Friday, February 05, 2010

Project Runway Season Seven Episode Four: If your heart is open love will always find its way in!

Jane Seymour: "My grandmother used to tell me that if I became a famous actor, people would buy shitty jewelry based on my scribbles. She was such an inspiration to me."

Last week Ping was out and Mila won in a team challenge that made no sense. In model news, Sophia is out because of allergies. Specifically, the designers were allergic to her toxic personality:

Sophia: "Free at last! Free at last! Thank God almighty, I am free at last!"

I had always assumed the models were there by choice. But, apparently, they are being held captive and their only hope of freedom is to not be chosen by a designer. Jesse rewarded his model's "loyalty" by picking her again, even though she's awful and annoying. And I had originally found the more experienced models like Brandise and Cerri to be really condescending and bitchy, but it turns out they are actually really good and often make insightful comments:

Cerri: "Everyone is always after me Lucky Charms."

That's what I'm talking about.

This week, the designers have to make red dresses for women with heart conditions to wear to a Fashion Week gala in support of heart health. And the dresses have to look like Campbell's soup cans:

Tim: "What was that noise?"

Oh, that's the sound of Andy Warhol turning over in his grave. He's probably annoyed that you are using soup cans in design without any reference to Pop art's commentary on consumer culture:

Andy Warhol: "No, actually, I could just really go for a nice bowl of soup."

Anyway, the Campbell's connection to heart disease is really appropriate. When I think of heart disease I immediately think of how Americans have spent decades consuming cans of sodium-infused corn syrup marketed as a food product. I'm just a little surprised that Campbell's wants to make that connection.

Tim: "Because heart health is such an important issue and the winning design will actually be worn to a gala event, this will be a one-day challenge. We want to make sure the results are crappy ... because this is so important."

The designers work furiously. Jonathan compares it to Chernobyl:

Jonathan: "Remember how Chernobyl made President Reagan knock down the Berlin Wall and then the whole Vanilla Ice thing happened? It's just like that. But louder."

Janeane accidentally dips her dress in a bucket of her own tears:

Janeane: "So typical. I'm such a loser."

Tim gives his final words of advice:

Tim: "Who cares what your client wants? Fashion is all about pleasing the judges! Please borrow from the Bluefly wall capriciously. OK, get out of here! Everyone out of the design room! Ping? Where's Ping?"

On to the runway. Georgina Chapman of Marchesa is the guest judge. If anyone cares.

Jonathan - He made kind of an awful tiered gown. I think the red satin is too dark. It has a very unflattering fit at the bust. For the Campbell's logo, he just included an uninspiring tie at the waist. He's safe.

Emelio - He made a very boring short empire-waist dress. He's safe.

Maya - She made a dress based on the Open Hearts necklace from Kay Jewelers. The judges don't want to like this dress but they like it anyway. I guess I have more willpower than the judges because I managed to not like it.

Anthony - I don't love the vest but the overall look is fine. He's safe.

Amy - She made kind of a boring long chiffon gown. I didn't like the ruffly neckline or the shapelessness of this dress but the judges think it's the bees knees.

Jesus - He made a short, tight, blingy dress. It's another boring silhouette from him. The judges hate it. He's in the bottom two.

Anna - Oof. This dress was not very flattering on her client. The proportions are bad and it looks like a strapless dress has just been tacked onto an almost flesh-colored tank top. The judges think it makes her client's shoulders look even broader. She's in the bottom two.

Jay - He made a very formal strapless gown. It looks fine but it's very generic. I'm sure he could have found something that suited his client a little better. He's safe.

Jesse - He made a cute little outfit with an off-white jacket over a pretty red dress. It would be a nice outfit to wear to church. Not really appropriate for this challenge. The judges don't love it and he's in the bottom three.

Ben - He made a decent long gown slit up to here. The skirt is faced with the Campbell's logo fabric so it shows when she walks. He's safe.

Mila - She made a red dress with giant white stars. It looks like she's advertising Macy's instead of Campbell's. She's in the top three.

Janeane - It's difficult to describe this awful dress. She's safe.

Seth Aaron - He scrapped his Grecian design and went with a dress with a red wrap top and full black skirt. it looked good. He's safe.

Amy wins. Congratulations. Out of all the dresses this week, hers was definitely one of them.

Jesus is out. The judges think his construction skills are good but that you just can't learn to have good taste. I disagree with them on that point. I think you can gain good taste with education and experience. I had horrible taste when I was his age. And now my flawless taste is the envy of all the world!

Mila and Maya introduce us to this week's Lifetime movie. They have so much in common: they both miss their collective dog, they both wear a lot of the same color (black), and they both have bangs:

Tune in to the new Lifetime movie based on the amazing true story of two designers who worked together on a show and discovered that they are actually a mother and the daughter she gave up for adoption years ago!

Oh, my god! I'm crying already!


Cliff O'Neill said...

Seriously, that was one freakin' boring challenge. You'd think that this was last season!

And now, an homage to Lilly Tomlin.

Soup. Fashion. Fashion. Soup.

Anonymous said...

This made me laugh out loud, contrary to the actual episode, so thanks! Great recaps!

kittens not kids said...

this WAS a weirdly boring challenge. I don't know why - it could have been much more interesting. but everyone designed ugly crap, or boring and slightly less ugly crap.

mysterious. i wish seth allen had made some crazy punk andy warhol-ish dress.

at least they didn't have to use actual soupcans, or soupcan labels, as their materials.

Kw said...

I had a tough day with a tough deadline, and just before bed, I read your blog and laughed out loud many times. It really felt good.


lovemesomeuli said...

Can we just have a reboot like on LOST and pretend this ep didn't happen? Seriously.

And thank you for not liking Maya's dress. I thought I was going crazy like all of last season.

And wouldn't you have loved to see what Ping would do with this challenge? Couldn't be any worse than some of the crap on the runway out there. In fact, I'm sure it would have been one of the highlights.

eric3000 said...

Yeah, first dud of the season.

This is what happens when the challenge isn't clear. Were they supposed to make a beautiful red gown or were they supposed to make a soup advertisement. Either one would have been a good challenge. But they needed to pick one.

Oh, well, I'm sure next week will be better. How could it not be?