Project Runway Season Six, Episode Eight: Gay Divorcees!

Sorry for posting so late but I just had a garage sale and it took three full days of my life. I didn't make much money but I got rid of a lot of stuff, including many items too bulky for me to transport to a charity shop myself. So it was a success. I am so exhausted I can barely move.

Anyway, last time on Project Runway the designers were asked to create something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue. The twist was that the look had to be old without looking dated, new without being edgy, borrowed without looking copied, and blue without actually being blue. Irina won and Louise was out.

We start the episode with Logan frying bacon. I'm going to start the controversial rumor that it is actually turkey bacon. I know I will get a lot a hate-mail over this but I just think it was too flat for regular bacon. Regular bacon gets all curly and shrinks up when you fry it. It must be turkey bacon, right? What kind of man's man would eat turkey bacon? You be the judge.

However, this is the one time I'm glad Logan is wearing a shirt. Because splattering grease can be really painful. The only thing worse than frying bacon shirtless is frying bacon pantless. Trust me.

Irina has decided that everyone is talking about her behind her back:

Irina: "Everyone is jealous because I'm so talented. And pretty."

What evidence do you have of this?

Irina: "They are all smiling and being nice to me. Obviously they all hate me."

Right. So I'm starting to think Irina is psychotic but then Logan confirms her theory:

Logan: "Irina is much more talented than the rest of us. I don't know why she's acting like she's better than the rest of us."

Heidi introduces us to the gay divorcees:

Heidi: "These women aren't actually gay but their dresses sure are! What the hell were they thinking? These women were all recently divorced. And by 'recently,' I mean within the past fifty years. They are ready to get on with their lives and start dating much younger men. Your challenge is to take these tragic wedding dresses and turn them into even more tragic cocktail dresses."

I love this challenge! It's specific, difficult, and makes sense. The symbolism of destroying your wedding dress to mark the end of your marriage and turning it into something new to mark the beginning of your new life makes a lot of sense. Of course, a couple of the women have been divorced for decades so I hope they got on with their lives a long time ago. But for the most part I think this is an excellent challenge.

Let's see how they can screw up this challenge, shall we?

Tim: "You'll get to buy two yards of fabric at Mood."

WHY?!!! Why ruin the challenge? Just use the wedding dress. It's not that complicated. You can make an entire outfit with two yards of fabric so it defeats the purpose of challenge. Well, fortunately, most of the designers end up using the wedding dress for the majority, if not the entirety, of the new look. Which begs the question: what was the point of that distraction? All the results would have been better and the challenge would have been more streamlined if they had just skipped the visit to Mood.

The designers meet with their divorcees:

The divorcee Nicolas is working with wants him to work with materials that are cruelty free:

Divorcee: "I don't want any animals to suffer because of this outfit."

Nicolas: "Don't worry. My clothes only cause human suffering."

Shirin is already complaining about her lack of material and her inability to dye polyester, when she then has to deal with her divorcee's demands, which are so ridiculous I can only assume the producers of the show have put her up to it:

Divorcee: "I want a huge peacock-feather headdress!"

No, she doesn't. Nobody wants a huge peacock-feather headdress. This whole storyline is complete bullshit.

We learn more of Gordana's story:

Gordana: "I was married before I got divorced."

Yeah, that's usually how it works.

The producers arrange a very emotional telephone call between Gordana and an answering machine. Seriously, this is the first time she's been allowed to call her children and nobody bothered to find out if her children were home? I don't understand how these calls work but this was pretty sucky.

Epperson completely screws up the challenge. First he decides to use as little of the wedding dress as possible. Then when Tim tells him the challenge was to use the wedding dress, he ends up making something that used as much of the dress as possible. He couldn't seem to grasp the concept of taking the dress and making something new out of it.

Tim makes his rounds:

Tim: "Irina, how did you get this beautiful grey color?"

The same way everyone else got that grey color. By trying to dye the fabric black. That's what man-made fabrics look like when you try dye them black. I know this because when I went through my mandatory goth period, I tried to dye all my clothes black. The color she got is pretty, though.

Tim helps Shirin with her meltdown:

Tim: "Shirin, that dress is awful. And that trim you bought disturbs me. And what the hell are you wearing? I hate those shoes."

Shirin: "You aren't supposed to help me have a meltdown. You are supposed to help me work through my meltdown."

Tim: "In that case, I think you should start making paper dolls."

In the final fittings Nicolas decides that his is the most hideous outfit he has ever made. And that's saying a lot.

Epperson tells us that all the women said he should win. Interestingly, we don't hear anyone actually say it.

Logan thinks his look is a disaster. He's right.

The judges are Micheal Kors, some woman from Marie Claire, and the founder of Jimmy Choo.

Irina made a very pretty lace dress. It's a huge transformation from the wedding dress and this woman could definitely wear it to dinner or a party. However, I'm still getting a wedding vibe from it; it feels a little "mother of the bride" to me.

Shirin made a pretty little white dress. Well, perhaps "made" is too strong a word. She really just shortened the wedding dress and adding a cool pattern of stitching to it. And I love the stitching but I can only see it in close-ups. I think it's a cute dress but it doesn't feel transformed to me.

Logan made another horrible, unflattering pant. He paired the pant with a horrible, unflattering top. And while both pieces were horrible and unflattering, they somehow still didn't go together. I think if he had made a jacket instead of that weird vest, the look might have worked.

Carol Hannah made a very cute dress with bands of fringe made from the tulle skirt. I don't know why she added that strange little black shrug. But I really like the dress.

Althea made a really bizarre garment that looked like a dark blue bra worn over a light blue dress. The accentuated bust line paired with a belt at the natural waist, chopped up the body. There was too much going on with this look.

Nicolas made an outfit with a pant, vest, and cap-sleeved jacket. I think it's a pretty good look.

Nicolas: "I hate this outfit. But you can't make beautiful gowns and cocktail dresses all the time."

Or, in your case, ever.

Gordana made a gorgeous dress from the lining of the wedding dress. This dress is perfect. It's very flattering and it's exactly what her divorcee wanted.

Christopher screwed up. I appreciate what he was going for. His sketch was adorable. And the finished dress looks like the sketch. But the finished dress is definitely not adorable. Part of the problem is the fabrication. It's too cheap and shiny. The other problems are that the dress is too short and it is not age-appropriate. A woman in her twenties might be able to pull off this dress. But theoretically, this was not a terrible idea and I don't think it is an aufable offense.

Epperson just did not get this challenge. And he made a dress that couldn't be worn anywhere. It was too dressy to wear during the day and too dated to wear at night. The skirt was way to full. He seems to just have added a black and white corset thing to the shortened wedding dress. And what was with the completely redundant shrug? The outfit didn't look any different when it was removed.

Gordana wins! She totally deserved it!

Heidi: "You did a good job . . . this time."

Wow, Heidi, that was subtle. We get it. You think she sucks.

Epperson explains that he didn't understand the challenge:

Heidi: "I thought I was perfectly clear when I explained the challenge."

Oh, Heidi, you've never been perfectly clear when you've explained a challenge.

Logan and Epperson are the bottom two.

Epperson is out. Sorry Epperson. Epperson created some great looks but I agree with the judges that he had the weakest look this time.

Major model drama again this week! Spoilers for Models of the Runway below so don't read on if you haven't seen this week's episode yet.

Because of the model shake-up last time, Gordana ended up with Matar and Althea ended up with Gordana's favorite model, Tara. But they didn't actually work with their new models yet because the divorcees were modeling this week. Gordana was able to pick models first because she won this challenge so she could have had Tara back. But for some reason she thought Althea wanted to have the chance to work with Tara. So Gordana decided that the best thing to do would be to stick with the last model pick because the models didn't get to participate in the last challenge. So she stayed with Matar. Makes sense, right? The only problem is that Althea didn't want to stay with Tara. She wanted to go back to Tanisha. And nobody picked Tara so Tara is out! Gordana had first pick and her favorite model is out! What a tragedy! Tara thought Gordana had said "I think I'm going to pick you" but we can't actually hear her so she may have said "Althea is going to pick you." Anyway, Tara is angry because she thinks Gordana lied to her and Gordana is crying because she's responsible for her favorite model being out and Althea, who probably caused the whole mess, is claiming she doesn't know what's going on.

Well, at least Celine always knows what to say to make everyone feel better:

Celine: "I'm a good farter."

Project Runway Season Six, Episode Seven: Pumpkin Pie in the Sky!

OK, why was this episode called "The Sky is the Limit"? Because someone mentioned parachute fabric? Because the judges are always high? I'm going with a pie in the sky reference because some model trainer calls all the models "Pumpkin Pie" so he can tell them apart. I know it's a stretch.

Last week Fatma was out! I'd like to pause for a moment of prayer:

Dear Gott in Himmel, please let Vanessa get an Arby's commercial so Fatma can come back. Amen.

Back at the hotel, Gordana is comparing the designers to Olympic athletes:

Gordana: "So you know how some of the athletes are taking steroids or are genetically men? Yeah, it's just like that."

The few remaining guys start the He-Man Woman Haters Club and the first order of business is to eliminate Shirin. Second order of business: Logan: is he or isn't he?

Heidi makes her weekly pointless announcement:

Heidi: "Hello designers. I can't tell you anything about the next challenge. Go ask your father."

Tim introduces some Macy's lady:

Tim: "I'm pleased to introduce some Macy's lady."

Macy's Lady: "Your challenge is all about color. And at Macy's you can buy clothes in any color you want as long as it's blue. The great thing about blue is that it comes in many shades, which makes it different from other colors that only come in one shade. You'll be designing for the INC brand so make sure your designs are appropriate."

Tim: "Wow, it's going to be challenging to design something that boring but I have faith in all of you. The winner will have his or her design sold at Macy's."

Christopher: "My dream is to walk down the street and point at a girl and say 'I made that.'"

Well, I think that's a very misogynistic way to refer to your sexual conquests.

Christopher: "I'm talking about the dress she would be wearing."

Oh. That makes a lot more sense.

They make their design pitches to the Macy's lady:

Althea: "I wanted to do a high-waisted denim look that would be appropriate for the office or for attending a monster truck rally."

Carol Hannah: "I wanted to make a dress that would fit into a woman's existing wardrobe. So I made it really flat so it wouldn't take up much space in the closet."

Logan: "I'm doing a sweater dress."

Shirin: "Yeah, what he said."

Epperson: "I noticed that the INC label had a significant lack of ruffled capes."

Nicolas: "I have one word for you: Vest! I can tell you're speechless."

Christopher: "A day to evening shirt dress."

Louise: "Dresses plastered with flowers and other crap."

Gordana: "First, I just have to say that I'm a huge fan of boring clothes."

Irina: "My first look will be a patchwork skirt and then for the second look I thought I would make something that a woman would actually wear."

It's a team challenge. The team leaders are Irina, Althea, Carol Hannah, Christopher, and Louise, which is not a good start for the He-Man Woman Haters Club. The team leaders pick their teammates:

Irina picks Gordana

Althea picks Logan

Carol Hannah picks Shirin

Christopher picks Epperson

Louise picks Nicolas

The teams have twenty minutes and $100 at mood. In a Project Runway first, Louise almost loses her money:

Tim: "It was so dramatic! Louise couldn't find the envelope with the money and then she looked around and then she finally found it! There's always some new zaniness going on with this show! This was almost as exciting as that time one of the designers lost a Barbie hat."

The teams are showing signs of stress:

Shirin: "We're making a sweater dress. That's not something I would ever make. Even though that's actually one of the ideas I pitched a few minutes ago."

Irina: "I'm just going to pretend that Gordana doesn't exist."

Nicolas: "Ruffles are so tacky! Can't we just cover everything in feathers?"

Epperson: "Christopher is such a genius. He's not like Qristyl at all. I am so psyched to be working with him!"

Christopher: "Oh, stop! Epperson is the genius! He suggested putting pockets on the shirt dress and that just rocked my world!"

Tim: "Oh, for god's sake! Would you two get a room?"

Michael Kors is back this week! Joining him will be someone new from Marie Claire and the Macy's lady.

Heidi: "One . . . OR MORE of you will be out. I'm seriously considering eliminating all of you. So watch your step, Pumpkin Pie!"

Irina and Gordana created a full dress with an empire waist and a skirt and blouse outfit. Both looks are perfectly boring enough to sell at Macy's.

Althea and Logan created a cute little suit with a skirt that was way too short and a second horrible look with weird blouse and a poorly-fitted pant that made the model look huge.

Louise and Nicolas created two dresses. One was light with dark fluffy trim and the other was dark with light ruffle trim. The first dress looked like a feather boa was stapled to the front. It was truly awful. The second look was better than the first, but that's not saying much.

Carol Hannah and Shirin created two more looks that were boring enough for the assignment. The first look was a high-waisted skirt with a blue top and the second was an unflattering garment that they are apparently calling a sweater dress, which they paired with black leggings.

Christopher and Epperson created a decent shirt dress and a second greenish bubble dress with a strange bib that was really bad and didn't have anything to do with the first look.

Irina and Gordana and Carol Hannah and Shirin were the top two teams.

Irina is the winner for her big striped dress. I guess it wasn't any worse than anything else on the runway this week. Congratulations, Irina.

Louise and Nicolas and Christopher and Epperson are the bottom two teams.

The judges hate Louise's ruffles. Heidi tells Nicolas that he is lucky he has immunity.

The judges hate both of Christopher's dresses. I hate the bubble dress with the bib but I'm surprised they hate the shirt dress so much. It wasn't great but it wasn't that bad.

Christopher and Louise are the bottom two and Heidi is as harsh as I've ever heard her:

Heidi: "Christopher, your dresses looked like they were designed by a blind crack whore. And Louise, your dresses made us all want to commit suicide."

Louise is out. Sorry Louise. You picked the wrong week to go tacky.

Tune in next week when Gordana auditions for the Blue Man Group.

Project Runway Season Six, Episode Six: Costume Drama!

Last week Johnny was out and Tim was perturbed:

Tim: "I'm sorry I was so terse. I guess I just picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue."

This week we start the day with the designers saying variations of "I'm sorry Johnny is gone except for the fact that I'm so glad he's gone."

Heidi tells the designers it's time to get out of the design room:

Heidi: "We've done the beach and Hollywood Blvd. and other field trips but you're still looking a little pale and sickly. So this week we are going to the filmmaking capital of the world: Canada!"

The designers meet Tim and Collier Strong in Canada and learn they have to create a look inspired by a movie genre.

Tim: "Let me be completely clear: I do not understand this challenge. Maybe you are supposed to make a runway look that is inspired by a film character or maybe you are supposed to make a garment that could actually by used as a costume in a movie. Who knows?"

The designers get completely unnecessary dossiers explaining what their genres are:

Period Piece: a film set in a specific period

Action/Adventure: a film with some element of action or adventure

Science Fiction: a film with ice queens and/or lizard people

Tim: "The only piece of instruction I have for you is that your character has to be an assassin."

Shirin is going with Western Prostitute Assassin.

Carol Hannah is going with Sexy Assassin.

Logan is going with Military Assassin.

Carol Hannah: "Ooh, Logan, that is such a good idea! Maybe we could discuss it further over drinks?"

Tim: "OK, that's it! Logan, I'm going to have to ask you to work in a separate room because nobody can get anything done with you around. You're just too hot!"

Ra'mon is going with Star Trek Assassin.

Nicolas is going with Fairy Assassin.

Epperson figures out that Westerns can be set in the 19th century and, therefore, can also be period pieces, which is what he wanted to do in the first place. He's going with Tough Frontier War-Bride Assassin. So it's a cross between Cold Mountain and Brokeback Mountain but with more assassins and fewer gay shepherds.

Gordana decides her period will be the 1920s because that's the period when women first started getting more emaciated.

Gordana: "I said emancipated!"

whatever

Louise doesn't know what kind of assassin she's designing for:

Nicolas: "What?! I never start designing a garment without knowing what kind of assassin I'm making it for!"

Christopher is going with Victorian Vampire Bride Assassin.

Tim: "Christopher, a real Victorian vampire bride assassin would never have bare arms. You know what would be totally Victorian? A halter top!"

In a failed attempt to increase the drama, the produces steal all the scissors and bobbins from the design room.

The judges are John Varvatos, Zoe Glassner and a costume designer named Arianne Phillips.

Irina had "film noir" and she made a slinky black dress with gold inserts and a white cape. Boring.

Carol Hannah had "action/adventure" and she made a black pleather bustier with a long coat and weird straps hanging off of the thighs. Kind of dramatic but not great.

Shirin had "Western" and she made something that looked to me like a Halloween costume.

Christopher had "period piece" and he made a beautiful dress in his usual style. The skirt was certainly inspired by the 1860s but pairing it with the halter top was a modern touch that I really liked.

Nicolas had "science fiction" and he made a dress that looked like a wedding cake. It wasn't that bad considering he only had one day to make it. But that's the best thing I can say about it.

Althea had "film noir" and she made a really basic and boring black skirt and white top.

Ra'mon had "science fiction" and he made his usual basic dress with crap glued on to it. It was straight out of last season's drag queen challenge. He would have been better off with his first idea.

Louise had "film noir" so she made a flapper dress. Obviously. The dress was actually pretty cute but her concept was a big mess.

Epperson had "Western" and he made a big ruffly denim dress with a gun holster. I loved it!

Gordana had "period piece" and she made a pretty gold dress. I agree with the judges that it was a little boring but, once again, I don't think it was the most boring and I'm left wondering why the judges always pick on her.

Logan had "action/adventure" and he made a black pleather catsuit with pink gashes that make me want to barf.

The judges use the "D" word for Gordana:

Judges: "Dressmaker!"

ouch

The judges inexplicably love the ice queen dress Nicolas made. They think it will look expensive and beautiful on camera. Well, I have news for them: I'm watching it on camera and it looks cheap and silly.

They also love Christopher's and Epperson's.

The judges don't like Louise's dress:

Louise: "I created a look for a character who is a 21st-century woman who has to go to a costume party in the 1940s and she dresses like a woman from the 1920s who is really ahead of her time."

Zoe Glassner: "Uh-huh uh-huh. I completely get your story and I completely hate this dress."

They don't like Ra'mon's hot green mess:

Ra'mon: "I'll be honest, my first dress was totally Dior but then it was ruined in a steamer accident and I had to start over."

Heidi: "Ra'mon, what planet is this woman from? Uranus? I just made a joke!"

Nicolas wins. Seriously.

Ra'mon is out. Sorry, Ra'mon.

Spoiler Alert! Don't read the following if you have not seen this week's Models of the Runway!

Most of this episode is filled with a whole lot of nothing. The models talk a bit:

Models: "Blah, blah, blah."

AND THEN!

Heidi tells the designers they all have to switch models this time! Why The Face (WTF)!

Vanessa, who definitely would have been going home, is miraculously saved! Her guardian angel, Julia Roberts, was obviously looking after her.

Somehow, nobody picks Fatma and she ends up as one of the last two models on the runway, with Louise making the final selection. And since Louise has to pick a new model, Fatma, the best most insane model since Morgan in season one, is out by default.

I just have one thing to say:

NOOOOOOOO!!!!

Project Runway Season Six, Episode Five: Black and White and read almost nowhere!

The remaining designers start their morning by making completely unnecessary statements:

Carol Hannah: "I just realized one of us will go home this week."

Shirin: "I predict that we will have to make an article of clothing."

Gordana: "I think you are right. And I bet there will be a twist."

Of course, it's better than the pure delusion going on in the other girls' apartment:

Johnny: "As god is my witness, I will never be in the bottom three again!"

really?

Johnny: "Well, maybe just once more. But that's it!"

The designers go to the printing plant of the Los Angeles Times:

Tim: "I'm pleased to introduce Booth Moore. Although Booth looks like she shops at JCPenney, I assure you she is actually the highly-esteemed fashion critic for the Los Angeles Times."

okay

Tim: "The Times is read by dozens of people every week and we have piles of unread newspapers here behind us to prove it. Each pile is a separate section of the paper and each section is made up of at least two pages, most of which are filled with paid announcements that real estate developer Donald T. Sterling is winning another humanitarian award."

I can't tell you how sick I am of Donald T. Sterling. So, what's the challenge?

Tim: "Your challenge this week will be to find some actual news in the Los Angeles Times!"

Oh, come on! Make the challenges difficult but not impossible!

Christopher: "Oh, look! I found some news! No, wait; I read about that yesterday on Yahoo."

Louise: "I found the weather report in the business section! According to this, it's going to be seventy-four degrees and sunny here in Los Angeles every day for eternity."

Johnny: "The comics are pretty funny!"

Yes they are, Johnny. Yes, they are.

Epperson: "Hey, did you know that Donald T. Sterling is winning another award? It's the Donald T. Sterling Award for the person who has awarded himself the most awards. And it's mentioned on every page of the newspaper. It must be very important news."

The designers start working and Tim checks in on them:

Johnny is making an amazing dress that looks like Christian Dior came back to life and revolutionized the fashion world with a dress made out of newspaper. It's so good that the other designers are speechless. Tim goes berserk:

Tim: "Johnny, this dress is just too good! It is so amazing that once people see it they will never want to buy another dress for the rest of their lives. You will singlehandedly destroy the fashion industry. I, for one, refuse to let that happen."

Tim attacks the dress with a steamer until it melts, while the torch-wielding townspeople chant "Death to Johnny's dress!"

On to the runway:

Remember Michael and Nina? Yeah, neither do I. They are gone again this week and it looks like Nina won't be here next week, either. Filling in this week are Tommy Hilfiger and Zoe Glassner again. And the fashion critic for the Los Angeles Times was not good enough so the guest judge is Eva Longoria-Don't-Forget-I'm-Married-Damn-It-Parker.

Logan made a pretty dress. It was very simple but the pattern was nice and I like it.

Nicolas made a bad dress. I don't know how he thought he could be in the top three.

Christopher made another dress with a dramatic full skirt. I don't think that silhouette is very creative but it definitely worked for this challenge. The skirt looked fluffy and moved beautifully and this was a contender for the win.

Ra'mon made a two-piece look with a really pretty pattern. It was decent but definitely the middle of the pack.

Epperson kind of blew it. I liked the kimono-inspired sleeves but the dress was just too stiff and the choice of newsprint was not good.

Johnny made the most beautiful dress ever! But that's not the dress he sent down the runway, of course, because Tim ruined that one.

Gordana made a very cute dress that in no way deserved to be in the bottom three.

Carol Hannah made a dramatic gown that looked like it was made out of crepe paper instead of newspaper. She didn't take advantage of the newsprint, which I think was a mistake.

Shirin made a dress that might have been cute if it didn't look like an imitation of dresses we've already seen. (I realize this was filmed a long time ago but wouldn't she have at least seen Leanne's clothes?)

Irina made an adorable trench coat with imitation faux-fur collar and cuffs. I love the pockets. Very cute!

Althea created an amazing pattern on her dress using the newsprint. I was not crazy about the shape or the fit but the pattern was beautiful enough to get her into the top three.

Louise made a dress that was not very successful, in my opinion. And the styling made Fatma look like Mini Mouse. How this was better than Gordana's dress is beyond me.

The top three are Althea, Irina, and Christopher.

All the judges love Irina's coat. We think:

Tommy Hilfiger: "It's like a bunch a famous designers met at a bar in the 1970s."

Irina: "Thank you! Wait ... what?"

Irina wins! Congratulations, Irina!

The bottom three are Gordana, Nicolas, and Johnny.

Gordana is called out because her dress is wearable:

Heidi: "Don't you remember when we specifically told you to make something unwearable?"

No, I guess we missed that part. Look, I'm totally with the judges most weeks in picking interesting over wearable. But this week there were other safe looks that were just as boring as Gordana's but apparently they were safe because they were both boring AND unwearable.

The judges question Johnny:

Heidi: "Johnny, what the hell is up with this piece of crap?"

Johnny explains how amazing his first dress was:

Johnny: "I'm not making excuses but my completely imaginary first dress was so beautiful you would have died."

Tommy Hilfiger: "So there was a better dress but then you showed us this instead? Well, in that case you should win!"

Johnny: "Thank you!"

Tommy Hilfiger: "I was being sarcastic. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that you are a recovering meth addict."

Eva Longoria-Look-At-My-Wedding-Ring-Parker: "Tommy would know a meth addict when he sees one."

Johnny is out. Tim gives his coldest goodbye ever:

Tim: "Johnny, your spectacular talent is a threat to humanity. Please leave."

In model news, Emarie is out, which causes Ebony to have a freaking breakdown. Seriously, you would think Emarie had died. Like she's going to that great Arby's commercial in the sky.

The models claim that they put on these paper dresses and weren't allowed to sit, eat, pee, or breathe for about eight hours, which seems unlikely.

Heidi tells the models a totally random story about wearing a snake:

Heidi: "It was nicht sehr schön."

Heidi, some of these girls think Mexico is "overseas." They don't know what you are talking about.

Fatma is making completely reasonable comments about how weird Americans are, which of course bothers the easily bothered Vanessa:

Vanessa: "If Fatma likes Africa so much, why doesn't she move there?"

Next week the designers will have to choose different models! Drama!

Well, that was an exciting episode! I've never seen Tim so annoyed:

Tim: "I am positively perplexed by that preposterous peddling of pablum."

You said it, Tim.

Tim: "Also, I am truly troubled by these terribly tortured tales of tribulation."

OK, that's enough.

Project Runway Season Six, Episode Four: Leave the Designing to the Professionals!

Last week Ra'mon won and Mitchell went home:

Mitchell: "I'm going home with a smile on my face."

But you're not smiling.

Mitchell: "Yes, I am. See? I'm smiling."

No, you still aren't smiling.

Mitchell: "Are you sure? I feel like I'm smiling."

Maybe you're smiling on the inside.

Mitchell: "No. I'm pretty sure I'm crying on the inside."

In model news, Fatma has an announcement:

Fatma: "Now the designers realize this is about more than just money. It's about loyalty."

Exactly! That's what this show is all about! it's not about clothes or exciting challenges or teamwork or any of that; it's all about model loyalty.

Meanwhile, back on earth, we start this week with Logan completely absent:

Logan: "I had my shirt on so the camera crew told me I couldn't be in the shot."

Well, I hope you've learned a valuable lesson.

This week the designers will be working for 13 women. Who are these mystery women? Could they be homeless Eskimos?

So close. But no, it's just their models. The designers are very relieved. They shouldn't be. As we learned in season one, most models have the design sense of a crack whore. Well, there's always a chance these models are better. Still, I'd rather design for a homeless Eskimo.

They will be designing an eye-catching look for the models to wear to an industry event. The designers take this to mean cocktail wear.

Johnny thinks designing for his model will be easy:

Johnny: "I'll just design the dress that I would wear if I were black and slightly less effeminate."

Epperson's model is very demanding:

Model: "I want a sexy conservative floor-length mini-skirt that is loose but very tight."

And Shirin's model is just plain insane:

Model: "I want a low V-neck in the back and I want a cocktail dress that makes me look like a superhero in drag."

Christopher is making an awful drop-waisted cocktail dress in puke green satin.

Qristyl is making something that looks . . . what's the word?

Tim: "Pardon my French, but it looks messy. It kills me to use that word, Qristyl, but it's the truth."

Logan is making a Smurf prom dress with black lace over teal satin.

Tim: "Don't ever say 'Smurf prom dress' in my presence!"

sorry

Carol Hannah is robbing youth from her model. And giving it to the elderly. She's like the Robin Hood of youth.

Tim leaves the design room:

Tim: "I'm sending in your models. Have fun. Don't do anything I wouldn't do. But if you do, make sure to give me all the juicy details."

Epperson decides this would be the perfect time to break down sobbing so he calls and talks to his children.

It's the day of the runway show and Logan is not going to make the same mistake twice. As Johnny grabs some popcorn and watches the show, Logan does some shirtless modeling to get some camera time:

The camera lingers lovingly on his glistening torso, panning slowly from his perfectly-toned chest, hesitating ever so slightly at his tiny waist, and finally coming to rest on his metallic jeans that are so tight it looks like his ass has been bronzed, which, by the way, it should be.

Logan: "I'm hoping these jeans will distract the judges."

I'm sorry. Distract them from what?

Logan: "My awful dress."

Right! Dresses! That's why we're here! I knew that!

On to the runway:

Heidi: "Hello designers. None of our judges bothered showing up this week. Instead we have Marc Bouwer, Zoe Glassner, and our guest judge Jennifer Rade."

Qristyl made a black dress that couldn't have been less eye-catching if she had tried.

Nicolas made a white satin sheath with grey trim and a high neck. It's nice but I don't like the fit at the bust.

Irina made a dress in a beautiful print and paired it with a black jacket. Love that fabric!

Gordana made a short tan dress with long sleeves and a braided panel down the front. Adorable!

Shirin made a blue dress. It's oppressively boring.

Logan made a . . . sorry, I was completely distracted by his pants. What were we talking about?

Christopher made . . . wow, Logan's pants are so shiny . . .

Epperson made another brown/black dress with strips of fabric sewn on to it. It's very nice but does he do anything else?

Johnny dressed his model as an eggplant.

Althea's model has really bouncy breasts. I don't know what she was wearing.

Louise made a little black dress with a huge ruffled collar. Fatma is completely insane but she's one hell of a model. She really looked like she loved that dress. We find out later during the model show that the dress had much more detail than we saw on the runway.

Ra'mon made an awful blue dress with a huge blue flower pasted on the front. Talk about Smurf prom dresses.

Tim: "I told you NOT to talk about Smurf prom dresses!"

sorry

Carol Hannah made a black skirt with a purple asymmetrical top. I don't love it.

Logan is at the bottom:

Guest Judge: "Logan, I think I speak for everyone when I say that you have an amazing ass. We were all distracted by your silver pants but, unfortunately, not enough to miss the fact that your outfit looks like a Smurf prom dress."

Tim: "Stop saying that!"

Johnny is also at the bottom:

Guest Judge: "Johnny, we wish we had been distracted by your pants so we wouldn't have had to look at your dress."

Qristyl is the third designer at the bottom this week. Qristyl's dress ages her model, Valerie, who is already very old in dog years. Valerie likes the dress.

Guest Judge: "Well, that's why Valerie is not a designer. Thank god."

Wow, this guest judge is a total bitch! I hope they ask her back!

The top three are Althea, Carol Hanna, and Epperson.

Althea wins! Congratulations, Althea! Personally, I didn't love the execution of this outfit but the concept was good.

Qristyl is out. Sorry Qristyl. I'm sorry to see her go but she had several weeks to bring it and it just wasn't brought.

Moments before/Meanwhile/Later at the industry event:

We learn that the models all feel responsible for the outcomes of this challenge. Which is probably because it was entirely their fault.

Heidi shows up at the models' apartment, claims to have decorated the place, and searches the refrigerator:

Heidi: "Do you have any wiener schnitzel? I could really go for some wiener schnitzel."

Valerie and Kojii, the bottom two models, don't wear their designers' dresses to the party. I don't think either of those dresses was bad enough to not wear to a model party. Qristyl's dress was boring but perfectly fine and Logan's dress was a bit much but not nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be. In fact, I thought Logan's dress was almost cute and certainly less embarrassing than some of the other dresses (I'm looking at you, Christopher, Shirin, and Ra'mon). But, of course, I was distracted by his pants so my judgement could be impaired.

Johnny's model, however, decides to wear his dress and styles it with a big belt and makes it look approximately a million times better.

Valerie gets booked at the party but, unfortunately, she's out again. She was the glue that held that place together. It will only be a matter of days before the models' apartment devolves into total anarchy and they resort to cannibalism.

Project Runway Season Six, Episode Three: Life's a Beach (and then you have to make an avant garde look)!

Last week Malvin was out and Shirin won. And Mitchell, we're just not buying it. Darling.

In model news, Valerie was out but now she's back, the models all love Mitchell all of a sudden, and Fatma threatened to punch Vanessa in the face:

Fatma: "It's just a figure of speech. Gee, some people are so sensitive."

Exactly! It's perfectly normal to say you're going to punch someone in the face. It isn't meant literally. It's just like when people say "get out of here" when they mean "you're kidding" or when they say "I want to hit Daniel Franco in the nuts" when they find something annoying. It's just an expression.

We start the episode with Logan wearing a shirt. What's up with that? Well, don't worry; we'll get a shot of him with his shirt off later in the episode. It will be brief but it will fulfill the federally-mandated weekly minimum requirement of hot shirtless designers.

The designers meet Heidi at the runway, obviously for model selection but we don't get to see any of that. Heidi tells them it's time for another field trip. Something to do with Southern California. She gives us a hint:

Heidi: "Don't forget your crack pipes!"

Ooh, they must be going to the beach!

Sure enough, they take a helicopter ride over the Santa Monica pier and meet Tim, who is wearing a thong with a blazer:

Tim: "Just feel that breeze!"

After Christopher tells us that he's never seen the sun before because he's from Minnesota, Tim explains that beachwear was invented in Southern California and now, thanks to Starbucks and the Internet, you can find people in beachwear all over the world.

Tim: "Now, looking like a bum isn't just for the homeless!"

OK, so Tim also delivers the news that the designers will be working in teams. The designers proceed to completely lose their shit:

Designers: "OH, MY GOD, WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!"

Shirin picks Carol Hannah

Logan picks Christopher

Nicolas picks Gordana

Mitchell picks Ra'mon

Althea picks Louise

Qristyl picks Epperson

Johnny gets Irina

They're all screwed.

They talk to some surfer girls:

Surfer Girl: "So, like, I went to the Galleria? And I was all, oh, my god, like, I am so sure, like, gag me with a spoon?"

Oh, wait. That was a Valley girl. My mistake. Let's try that again:

Surfer Girl: "So, like, I went to Southcoast Plaza? And I was all, oh, my god, like, I am so sure, like, gag me with a spoon?"

That's better. Anyway, the designers learn absolutely nothing from the surfer girls, other than the fact that people sometimes wear bathing suits to the beach and they like to be comfortable. Like, duh.

The designers only have fifteen minutes to shop at Mood:

Qristyl: "AAAHHHHH!!!!!"

Nicolas is making an hombre out of macrame:

Nicolas: "Can you say that a million times?"

No. Why would anyone even say that once?

I can't figure out what the problem is with Qristyl and Epperson. Obviously, they don't work well together but it's hard to tell why:

Epperson: "We need to make sure the pattern is going the same way."

Qristyl: "Maybe you're used to talking to other women like that but it's not going to work with me!"

Epperson: "Hey! You leave my mother out of this!"

Seriously, what are they arguing about? It does seem a little bit like Epperson is bossing Qristyl around. However, it also seems like she snaps at him every time he says anything. So it's hard to tell. But, since we haven't seen Epperson interact with anybody else on the show and Qristyl seems to get along with everyone, I'm going to go ahead and say it's all Epperson's fault.

Tim delivers a message from Heidi:

Tim: "I had nothing to do with this. In addition to your beach-bum look, you will also need to create an avant garde look, which we all know doesn't actually mean anything. Good luck."

This challenge makes no sense to me. And the designers all think "avant garde" means "ridiculous." But the important thing is that Garnier will be doing the hair.

Major model drama! Carol Hanna's model, Erika, had a terrible waxing accident and will not be able to wear a swimsuit! So Malvin's eliminated model, Valerie, comes back to take her place.

On to the runway. Michael Kors is still out being dry cleaned so he is being replaced this week by Max Azria. Also, the guest judge this week is some woman. Really, I don't have the strength to figure out who she is.

Qristyl and Epperson's beach look is fine but I really don't know where you would wear it. The avant garde look is a big piece of crap. It consisted of a kinda cute one-piece bathing suit with bright green fabric just barfed up all over it for no reason.

Johnny and Irina's beach look is really cute. The macrame detail is possibly a little too subtle but it's a great look. The avant garde look is OK. The big weaving detail picks up nicely from the macrame of the other piece.

Mitchell and Ra'mon's beach look is really uninspired. It's very pretty flowing fabric. Big deal. The avant garde look is nice. I don't love it as much as the judges do. I agree that it's wearable but I don't know what's so avant garde about it.

Shirin and Carol Hannah's beach look was a bathing suit with a wrap. It was fine. Their avant garde look was just an over-the-top evening gown. They may have worked well together but the results were not great.

Althea and Louise's beach look was pretty adorable. Their avant garde look was, again, not very avant garde but it was good. They could have been at the top.

Nicolas and Gordana's beach look was fantastic. The macrame top was beautiful and the wrap pant was very cool, though it might have worked better as shorts. Nicolas could have won with this look. Unfortunately, he also designed another look. Jesus H. Christ. Gordana should have brought down the iron curtain on his ass and stopped that look from happening.

Logan and Christopher were fine. The beach look was a little boring and the avant garde look was only interesting because it was huge. Both looks were well executed but they didn't excite me.

Johnny and Irina and Mitchell and Ra'mon are the top two teams:

Mitchell: "Ra'mon did most of it."

Ra'mon: "I can't believe he said that after I did most of the work."

Jeez, Ra'mon, Mitchell just admitted that you did most of the work. Why rub it in?

Ra'mon: "Well, I just want to make it perfectly clear that Mitchell did absolutely nothing."

Yeah, we get it! But Mitchell isn't arguing with you so let it go.

Gordana, on the other hand, is a great teammate:

Gordana: "Yes, that avant garde look is hideous but you have to give Nicolas credit for that amazing organza collar."

If the model had been buried alive in organza it wouldn't have saved that look. But it was very nice of her to say.

Ra'mon wins! Congratulations, Ra'mon! He did a good job, though he could have been a little more gracious to his useless teammate.

We have a Project Runway first:

Heidi: "For the first time in Project Runway history, we will be using a sports metaphor! Three strikes and you're out, Mitchell!"

Mitchell: "Are you sure that's the first time?"

Heidi: "No."

As Mitchell gives Qristyl a hug, the guest judge whispers something:

Max Azria: "That Mitchell is pure evil."

Project Runway, Season Six, Episode Two: Are you awake?

Tim: "Did you notice something different about this episode, Heidi?"

Heidi: "Yes, but I can't put my finger on it."

Tim: "Let me help. This episode really stood out for me because absolutely nothing interesting happened."

Heidi: "Ah, yes. That's it."

Don't get me wrong. I thought the challenge this week was great and I thought the clothes were much better than in the first episode. But I'm having trouble writing about it because it feels like nothing happened. The thing is, there actually was quite a bit of drama going on. We just didn't see it. They saved that for the Models of the Runway show. I do like the Rashomon effect of that show. Since it is really just the same show shot from a different angle, I'm just going to include some of it at the end of my recap.

Previously on Project Runway, Christopher won and Ari learned a very important lesson about how to be a total freak in a more responsible way.

We start with shots of the designers in their pointlessly unisex apartments. Apparently, Logan will be this season's shirtless designer. I'm fine with that. Malvin will spend his remaining time hiding behind window treatments asking passersby for apples. I could live without that.

We learn that Mitchell is rekindling his dream. Apparently, after his formal education in smocking techniques (and possibly making bustles), he took some time off from fashion. So while the other designers are still kindling their dreams, he is rekindling his.

The designers meet this week's guest judge. They will be designing for her. It's Alexis Meade, the transsexual heir to the Meade Publishing empire, just back from France, where she was somehow impregnated with twins! It's a miracle! It's just like that time there was the pregnant man, remember? Except then it turned out it was a man who had a uterus so it really wasn't as amazing as they tried to make it sound. Anyway, Alexis is back and she is carrying twins from fertilized eggs that she stole from Wilhelmina Slater! What could this mean to Meade Publishing? Does anyone care?

Alexis wants some chic pregnancy looks that really show off her new curves. The designers head back to the design room and attach pregnancy pillows to the dress forms. Ra'mon, who was pre-med, gives us his professional medical opinion:

Ra'mon: "I would estimate that she is in her early second semester and she is probably dilated to about two kilometers."

Tim enters the design room and totally screws everything up. He says that Alexis had one main request: that the looks be form-fitting. She did not say that. What she said is that she wanted a beautiful silhouette and she wanted to show off her curves. Obviously, she could have said it off camera but, if that was her main request, why wouldn't she have mentioned it to the designers? Because you can get a beautiful silhouette and you can show off curves without making something form-fitting. I really feel like that comment adversely affected some of the designs. Bad Tim.

Tim: "Oh, she also requested gigantic shoulder pads and she wants her legs to look like chicken drumsticks. And please incorporate fuchsia leopard-print somewhere in your design."

Stop that!

We learn that babies are not Logan's "thing." He is more into cars and being a man's man. We learn that Malvin thinks he understands what the judges want now: women who look like chickens. We learn that Qristyl cannot enter a fabric store without freaking out.

This week Mitchell decides to be the center of attention in the design room by being WAY too dramatic about how stupid his giant granny panties are. We all agree: they're ridiculous. So why not make something better?

Ra'mon realizes that his dress is looking a little weird, probably because some mentor, who shall remain nameless, told him the look had to be form-fitting. Mitchell tells him the dress looks better from really far away, partially blocked by a table. Especially if you don't look directly at the dress. Yeah, it's not so bad then.

On to the runway:

Logan made a cute white jersey top over black leggings. It's not exciting but it's pretty.

Shirin made a dark red dress with beautiful braiding detail under the bust and paired it with a lovely coat.

Nicolas made a tight black and grey dress that did not fit well. It looked stupid but it isn't really his fault because he actually followed the ridiculous instruction to make it form-fitting.

Christopher made a puffy purple top over black leggings. I don't like it.

Mitchell made gathered shorts with a white tank and a cream sweater. It's not a bad look but the shorts look really messy. I would not describe this look as "chic."

Qristyl made a draped salmon silk dress layered over darker fabric and wrapped around the neck. I really like it.

Epperson made a full jacket over a cream silk jumpsuit. Interesting.

Louise made a burgundy nightgown with hand-dyed lace.

Gordana made a long black top with leggings and a sweater. It's a little boring but it's fine.

Johnny made a long black form-fitting dress with white trim. It's pretty but I just think the fit over the baby bump is too tight.

Malvin made something that looks like a Baby Bjorn carrier over a black outfit. It looks terrible. And it's such a shame because his earlier draping attempts in the design room were really pretty. If he hadn't been so caught up in making his stupid "ham and eggs" costume, or whatever he was trying to do, he could have made something very structural and interesting.

Ra'mon's model looks like she has a purple race car sticking out of her stomach. I can't imagine anyone wearing that. But, again, he was just following the "form-fitting" instruction.

Carol Hannah made a cute green dress with a sash draped under the baby bump and a ruffled brown jacket.

Althea made a lovely long navy dress.

Irina made a cute babydoll dress in blue with satin trim. I like the color. The shape is not very exciting.

Louise, Althea, and Shirin are the top three and Shirin wins! Congratulations, Shirin!

Mitchell, Malvin, and Ra'mon are the bottom three and Malvin is out. Sorry, Malvin. I got a glimpse of talent but he needs to spend less time focused on what a genius he is and instead concentrate on designing.

Malvin: "I'm a designer and a philosopher and a person."

See? That's what I'm talking about. Maybe that's one too many things to be.

Malvin: "Fine. I'll drop 'person.'"

OK, so now that the show is over, the drama can finally begin. Apparently, the models are like a Greek chorus commenting on all the action during the show but we don't get to see any of it unless we stay up past our bedtime. Seriously, 11:30 is really late. I'm in a total Lunesta fog by that point in the evening.

The designers seem completely fine with the judging but the models are the design experts and they think the judges are crazy for keeping Mitchell. And we learn that Mitchell is a "model jumper," which is the worst insult in the modeling world. Apparently, he blamed his model for his near loss last week, even though his model saved him by making his non-dress almost look elegant. So he stole Qristyl's model this week, which got everyone's panties in a twist. None of the models want to work with Mitchell. He is pure evil. And he can't sew.

In other news, Logan is being stalked by one of the models.

Next week it looks like teams. I hate teams but maybe it will be a little more exciting than this episode was.

RNC Chairman Michael Steele doesn't know the meaning of the word "nuanced"

Literally, he doesn't know what it means. He thought it was an insult when an interviewer mentioned that his new position on Medicare seemed nuanced. In fairness, "nuanced" doesn't begin to describe his position. "Batshit crazy" might be a little more accurate.

You can link to the Morning Edition interview on NPR here.

In case you didn't understand Steele's arguments for and/or against Medicare, I've outlined his talking points for you:

1) Medicare is a sacred institution and we can't allow the Democrats to mess it up.

2) Medicare is a total mess and we need to fix it.

3) Medicare just is. It isn't bad or good or indifferent. It just exists. Whoo, I just blew my own mind.

4) Medicare is bad.

5) We must protect Medicare from the Democrats.

6) The government needs to fix Medicare.

7) We absolutely can't let the government touch Medicare.

8) Medicare is very popular. So I love it. Even though it is terrible and I hate it.

9) You can see Russia from parts of Alaska.

10) Death panels.

I hope this has helped.

Pride and Prejudice and Project Runway!

It is a truth universally acknowledged that the Weinsteins in possession of a hit show will be in want of a new network.

Welcome to the new season of Project Runway on Lifetime: Television for Women who find the Hallmark Channel too edgy!

Tim Gunn: "Wow, Heidi, look at that view! Nothing but Reba reruns as far as the eye can see!"

Heidi Klum: "How the hell did we get here?"

Tim: "Well, this change is upsetting but I don't think we should be dissuaded from our goals."

Heidi: "I don't know the meaning of the word dissuaded!"

Tim: "That's the spirit!"

Heidi: "No, really. I don't know what that word means."

So we start the story with Tim and Heidi and their sixteen designers, living on the family estate at FIDM in Los Angeles. The PR girls are famed throughout the Southland for their beauty but they possess neither fortune nor connections so Tim and Heidi need to marry them off because Project Runway has been entailed to Andy Cohen, who could kick them all out an any moment:

Tim: "Oh, pray do not speak of that odious little man! I'm sure he is dreaming of the day when he takes possession of this show. What am I to do with all these designers? Heidi, you have no compassion on my nerves!"

Heidi: "I have a high respect for your nerves. They are my old friends. I have heard you mention them with consideration these past five seasons."

Let's meet the PR girls:

Althea is blond and claims to be 24.

Ari has short hair and claims to be from Kansas City.

Carol is trying hard to be "the spacey one."

Christopher is looking a little Jeffryish and has not had formal training.

Epperson has long dreads and adult children.

Gordana is going to kick your potato-eating ass.

Irina has long black hair and makes bags.

Johnny is going to spend the season telling us he was a drug addict.

Logan is a real man's man because he likes cars.

Louise likes vintagy crap.

Malvin has the group's required mohawk and is leading the pack in the race to be this season's most annoying designer.

Mitchell is kind of a walking disaster.

Nicolas is known as the feather queen.

Qristyl does "plus-sexy" clothes. I like her. I hope she stays a while.

Ra'mon could be a great neurosurgeon but he wants to do something more rewarding.

Shirin is completely unmemorable.

Lydia is the youngest and she's basically a big tramp.

Miss Christopher is the heroine of our little story.

Johnny: "Did someone say 'heroine?' I used to be a drug addict."

Heidi: "Yes, we know. I do believe we have 16 of the silliest designers in all the country."

Tim: "Well, we're here at FIDM. Let's get this party started. By the way, Heidi, weren't you pregnant just a few minutes ago?"

Heidi: "Yes. I gave birth during the commercial break. But I'm still not going to drink champagne because I might be pregnant again."

Tim: "My god. Can't you keep it in your pants for five minutes."

Heidi: "I'm not wearing pants."

Tim: "Yes, we can all see that, thank you very much."

The designers get to walk the red carpet at the Nokia Theater in Hollywood:

Malvin: "I don't see carpet color. I think only bigots care about carpet color."

OK, check your watches. We're ten minutes in and I'm already sick of Malvin.

Tim: "We're starting this season with the challenge that usually happens closer to the end and is always a huge disappointment! Instead of giving you some sort of limitation that would demonstrate your creativity, we are giving you complete freedom to create totally boring dresses."

The designers settle into the FIDM design room and Ari informs everyone that her model has big feet:

Tim: "Thanks for sharing that, Ari! Just keep in mind that models always brag about having big feet."

The designers start working. Johnny decides to become the center of attention:

Johnny: "I had an addiction problem so now I can't figure out what to design. I'm going to go sit out in the hall so everyone can come and tell me how great I am and give me encouragement."

Tim: "Johnny, I really want you to succeed and I say this out of love, but you aren't legislating healthcare reform or ending world hunger; you just need to go make a goddamn dress. Stop being such a drama queen."

Let's check in with the other designers:

Carol is creating something awful and is calling everyone "buddy" because she obviously doesn't know anybody's name. I hope she does that all season.

Malvin is finding old and uninteresting ways to annoy us:

Malvin: "I am so amazing and innovative. There are no words to describe my designs."

How about "crappy"?

Christopher and Gordana are bonding over their mutual lack of formal training:

Christopher: "People are using all these fancy terms but I don't think it matters that I don't possess fortune or connections or know how to make a bustle."

Mitchell's model did not fit into his dress because her feet were not as big as she had claimed. So he just hangs a piece of fabric over her and calls it a day.

Let's meet the judges:

Nina Garcia, fashion director of some magazine I haven't heard of!

Lindsay Lohan, former celebrity!

And, of course, Lady Michael De Kors. Oh, such exquisite taste, such condescension! And looking so lifelike this season! Apparently in this economy, even the affluent are having to cut back on essentials like bronzer.

On to the runway. I've included the names of the designers and a brief reaction to their designs:

Althea - blech

Gordana - ugly

Malvin - horrid

Mitchell - inexcusable

Louise - retched

Ra'mon - dull

Shirin - seriously?

Epperson - meh

Irina - oh, please

Ari - vomit-inducing

Johnny - This is why you shouldn't do drugs

Carol - eye-gaugingly bad

Qristyl - godawful

Logan - boring

Nicolas - dreadful

Christopher - cute

Wow, that was the worst bunch of dresses I've seen since Project Runway All-Stars!

Christopher wins. Congratulations, Christopher! No surprise there. His dress wasn't very original but it stood out on the runway for it's distinct quality of not completely sucking.

Qristyl, Mitchell, and Ari, are deservedly the bottom three. Ari is out. Thank goodness. I don't think I could have handled her Blayne-ness for much longer.

Time for a PSA:

Ari: "Take risks responsibly."

What?

Later, at Rosings:

Lady Michael De Kors: "Tell me, Miss Christopher, has your design teacher left you?"

Christopher: "We never had a design teacher."

Lady Michael: "No design teacher! Sixteen designers brought up at home without a design teacher! I never heard of such a thing."

Christopher: "I'm a self-taught designer."

Lady Michael: "Are any of your other designers out, Miss Christopher?"

Christopher: "Yes, ma'am, all."

Lady Michael: "All! What, all sixteen out of the closet? Very odd! Well, I need you to promise me that you will not enter into an agreement with my nephew."

Christopher: "I don't know what you are talking about."

OK, I'm tired. Everyone gets married and is very rich and lives happily ever after. Oh, except for the zombies.