Project Runway, Season Two, Episode 1: Sloppy Seconds!

The boys at Project Rungay are using the break before season four to blog about the first two seasons of Project Runway on DVD and they are on season two now, in case you haven't been paying attention. Other Eric and I are watching and here's my recap.

Sorry it's a little late this week. I was going to do it this morning but it's been unseasonably warm here in Los Angeles so we went to Santa Monica instead. Eric wanted to go to the Barney's sale, which is held in an airplane hanger and I said yes because there are no dressing rooms and you get to see cute guys trying on pants. Plus, of course, the sales are great. A cotton T-shirt that would normally sell for twelve thousand dollars is on sale for only six thousand. Yeah. Obviously, I didn't buy anything, though one year I did find a shirt there for $20. Other Eric actually bought a nice suit. So then we went and had tea for two at a British tea shop and walked Third Street Promenade. Sorry, what was my point? Oh, yeah; that's why I'm just getting to my recap.

So we start the road to the runway with Tim Gunn and some other people interviewing designers in different cities, with a different season one designer in each city:

First up is Jay and he's got his interviewing style down:

Jay: "Dance for me, monkeys!"

We meet Diana:

Diana: "I like to use my knowledge of physics to make clothes."

I'm sorry, but could you speak up?

Diana: "I said I put a small nuclear reactor in these pants that makes the zipper go down when it senses that your bladder is full and you need to pee."

Cool!

Next up is Austin and we meet Zulema:

Zulema: "I'm 28."

Are you sure?

Zulema: "Don't make me hurt you."

I believe you.

Hey, there's Kayne! Hi Kayne! Bye Kayne! See you soon!

Next is Wendy and we meet Chloe:

Chloe: "I am going to Fashion Week, ass-wipes!"

Next up is Robert and we meet Heidi (I can't remember her last name so I have no way of distinguishing her from Heidi Klum but fortunately we won't need to worry about that for long):

Heidi: "This is my dining room a.k.a. living room a.k.a. workroom a.k.a. massage parlor. I don't know what 'a.k.a.' means but it sounds smart so I'm going to say it a lot!"

Next up is Kara Saun:

Kara Saun: "I am so successful!"

Kara Saun is in Los Angeles and that seems to be where most of our designers are coming from this season. We meet Nick and I'm already sick of fishtail hems. We meet Raymundo:

Heidi: "Ray-what-o?"

Raymundo.

Heidi: "Well, I can't say that so I'll just call him Ray."

Raymundo: "I like her. It takes balls to leave the house when you're that dumb. And I like people who have balls. That's why I called my label Young Balls. My father thought that name was a little gay. But that's OK because I'm gay."

You are kidding me.

We meet Santino:

Santino: "America's great love affair with Santino is about to commence!"

We meet - surprise - Daniel Franco!

Daniel Franco: "As you can see, I use very expensive fabric."

I'm sorry, but I don't care how damn expensive his fabric is, his clothes are just as boring as they ever were. Why are they bringing him back?

Daniel Franco: "I promise there will be less bliss this time."

You better fucking mean it!

OK, so we meet the rest of the designers very quickly and I have no idea where they are. We meet Guadalupe and she's putting fleurchons on a dress in her garage! Fleurchons! No! My eyes! My eyes!

We meet Kirsten, Andre (oh, our sweet, sweet Andre), Daniel V., Kara, Emmett, John, and Marla.

The designers were sent packages with six yards of muslin and $20 in cash for suplies.

Tim: "I had to go down to the ATM and take those twenties out of my own checking account. Bravo sucks."

Heidi (the real Heidi) is pregnant and tells us that two people will be eliminated and only the other 12 will actually make it onto the show. So apparently the show hasn't actually started yet. What are we watching?

So how did the designers do with their muslin dresses for the first challenge that isn't really the first challenge because the show hasn't started yet?

Nick: "The model is going to be my muse. My strategy will be to just focus on designing for one model who I will keep though the whole season."

Good luck with that.

Andre: "It's hard to make muslin look pretty. Oh, my god, I'm getting so emotional just thinking about how hard it is to make muslin look pretty. It really means a lot to me! Oh, no! I told myself I was not going to cry!"

OK, maybe we'll come back to him later when he's had a chance to calm down. Lets go to the runway, where Heidi (the real Heidi), Michael Kors, and Nina Garcia (Yeah!) will be judging who gets through the semi-finals and on to the real show.

Chloe's is fine, Raymundo's is pretty, Daniel V.'s sucks, Nick's is dramatic, Santino's is really good, Zulema's is a little strange, Emmett's is pretty, Lupe's is just a mess, Andre's is boring, John's came off the back of a Rit dye package, Marla's looks like something from a Mad Max movie, Heidi's is really dull, Kara's is fantastic, Kirstin's is OK, Diana's science experiment blew up, and Daniel F.'s makes it look like his model's boobs are flapping in the wind.

Santino, Diana, Daniel F., Heidi, and John are brought back to the runway. We are told that they are the top and bottom but, as far as I can tell, the only design they like is Santino's. They don't hate Diana's but I really don't get the impression they thought it was in the top. I think they brought out the worst and Santino, which seems strange.

Anyway, Santino wins! Congratulations, Santino!

Santino: "The first in a series of wins."

Whatever.

John defends his dress:

John: "It was hot ..."

Michael Kors: "... so you were too lazy to do any work. That explains it. Thank you."

Heidi defends her dress:

Heidi: "I think my dress is pretty. Did I win?"

Nina: "Why is Daniel here again? I think someone else deserves a chance."

Wow, what a bitchy thing to say! Oh, that's right; I said the exact same thing.

John and Heidi are sent home:

Heidi says goodbye to them ...

Heidi: "Do you mean me or Heidi Klum?"

Heidi Klum.

Heidi: "Auf wiedersehen."

Heidi: "Auf what-ersehen?"

Daniel: "Life goes on."

Heidi: "Oh, I really miss that show."

Top Design Recap, Episode 2: Don't Mind Doin' it for the Kids!

My recap is up, over on Top Design Blogger! Check it out here!

Blogging Antiques Roadshow!

OK, don't get too excited because this will not be a regular feature but the other Eric decided to try out the new laptop-blogging-from-the-living-room-live-while-we-watch-television method and he decided to do it for Antiques Roadshow! Check it out here!

Television: the other white meat!

So we Tivo'd the Superbowl because we had to attend this funeral for some guy named Matt (or was it Mike?) who apparently worked at the bar where we hang out but we made a pact that we wouldn't find out who won the game so that we could watch it and be surprised; and boy, was that difficult because some little kid extorted money out of me to keep him from telling me who won and one of our friends is a newscaster and she had to keep the sports announcer from giving the score on the news; I even managed to pick up chicken wings without finding out because I was wearing dark glasses and earphones. All the effort was worth it!

OK, so what really happened is we Tivo'd the game so that we could fast-forward through it and watch the commercials; a long-standing tradition of two years and about the gayest thing in the world. But they just don't make Superbowl commercials like they used to. Eric had seen some of them while I was in the kitchen:

Eric: "None of the commercials were funny."

Me: "I heard you laugh once."

Eric: "Really?"

Me: "Yeah. Let me guess: someone got hit in the face."

Eric: "Oh yeah; there was one where someone got hit in the face."

How good am I? I could tell from his laugh that someone had been hit in the face. You can never go wrong with hitting someone in the face. Pure comedy gold. Basically I think all commercials should feature someone getting hit in the face. I know some people will argue that a baseball bat to the nuts is much funnier but I think that's just a little juvenile, don't you? No, you definitely have to go with someone getting hit in the face. Whether it's with a rock or a cell phone, it can't fail.

But, no, the commercial with the guy getting a rock to the face was not my favorite. That honor has to go to the one where everyone slaps the shit out each other because it's the new fist-butt (which was the new high-five?). It's basically someone getting hit in the face but with a little twist. I though it was a very Barney (from How I Met Your Mother) thing to do; to just decide to invent a new social greeting.

The Coke commercial with the video game where the guy is nice to everyone instead of killing everyone was kind of cute. Other than that, they were pretty boring. Where's the commercial with dancers dressed as burger-components piling on top of each other to form a Whopper? Well, those days are gone, my friend.

Oh, so some of you may have read on Other Eric's blog that he got a new laptop so now we can blog right from the living room while we're watching television. Great; we've discovered another way to keep from ever having to speak to each other. OK, it's not that bad but we do watch too much television. Personally, I don't type (or even think) fast enough to actually blog while I'm watching television but if he wants to try it that's great.

Studio 60 is dead to me. I tried so hard. I really did. We even went to counseling but we just couldn't work things out. It's so preachy I just can't deal with it anymore. I gave it every opportunity to make me happy. I remember back to the good old days when I first fell in love. It went by the name "The West Wing" back then. It was just as preachy and didactic and it took itself way too seriously, but somehow I was able to forgive these flaws. Probably because the show was about running the country and not about making a goddamn painfully unfunny television show. I'll move on.

One final television note: the boys at Project Rungay (http://www.projectrungay.blogspot.com) are blogging season two of Project Runway starting tomorrow! So get those DVDs ready! I'm planning on doing recaps so check back here Friday or Saturday for that.

Top Design Recap, Premier: Queer Eye for the Pacific Design Center!

My recap is up, over on Top Design Blogger! Check it out here!

Top Chef Finale, Part Two: Paprika in Paradise!

So it's come to this. An entire season of Top Chef and we're left with two immature little shits.

Much has been made of the obvious sexual tension between the two finalists (Amuse-Biatch covered this aspect very well) but nothing prepared me for hearing how Ilan wanted to pee on Marcel! look, what they do in the privacy of their own Kenmore Pro Kitchen is their business, but I don't want to hear about it. Oh, alright, I want to hear about it a little bit.

Anyway, other than the uni sting (you'll just feel a little prick, Marcel) they appeared to be having a lovely, romantic getaway at the Hilton Waikoloa Village. They played in the tide pools, Marcel showed Ilan how to make foam, and Ilan showed Marcel that it wasn't a bottle of paprika in his pocket.

Some of the chefs were brought back but not all of them. I guess Bravo didn't want to pay to send them all to Hawaii. Mia requests working with Marcel, which is nice. Stupidly, he doesn't pick her. He picks Sam and Michael. Even though they don't get along, I guess I can understand picking Sam but I don't understand picking Michael. He has his moments but I wouldn't describe him as being terribly motivated or helpful.

Ilan picks Elia and Betty. Fair enough.

They are serving eight people at separate restaurants and they have four hours of prep time. The judges are Michelle Bernstein, who we know; Scott Conant, who I've never heard of; Wylie Dufresne, who apparently knows about the gastronomic whatever Marcel is always going on about; Roy Yamaguchi; Hubert Keller; and, of course, Gail, Padma, and Tom.

Ilan makes a surprise appetizer. It's eels from a jar on a piece of toast and it's not very good:

Ilan: "Surprise!"

His next course is fish and apparently it's delicious and cooked perfectly. Third course is squab and shrimp. Betty is knocking the heads off all the shrimp:

Betty: "What do you expect? I only know how to make soup!"

Next is short ribs, which don't impress the judges at all. And for desert he serves little balls of fruit and sorbet with a bay leaf that has been dipped in batter and fried.

Ilan: "I built the entire meal around that bay leaf."

Cool!

Marcel starts out well during the prep:

Michael: "Marcel really know what he's doing. He's really easy to work with and can tell me exactly what he wants me to do. We make a great team!"

But not so good when they take the food over to the restaurant kitchen and do the cooking:

Michael: "Marcel sucks!"

I'm not sure whose fault this is but it seems Marcel is surprisingly poorly organized and the team seams to have lost most of the food:

Marcel: "I think Sam just put the fish up on that high shelf because he knew I wouldn't be able to reach it!"

Anyway, he recovers. His first course is uni (hasn't he learned to stay away from those things) with a Meyer lemon gelee, or something like that. The judges love it. The next course is a salad:

Judges: "What the fuck? A salad? Is this a joke?"

Wow, calm down; it's just a salad.

Judges: "That's the point! It's just a fucking salad!"

Oh. I see what you mean. Well, it was supposed to have these super cool little sugar capsules full of vinaigrette dressing but it didn't work because of the humidity.

Tom: "Didn't I mention the humidity?"

Yes, you did, Mr. Smartypants. OK, so that course was a thumbs down. Next is something with hearts of palm. It was supposed to be fish but the three stooges forgot it in the main kitchen. Cue video footage of the fish sitting forlornly on a shelf; you can almost hear the fish saying, "I'm so lonely, here in this refrigerator all by myself. Why has everyone forgotten me?" Anyway, the judges love the dish and think it was perfect without the fish. They don't understand why Marcel told them something was missing. I know why. It's because he's an idiot.

Then he serves seared beef, which I guess is fine. For desert he serves blinis with Kona coffee caviar, which is pretty damn clever and the judges seem to really like it.

The judges compare the meals course by course:

Marcel wins the starter, Ilan wins the second course, the third course is a draw, Marcel wins the fourth course, and the desert seems to be even. By my count that means Marcel wins! Congratulations, Marcel!

Oh, wait, the judges aren't done deliberating. They bring out all the other chefs to bitch about Marcel.

Other Chefs: "We hate Marcel!"

OK, we get it!

Tom: "Elia, who do you think should win?"

Elia: "Ilan's food tonight was much better than Marcel's"

Tom: "Did you even taste Marcel's food?"

Elia: "I didn't need to."

Yeah, Elia's an idiot but why did Tom ask her that stupid question in the first place? Obviously she had no basis for an opinion. As a side note, I think Elia said in some insane interview she did last week that the producers were going to bring up Marcel's cheating in the finale. They didn't.

Oh, and remember back to earlier in this episode when Sam and Michael said they wanted Marcel to win because it would be a great reflection on their skill? Oh, I forgot to mention that? Well, they said something like that. Guess what? They changed their minds at the judges' table.

Ilan wins. Congratulations. Whatever. He wins $100,000 worth of Glad Wrap and a very reasonably-priced Kenmore Pro Kitchen.

Ilan: "Does anybody want to trade me a watch for my Kenmore Pro Kitchen? Yeah, baby; I'm gonna be a real Top Chef; not like that boring Harold. Man, there was a rush of blood through my body as soon as I heard the 'C' word!"

The "C" word!?

Ilan: "Yeah. 'Congratulations.' What did you think I meant?"

Marcel loses:

Marcel: "@*%&#Ilan!%*&#paprika#$*%!&judges@!$#*&knives%#!*%!@win@&$%!#stupid!!!!"

Fortunately, I'm still a few years away from having a duck quack off in my face!

OK, that was the best Ugly Betty yet! They really pulled out all the stops and there was so much going on I thought maybe it was the season finale. I have to say that I wasn't sure about this show after the first episode but it has become one of my favorites. Yesterday (or the day before) I was reading an article in the Los Angeles Times (a rare event, to be honest) about Betty's nephew and the gay content of the show. What? Gay content in the show? You are kidding me! I never noticed! Anyway, the kid on the show gets mail from other boys who enjoy fashion more than sports and they say how much they appreciate seeing his character on television. I got a little weepy reading that. He was especially adorable last night in his scenes with Wilhelmina. The article also talked about how Wilhelmina's assistant, Mark is just assumed to be gay and that it wasn't necessary to come right out and say it. Well last night's episode pretty much came right out and said it, with him looking for gay cruises. Not that anyone doubted it before but it was interesting the word "gay" hadn't really been used; gayness was just incorporated as a normal part of the show.

The show premiered in London when we were there the first week of January. There were billboards everywhere, posters in the tube stations, articles in all the magazines and what pass for newspapers there. It was crazy! And we promoted it too; when people asked if it was worth watching we told them it was really good. Now that the show is getting better and better every week I'm even more happy about endorsing it.

We also watched 30 Rock and it was also an especially good episode. I think that show is hilarious (Eric is not completely sold on it but agrees that Alec Baldwin is fantastic). When we went to bed I said, "That was such a satisfying evening of television." Sad.

Our Digital Cable Went Out: does anyone know CPR?

OK, so last night at about 8:30 our digital cable went all funny. Not funny "ha ha" but funny "queer." Well, not so much funny "queer" as funny "why now, Lord?" No digital cable means no Bravo. We have televisions in other rooms but we only have digital channels in the Living Room. Don't ask me why; it's too much for my little brain. So we're sitting there nervously laughing about how funny it would be if we weren't able to watch the Top Chef finale or the Top Design premier. What would we do? I mean, Bravo will only repeat them seven thousand times. Yeah, it wasn't really that big a deal but I do like to be surprised by the outcome and if I have to wait to watch the shows there is the chance I will accidentally learn what happens. I can't believe I made it three days without finding out what was leaked by Food and Wine Magazine.

[A side note on what we were watching when the digital cable went out: Other Eric used to tell me he enjoyed watching "Dancing with the Stars" because he just loved watching good ballroom dancing so last night I said, "Well, then you'll love the ballroom dancing show on PBS!" So then the truth comes out: he really just likes watching celebrities dancing. I knew it! I made him watch it anyway and it was really good. We especially loved the one couple who did a martial-arts-inspired tango that was amazing (they won that round). So I just thought I'd share; "Dancing with the Nobodies" or whatever it's called was pretty enjoyable and Marilu Henner wasn't a bad host.]

Anyway, we got the cable back after about 20 minutes, with over an hour to spare until the big shows! Whew! Crisis averted! OK, so I watched the Top Chef finale and I'll get a recap up in a couple of days. I only watched the beginning of the Top Design premier and will watch the rest after work today. Look for my recap of that show over on Top Design Blogger (http://topdesignblogger.blogspot.com/) .

So, just to remind you, here are some of the Top Design fan blogs to check out:

Top Design Blogger (http://topdesignblogger.blogspot.com/) is from the makers of Blogging Top Chef and where you will find my exciting recaps.

Project: Top Design (http://projecttopdesign.blogspot.com/) is from the makers of Project Rungay and Project: Gay.

Blogging Top Design (http://bloggingtopdesign.blogspot.com/) is from the makers of Blogging Project Runway.

Kora in Hell (http://kora-in-hell-pr.blogspot.com/) is from the makers of Kora in Hell (which now covers Top Design).

Pink Navy (http://pinknavy.blogspot.com/) is from the makers of Amuse Biatch.

I'm sure there are many more but these are the only ones I have time to read.

Top Design update!

Recently I received this desperate letter from one of my crazed fans:

Dear Eric Three Thousand,

I know you've listed several great Top Design blogs to visit but couldn't you tell us about just one more? It would really make my life complete. Thanks!

Sincerely,

Fervently Reading Everything And Kissing You

Well, you're in luck, FREAKY! Here you go:

Our friends Charlus and Miss XaXa of Amuse-Biatch present for your delectation their new blog called Pink Navy (http://pinknavy.blogspot.com/). If you enjoy humor, bitchiness, taste, and deconstruction (and I know you do) then you'll love visiting them every day!

Top Chef Recap, Finale, Part 1: Aloha Oe, you smell like poi!

In this "supersized" episode we spend approximately thirty seconds looking back at all the other chefs who were kicked off the show. Then Padma reminds us again what's at stake. Does anyone really care about winning a stupid Kenmore Pro Kitchen? We hear in a commercial a little later on that it's "priced within reach!" Well that makes it even more special, doesn't it?

OK, It's two months later and we're visiting with the final four:

We visit Marcel at Joel Robuchon in Las Vegas where his coworkers praise him for being "cutting edge." Then we visit with him at home with the other two members of his "gastronomic society," which I think translates to "ménage à trois." They're heavily into "research and development," or S&M for short. Let me know if putting everything in quotes is "getting on your nerves." Oh, one more thing: Marcel has emulsifiers and he's not afraid to use them. Watch out!

Elia, also in Las Vegas, is working at The Cafe, I think at Mandalay Bay. She has been doing her researches on the Internets and learning about the Hawaiian food. We learn that she was two seconds from going to the Olympics. She just missed her flight. Just kidding; she was a swimming champ and almost qualified for the Olympics. So she's used to just missing greatness. That will come in handy.

Ilan works in New York at Casa Mono, which I think means House of Venereal Disease. I like his apartment with the bed loft.

Sam apparently doesn't have a job. He's selling himself for pastry lessons. We learn that he has no ego. He's putting jars of food in a suitcase. Aren't those going to break? Maybe they're plastic.

The next scene is Los Angeles International Airport but I don't know if that means Sam was in Los Angeles because it turns out everyone is catching the same flight from Los Angeles to Hawaii. Their first/business class seats are not impressive, though apparently they get good food. After they land they are leid by Miss Hawaii. Ooh, hee hee! See, that sounds like she had sex with them but she didn't really.

They take a terrifying (to Sam) helicopter ride to visit Padma, Gail, Tom, and guest judge/birthday boy Alan Wong, grandmaster of regional Hawaiian cuisine, whatever that means. They are in the taro fields of Waipi'o Valley on the Big Island and they are having a traditional Hawaiian meal.

I should explain that I grew up in Honolulu so I know a little about Hawaiian food; specifically, I'm really good at frying SPAM! So, they're having a meal that is so traditional that they are actually eating with their fingers. And yet for some reason they are sitting in chairs, which is not very traditional. Chef Wong tells us about the importance of taro, which is used for the traditional starch dish poi. He then tells us poi is actually anything that has been pounded and cooked a long time and can also be made out of ulu (breadfruit) or sweet potato. This is news to me. I've never heard of poi made out of anything other than taro. I'll take his word for it. Anyway, the chefs are also introduced to laulau (which can be almost anything cooked in Ti leaves) and poke (which is like ceviche and I can't stand raw fish so I always skip this). Apparently they also have haupia because everyone talks about it the next day but we don't get to see it, as far as I can tell. Haupia is a stiff coconut pudding (it should be as stiff as jello) and it's basically just coconut milk, corn starch, and sugar. It's my favorite!

The chefs check in to their suite at the Hilton Waikoloa Village. Everyone hates Marcel. In fact, even Wendy Pepper refuses to share a room with him. For some reason Elia suddenly can't stand Marcel and acts like he's been awful the whole time even though she seemed to like him before. What's up with that? Does it have to do with her shame over the terrible events in the last challenge? I'm really confused by her sudden contempt for him.

The next day they are told their challenge will be to make a cutting edge traditional luau.

"But that's oxymoronic!"

Yeah, yeah, whatever; just do it! They have to take the traditional flavors of Hawaiian food and put a twist on them.

Marcel makes his interpretation of lomi lomi salmon, which, of course, he serves with foam. His second dish is poke with pineapple poi. Or, more accurately, pineapple "poi." Its very popular, though the judges' reactions to it are really erratic. Padma and Gail get into a cat fight over its viscosity (Padma thinks it's too runny and Gail thinks Padma is crazy) and Tom and Alan can't seem to decide whether they appreciate the twist on "poi" or whether it's too much of a stretch. I'm very confused.

All the other chefs have comments about Marcel's food and presentation. Sam praises Marcel's food, saying he could make rat crap on a plate look good:

Sam: "That wasn't a compliment."

Oh, my mistake.

Sam: "He's deconstructed the food. It's almost destructively deconstructed."

I see.

Ilan: "Marcel thinks he's so superior but even he knows he's not."

So he thinks he's superior but he knows he's not? What the hell does that mean?

Elia: "Ugh, Marcel is going on and on describing his dish. He's been describing his dish for fifteen minutes. The guests are actually dropping dead from boredom. It's like he's reading a story to his daughter."

Oh, how I loved hearing that story when I was a little girl: "Then the wolf showed Little Red Riding Hood how to use emulsifiers to thicken the pineapple puree ..." Yeah, that really brings back fond childhood memories. By the way, Elia seems to be the only one bored by Marcel. The guests and judges didn't seem to mind his explanation. And does Marcel have a daughter? He must have been a sperm donor because he's never had sex, remember?

Sam makes poke with sea beans (what the hell are sea beans?) and he puts a ceviche twist on it. For his second dish he makes a marscarpone mousse with coconut milk and citrus tuile, which he says is his twist on "that coconut desert we had last night." I wasn't sure if he meant haupia because at that point I hadn't realized they had been served haupia the previous day. What he's making doesn't sound even remotely like haupia, which really is nothing like a mousse. However, everyone loved it and the judges thought it was a good twist on the traditional dish. So, obviously I'm an idiot. One complaint about Sam's food is that he didn't actually cook anything:

Padma: "So what?"

Tom: "So, this is a cooking show not a refrigerating show. Do I have to explain everything to you, Padma?"

Elia makes a Mediterranean style poke, which has nothing to do with the flavors of Hawaii and then she makes a snapper laulau, which the judges think is very good.

Ilan uses his knowledge of Spanish food and makes another laulau, this one with squid and sausage, which the judges really like. Then he makes a fried coconut-milk and saffron desert. As Alan points out, simply using coconut milk doesn't make something Hawaiian; that desert was closer to Indian food. But his food is so good the judges seem to ignore the fact that it wasn't very Hawaiian.

Elia is mad at Marcel for moving one of her pots. Marcel says the burner wasn't on and that he said he was moving the pot but Elia says the burner was on and she never heard him. Again, it's too bad nobody was filming the action so we would know who is correct. I tend to believe Marcel simply because he is the one who saw the burner before he moved the pot and the burner was either off or he's lying, for which he seems to have little motivation. While on the other hand, Elia was obviously not paying attention to the pot so she wouldn't actually know if the burner was still on when Marcel moved it. With so many people in the kitchen it's a little difficult to prove Marcel actually turned off the burner. And he admitted to moving the pot, which he wouldn't have done if he had been intentionally sabotaging his best friend on the show. Throughout the competition, whenever Marcel wants to use the stove or needs someone to get their vegetables out of a sink or keep the refrigerator doors closed, everyone says he's rude. Why is it not rude for Cliff to keep his vegetables sitting in the sink when other people need to use it? I don't get it.

While the judges are deliberating Sam, Ilan, and Elia suddenly decide to accuse Marcel of cheating.

Ilan: "Come on, Elia, this could be our last chance to screw him over."

Elia: "I don't know. I really want to do it but for some reason it just doesn't seem quite right to accuse someone of cheating for absolutely no reason."

Sam: "Don't be such a pussy."

At the judges' table:

Tom: "There are no losers here, other than the two losers."

Ilan: "Uh, Elia has something she'd like to say."

Elia: "Oh, thanks, Ilan; that's very gracious of you to make me do it. OK, Marcel has been cheating through the whole competition."

Tom: "What did he do?"

Ilan: "Well, we don't think he respects the kitchen and food as much as he should. Also, I don't think he's ever had sex."

Sam: "Everyone hates him. But I don't really want to say anything bad about him because ..."

Everyone: "Because you're not 'That Guy;' we know!"

Elia: "Come on Marcel, you know you've been cheating."

Tom: "Can you give us an example?"

Elia: "Well, today he moved my pot. It didn't actually affect my cooking but I think it demonstrates his terrible attitude in the kitchen."

Gail: "You accused him of cheating! Can you give us an example of cheating?"

Elia: "Everyone agrees he's annoying! In fact America just voted and they all want Marcel to be eliminated. Why should I have to come up with actual examples? Can't a person just accuse someone of cheating without being subjected to the Spanish Inquisition? Geez!"

Tom: "OK, remember when I said there were no losers here? I was wrong. I think you're all losers."

Padma: "Marcel and Ilan, you're going to the final. Elia and Sam, pack your knives and get out of my sight."

Elia: "Well, at least I can leave with my head held high, knowing I handled myself well. Except for the time I was involved in an assault and when I maliciously accused someone of cheating for no reason. Now that I think about it, why am I holding my head high?"

Well, that was another depressing episode. Where does Bravo find these people? Anyway, tune in next week when we learn that Ilan has more than just paprika in his kit. You know what that means! Well, if you do, could you explain it to me? Thanks.