "Don't make me turn this show around and drive back to Parsons!"

This field trip is actually a pretty good one. Tim takes them to the Metropolitan Museum of Art!

Ooh, look; there's a Paul Poiret exhibition! Let's go see that while we're here!

Tim: "We don't have time."

But Project Runway fans would love that and we're not all lucky enough to live in New York!

Tim: "Well, get off your ass and come to New York if you want to see it that badly!"

Fine. What boring old art did you bring us here to see?

Tim: "We're here to advertise the new Greek and Roman sculpture courtyard."

Oh, that will be nice.

Tim: "So, designers, fashion has been inspiring art since the beginning of time. For this challenge you will have to find a work of art that has been inspired by your designs."

Rami: "Oh, that's easy! The Greeks were totally stealing my style! Did I mention that I designed a dress for Aphrodite once? It got her into the top ten list of the best dressed Olympian gods."

Yeah, whatever. The designers also get to visit the temple of Dendur:

Chris: "Oh, look; Nina Garcia carved her initials here in the temple."

None of the designers choose anything from the Egyptian galleries so they go on to the European paintings. The designers manage to find paintings with clothes that look just like their own designs.

So their inspiration choices are not that inspiring but at least they get a private viewing at the Met, which is pretty cool:

Sweet P: "I probably could have touched a painting."

I think they have motion sensors. Anyway, here's what they chose to work with:

Christian: Bartolomé Esteban Murillo (Spanish, 1617–1682), Don Andrés de Andrade y la Cal, probably ca. 1665–72, oil on canvas.
Sweet P: Melchior d' Hondecoeter (Dutch, 1636–1695), Peacocks, 1683, oil on canvas.

Jillian: Master of the Argonauts (Italian, Florentine, fourth quarter 15th century) Scenes from the Story of the Argonauts, ca. 1465, tempura on panel.

Chris: Jean Marc Nattier (French, 1685–1766) Marie Françoise de La Cropte de St. Abre, Marquise d'Argence, 18th c., oil on canvas.
Rami: Venus (sorry, I can't find the sculpture of Aphrodite on the Met website; it's a second century B.C. copy after Praxiteles or something like that. The important thing is that it has a lot of draping.)

Now that they've found the art that looks like something they would have made anyway, it's time to get to work. They have two days and $300. Get going!

Chris takes a nap.

Rami: "I'm not here to make noise. I don't want to wake Chris; he looks so sweet when he's sleeping."

Christian: "Chris is always napping."

Laura Bennett: "Maybe he's pregnant."

As usual, an argument about nothing breaks out in the design room:

Christian: "Jillian is still ironing those pleats."

Jillian: "How could you say such a horrible thing?"

Christian: "Ew, your bitchiness is really unattractive."

And then they are friends again in the next scene.

Rami: "I'm still not making noise. I don't think it is necessary to be loud. I don't see why I can't just keep making totally boring dresses. It's what I do."

Christian is making something like six pieces:

Christian: "And that doesn't include the amuse bouche and desert."

Tim makes his rounds, telling Christian he thinks the cloak is an obfuscation:

Christian: "Isn't that the point of a cloak?"

Tim tells Rami his dress is stunning and he's going to piss off Nina:

Rami: "That's what I do."

Sweet P's dress is supposed to look like a peacock and it looks like kind of a mess but we don't get to see it very well, which makes me think it's going to be OK.

Chris can't be done:

Chris: "Why can't I be done?"

Tim: "Because I said so, that's why."

America picks Jillian as the best dressed designer on the show. Duh.

Very unspecial guest Collier Strong shows up to make little paper makeup faces.

Sweet P's model, Lee finally shows up and starts waving her arms around, putting a voodoo curse on Sweet P:

Lee: "No, I'm sending good vibrations her way."

It's not working. Jillian is still steaming pleats. She tries steaming right on her model. I'm pretty sure you can't do that:

Jillian: "Sure I can."

Let me put it another way: I'm pretty sure you can't do that without burning your model.

Model: "Ow."

Jillian: "Sorry. Hey, you're thin enough to fit through the sewing machine, right?"

The guest judge this week is Roberto Cavalli.

Christian's look is pretty great, as usual. Sure it looks like a Christian design but it not the exact same look and he really went all out, what with all the obfuscation and everything:

Michael: "It's a little Brenda Vaccaro in Zoro the Gay Blade."

I think he likes it! Christian wins (I think)! Congratulations, Christian (if I'm remembering correctly)!

Jillian's look is pretty great, too! I can see why she isn't thrilled with the skirt but I think the overall look is a success. There is definitely a medieval knight vibe to it but it still looks wearable. It's an updated Joan of Arc:

Michael: "How about it's a little Joan Van Ark in Dallas?"

Nina: "That's hilarious, Michael. But if you do your "it's a little someone in some TV show" one more time I'm going to hit you in the face."

Sweet P's Amazing Technicolor Dream Dress is, as expected, much better than we would have thought from the shots in the design room. Again, it's a nice dress. The judges think she has a real talent for ready-to-wear. But the dress just wasn't exciting enough for this challenge. Sweet P is out. As everyone knows, she is going to Bryant Park anyway. Sorry and congratulations, Sweet P!

Chris and Rami both made really beautiful dresses that were also really disappointing. We've seen them before. On this show. This season.

Rami made another Rami dress of purple draping. I thought it was gorgeous. I think it was the best Rami dress that Rami has made so far. But it was still the exact same thing he's been making all season and the judges have told him over and over that they want to see something different. If he doesn't care what the judges think, he's not going to win this show.

Chris also made a beautiful dress that looked way too similar to the one he and Christian made for the avant-garde challenge. I don't understand why he did that.

Roberto Cavalli, of course, is not aware of how derivative the design is. He thinks Chris's is the best design for this challenge. This makes me think Rami will be out. But the other judges ignore him and decide that Rami and Chris were equal in this challenge and therefore will be competing for the third spot at Fashion Week. They will both make collections and one will be chosen to compete in the final right before the show.

So that's the hook this time. Five collections, one real decoy, and a second decoy to be determined at the last minute. They could have just had four collections in the final, like they did last time. But they had to shake things up. Woohoo!

Erics do London, January 2007!

Other Eric and I just back from London and I thought I'd write a little recap of our trip before I go watch two episodes of Top Chef and the season one Project Runway reunion special. Also see my little dining observation in the previous post.

Now, many of you may already know that most of our travel is Kylie Minogue-related. I'm only partly joking; Other Eric is a huge fan and we've traveled several times to see her. I think we're done for a little while but we did go to London this time to see her big post-cancer treatment concert. We travelled to Australia last year to see her in Sydney but she had to cancel the tour right before we went so Eric really wanted a chance to see it. The concert was a blast, she looked and sounded fabulous, and the new Wembly tube station is such an improvement!

We love London but it's so expensive and we are ready to travel someplace different, like China or Turkey. When I go to London I try not to do too much and instead just see things I haven't seen before. For instance, last time it was the London Eye, a boat to Greenwich, a play at the Globe, walking across the Millennium Bridge, seeing the new central courtyard at the British Museum, etc.

Last time we went I did also drag Eric to my favorite London museum, the Wallace Collection (all those Watteaus!) but this time we just went to a few specific exhibitions. We saw the Tiffany show at Somerset House (a friend told me to get a magnifying glass and it really did make all the difference. Beautiful!), Sixties Fashion at the V&A, works from Damien Hirst's collection at the Serpentine Gallery, and we went on one of the slides installed by Carsten Höller in the Turbine Hall at the Tate Modern (http://www.tate.org.uk/modern/exhibitions/carstenholler/). I also spent two days trying to get into the Holbein show at the Tate. I guess it was worth it -- the paintings were pretty amazing -- but the galleries were packed like sardines so it was a little hard to enjoy them. I also got into the Turner Prize show, which was crap.

We did a couple of things Eric had done before but I hadn't, such as taking the train out to Windsor Castle. We also visited Kensington Palace, which had an exhibition of Diana's evening gowns. She sure wore a lot of velvet. After Kensington Palace we had high tea at the Orangery. It was very nice and it was affordable. We weren't dressed to go to the Ritz (sorry, Ms. Place).

One interesting thing we did was visit the Dennis Severs' House, which advertises itself as a "time capsule" of an 18th-century silk weaver's house. It has very interesting opening hours like "the Monday after the first Sunday of the month from 12 to 2." It's an 18th-century town house that is part museum and part installation art. It is furnished with smells and sounds and with burning candles and food so that you are supposed to feel like you just walked into someones home in a different time period. It sounds a little kitschy but it is actually very interesting because it is so different from a regular museum. The candlelight evening hours are supposed to be best for getting into the mood but the rainy afternoon we visited was pretty good (and it was cheaper). The website is http://www.dennissevershouse.co.uk/ and I recommend it if you want to do something different in London.

We also saw Avenue Q at the Noel Coward Theatre because it hasn't come to Los Angeles yet. Eric already knew some of the music but I didn't. We both really enjoyed it. We had dinner with an artist friend, Michael Petry (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Petry), and his partner and heard about the new shows he has opening in Houston (In the Garden of Eden at the Devin Borden Hiram Butler Gallery) and New York (America the Beautiful at the Sundaram Tagore Gallery, http://www.sundaramtagore.com/) and then we went to a club called Duckie at the old Royal Vauxhall Tavern. Coincidentally, there was a feature article about the Vauxhall in that week's Time Out London and it is a pretty interesting story: the tavern has been important in the history of gay London since World War II and it was built in 1863 on the site of a 17th-century pleasure garden. It was pretty packed on a Saturday night and Eric and I almost died from the smoke but we had a good time.

The weather was much better than we were expecting but we were expecting constant downpours. It was really just intermittent light rain and it was unseasonably warm (I think it was in the fifties. The weather report was for 9 to 13 degrees and I was all, "what is that; like 50 below zero?" Anyway, the only problem was the wind, which was pretty bad at times. But, all in all, we really lucked out with the weather.

Oh, one last thing for fans of food and comedy: on the plane back I watched an episode of the British comedy Posh Nosh with Richard E. Grant and Arabella Weir. Now, I realize my standards for in-flight entertainment are exceedingly low but I found this show to be hysterical and if you get a chance to see it I recommend it. It doesn't appear to be available on Amazon but you can see clips on their website http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/poshnosh/. There are some classic cooking tips such as: "There are a number of incredibly overpriced vinegars on the market right now. So any one of them will do."

OK, now on to my Bravo recaps!