Friday, March 12, 2010

Project Runway Season Seven, Episode Eight: remember, designers, hair is important!

What the hell just happened? This season was going so well and then we are suddenly in a gruesome head-on collision with product placement. I can accept the ubiquitous sponsor tie-ins, but when the entire challenge becomes an advertisement for hair products, it's not surprising that the actual designing goes out the window.

In model news, Heidi organized a pool party, that was big on "pool" and decidedly lacking in "party." Alexis was finally eliminated, after doing all of our heads in and having inappropriate relationships with trees. And I'm suddenly feeling very protective of Holly because of the douchy way Emilio treated her:

Emelio: "Holly is such a fantastic model, I think other designers should have the opportunity to work with her. That's the kind of generous person I am."


Emelio: "Well, if she hadn't been such an Amazon woman, I would have had enough materials."

So, if she had been a couple of inches shorter you would have been able to make a dress?

Emelio: "Maybe."

What a douche.

Anyway, last week Jay won immunity and Jesse was eliminated. We start the episode with Emilio telling us he needs therapy because he was so traumatized by going to a hardware store. And Mila tells us about the connection between her and Maya:

Mila: "We have such a bond even though I'm twice her age. She's forty, right?"

In one of the boys' apartments, Seth Aaron, Anthony, Ben, and Jay talk about how great it is that the four of them are still together:

Jay: "You guys are the wind beneath my wings. We support each other like Spanx."

One of them will be going home this week. Duh.

The designers go up to the roof of the Atlas apartments to learn about this week's total bullshit challenge:

Tim: "Designers, look at New York City. I won't do the Earth, Wind & Fire joke because I'm pretty sure we've already done this challenge. Whatever. This is Philip Carreon."

Philip Carreon: "Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, Garnier. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, hair-care products. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, natural ingredients. In conclusion, bullshit."

Well, that's what I heard, anyway.

The designers pick their elements and then immediately get to work completely ignoring them:

Ben: "I picked water but I hate water so I'm doing a shark."

Emelio: "I picked earth and my model is a woman of color so I'm going to make a dress that will look good on her and has absolutely nothing to do with the challenge."

Anthony: "I chose fire so I'm going to make a grey dress because my pastor's house burned down."

Seth Aaron: "I have air but I hate the sky so I'm just going to do whatever the hell I want."

Before Tim makes his rounds, the designers have to endure an extended Garnier commercial, with Philip Carreon demonstrating his amazing technique of spraying hairspray at a model's head. What a shear friggin' genius.

Ben calls his husband and talks about how much he misses him. That was a mistake. Now they have to send him home.

On to the runway, with some French guy as the guest judge.

Maya - She made a pretty dress that looks like it's inspired by water. She actually followed the instructions of the challenge. How strange. Anyway, the judges like it but don't think it's original. And the Garnier hair looks like crap.

Jay - He made an outfit with pants and a flowing chiffon top. I guess I get the air inspiration, but the outfit is really kind of ugly. Again, the hair is awful.

Ben - He made a white suit that really wasn't bad. Obviously, it could have fit better, but I liked some of the design details. I didn't get "water" from it, but I could kind of see the shark inspiration.

Anthony - He made a nice gray and black dress. I guess I get the smoke reference. But I wanted to see "fire." Anthony calls his model a Clydesdale. As a compliment.

Mila - She made an outfit with a vest, pant, and top. I see the mineral influence in the vest, representing "earth." But the look is boring. I do like the hair, though.

Jonathan - He made a beautiful little dress. I love the cut and layered fabric. It definitely has an airy quality. I finally see where gritty meets pretty. I'm a little sick of hearing about "pale people" and I don't think matching Cerry's skin tone by putting her in cream and peach is quite the big friggin' deal everyone made it out to be. But I love the dress. and the hair works.

Amy - It's really not that bad. OK, I'm totally joking. It's complete shit, from concept through execution. For the sake of argument, let's say the top had stayed up the way she wanted and the hair looked better. Are you picturing it? Still shit. It's still a black body stocking topped by one of those cones you put on your dog after surgery. I understand she wanted to represent fire by having an explosion of hair, but the garment itself needed to have some fire reference.

Emilio - He made a greenish dress to represent earth. Does he even want to be here?

Seth Aaron - He made a beautifully tailored jacket that had nothing to do with the challenge.

The judges rip Ben a new one:

Heidi: "If you don't know how to make a shark, you shouldn't make a shark. This looks like the first shark you've ever made."

They go easier on Amy, even though hers is clearly a million times worse:

Michael: "It looks like a barmaid serving her chest hair to a cat in a sling."

Nina: "I think I'm gonna puke."

Jonathan wins! Congratulations, Jonathan!

Jonathan: "Go, pale people!"

Oh, shut up.

Ben is out. Whatever.

Ben: "Gee, you're grumpy this week."

Sorry. I just really hate Garnier. They know why.


Peter said...

Just stumbled upon your blog while reading the comments on one of TLo's posts. Very witty and totally enjoyable. :-) Cheers.

eric3000 said...

Thanks, Peter! Welcome to my blog!

mumblesalot (Laura A) said...

Ben: "I picked water but I hate water so I'm doing a shark."

Heidi: "If you don't know how to make a shark, you shouldn't make a shark. This looks like the first shark you've ever made."

That is too funny.

I guess they picked up a lot from Bravo. product placement PP PP PP yuck.

I swear Tim is reading your blog and purposely saying some weird "This is the first time on Project Runway......"

Cliff O'Neill said...

I'm so beyond sick of Emilio and Anthony. And I was hoping this Elements thing would be from the periodic table, since Anthony decided to go for Carbon anyway.

How is it that people have elements like water, air and fire and all end up making things in black and gray? Did someone die and they didn't mention it?


TLo said...

"Holly is such a fantastic model, I think other designers should have the opportunity to work with her. That's the kind of generous person I am."

"what a douche."


T Lo

kittens not kids said...

a lot of hate and rage channeled productively here. i wonder what Garnier DID to you. i hope you've gotten therapy for it and are on the Road to Recovery.

it's kind of hard to think of anything for the elements that isn't a horrid cliche. then again, grey and black is almost the opposite of what all of them should have done.

i think I have a small crush on Jonathan.

David Dust said...

Yeah, calling this the "Garnier Challenge" was ridiculous. However, as buttfuckugly as Amy's dress was, she was the only one to really incorporate hair into her design. Too bad she did it in the most horrendous way possible.


lovemesomeuli said...

Oh Eric, please share with us what Garnier did to you. I'm dying to know! Shear friggin genius, indeed. Could be worse. Camila Alves could have been the one explaining the product stuff. The product pushing was a little over the top. Okay, way over the top. As you pointed out, a lot of them didn't really incorporate the hair into their whole "element" look anyway, and most of them ignored the challenge altogether. I will miss little NerdBen, though.

eric3000 said...

Ha ha! OK, I'll explain my issue with Garnier in my next post.

Also, I have to point out that one of my main problems with this challenge was that I don't think the designers actually were instructed to incorporate the hair into the design. My understanding was that the designers were supposed to create a garment and then Garnier would create an appropriate hairstyle to go with it. So even though hair was such a major component of the episode, it was less the responsibility of the designers than it would have been in any other challenge. Anyway, I'm less grumpy now and looking forward to the next challenge!

mumblesalot (Laura A) said...

Yes, I thought that was weird how they were judging on the hair and cooing and drooling over it. I missed the first few moments of the show so I wasn't sure if the hair was part of the project.

The hairy chest was frightening.