Saturday, February 02, 2013

Project Runway Season Eleven, Episode Two: Grab Life by the Ball!

Susan Sarandon: "Do you miss being in middle school? Does your idea of a good time include being hit in the face with balls while you try to drink a martini? Do you agree that there are no good ideas left so we might as well try some stupid ones? Then come on down to my new dodgeball social club, where our slogan is 'Grab Life by the Ball!'"

Team captains Benjamin and Daniel 

Look, I like to keep up with the latest trends as much as the next person  -- that's why I've switched to crossbows for the fox hunts at my country estate -- but, seriously, what the hell?

The challenge revolves around a dispute between the corporate team Globo-Design, and the small local design team across the street, Average Joes, which Globo-Design wants to acquire and turn into a parking lot.

Team Globo-Design is Amanda, Kate, Patricia, Joseph, Richard, Daniel, Layana, and Stanley.

Team Globo-Design
The Average Joes are Tu, Samantha, Michelle, Matthew, Cindy, James, and Benjamin.
Average Joes
The Average Joes are not doing well. They lost the challenge last week and unless they can raise $50,000 this week to cover the mortgage on the Brother Sewing Room, the bank will foreclose. They realize the only way to get the money is to compete in the annual dodgeball-uniform-design tournament in Las Vegas.

The Average Joes get help from their coach, Tim Gunn, who gets them in shape by forcing them to run in traffic:

Tim says if you can dodge cars you can dodge balls!
Tim Gunn: "I have to tell you I think you are in trouble. You should make a kilt."

I thought the Average Joes did OK. I liked Michelle's dress and I loved Matthew's kilt.

Susan Sarandon, however, didn't think her male employees would wear the kilt:

Susan Sarandon: "I'm just afraid some of the guys won't go for it."

Nina: "I have an idea, Susan. Why don't you grow a pair? If you tell your employees to wear a kilt, they'll wear a damn kilt! They're lucky to have jobs. What else are they going to do? Go work for your competition, the rhythmic gymnastics social club?"

Exactly. Unfortunately, the judges also didn't like that Matthew put the club's slogan "Grab Life by the Ball" right on the crotch. They thought that was a little tasteless. Meanwhile, this is something they actually sell on the club's website:

oh, yeah, that's classy
So, anyway, most of the collection was crap, but there were a couple of interesting pieces and I actually thought it was better than team Globo-Design. I thought Globo-Design's collection was an ill-fitting, boring mess.

However, there was one great piece and that was Layana's skort with an apron front. It was both practical and cute and she totally deserved to win, even if Daniel helped her drape it.

Globo-Design win the tournament! The average Joes lose again and the Brother Sewing room will be turned into a parking lot.

Benjamin: "No, that's not what's supposed to happen! The underdogs always win! Everyone knows that!"

Well, sorry, but that's not what happened? I just report the facts. I can't make stuff up.

Benjamin: "I think you need to rewrite this, adding more jokes and changing the ending."

I really feel like you are trying to micromanage me here, Benjamin.

Benjamin: "If I could step in and say something. In a team, when you're working, often there is a leader. I've come from a background where I've written a lot of parody blogs, so I have a lot of experience with this and I'm just trying to help. I spent more of my energy checking in on everyone's pieces when I should have focused my energy just on writing your blog for you. I stepped in and filled the gaps and I think because of that I really compromised myself."

I can't tell if you're taking responsibility or blaming everyone else.

Benjamin: "Oh, good, then I said it right."

Anyway, James is out.

Susan Sarandon: "I have to ask this question: You do know there was a movie about ping pong called 'Balls of Fury,' right?"


Lifetime: "Don't forget to watch 'Betty & Coretta,' starring Mary J. Blige and Angela Bassett as the widows of Malcolm X and Martin Luther King, Jr."

Oh, my God, that sounds amazing! I would be so excited to watch that except for one small problem.

Lifetime: "It's on Lifetime?"

It's on Lifetime. Lifetime is pretty much the place where good ideas go to die. No offense.

Lifetime: "None taken. We get that a lot."


lovemesomesean said...

Haha! That movie is one of my favorite guilty pleasures. If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball!

As for my two boys, still digging them and I think they both rocked once again.

Susan Sarandon,if your club has that kind of slogan, you can't really call the use of it over the crotch tasteless. And you were in Rocky Horror.

Cliff O'Neill said...

I can't think of Angela Bassett without thinking of this ...

Sarah Colonna as Angela Bassett as Katherine Jackson.