Friday, March 23, 2012

Project Runway All Stars Finale: The look of love!
Before we start the finale, we have a question from a viewer. Stephanie from Delaware wants to know Isaac’s number one piece of fashion advice:
Isaac: “Spend all your money on your hair. I mean it. Every damn penny. Clean out your retirement account, sell your house, pawn your jewelry, and spend all of it on your hair. You will not regret it.”
Stephanie from Delaware: “Uh, okay, but what about the rest of my outfit?”
Isaac: “Just get your clothes at Target. Trust me, Stephanie, nobody cares what you’re wearing.”
Sensible advice. Now let’s get back to the finale. We pick up the story with the three finalists, Austin, Mondo, and Michael, heading to the runway venue, the beautiful New York Hall, in downtown Gotham City.
The designers make their final adjustments. Michael’s models are causing him serious problems; one of them lost ten pounds in her right arm and gained ten pounds in her left arm. Another one of his models lost six inches from her waist. That’s just inconsiderate.
Joanna Coles very sweetly decides she needs to use a lint roller on Mondo, who, obviously, complains about it:
Mondo: “It’s just like having your aunt use a lint roller on you.”
So, what you’re saying is if I get my aunt to use a lint roller on me, I will know what it feels like to have Joanna Coles de-lint me? I think I speak for everyone when I say, I would like to give that a try. 
Time for the runway, with Angela, Georgina, Isaac, and guest judges Tommy Hilfiger and Martin Fry, lead singer of the 80s pop group ABC. Oh, my god, we love Martin Fry!

Austin comes out on stage to promote the new “Dark Shadows” movie:
Austin: “So this vampire from the 19th century, played by Johnny Depp, is suddenly transported to present day Williamsburg, where he gets his hair styled by his Hasidic dandy friends, and Helena Bonham Carter is probably in it but I’m not sure. Thank you.”
OK, I did not have high hopes for this collection. But he opened with a great look: crazy flared pink shorts. From the silhouette to the styling, I loved everything about it. It’s the most interesting thing Austin has ever made; the Erics are unanimous in that. His second look is an adorable little lace dress. It’s perfect. So far, I’m impressed. Is it possible he made a great collection? 
Well, no. The collection went downhill fast after the second look. The third look was boring and the red carpet gown was ridiculous. The black vinyl jumpsuit was fine, but the wedding dress was aggressively mediocre and had nothing to do with the rest of the collection. I just don't know who his customer is; a young, modern woman or an elderly drag queen? His collection was schizophrenic. I think it needs therapy.

And speaking of needing therapy:
Mondo: “After this season of Project Runway All Stars, I need therapy. No, I'm being serious. Why are you all laughing? This is a cry for help!”
I don't have much to say about Mondo’s collection. It was excellent. It was as fresh and fun as his previous collection, but possibly more sophisticated. As I noted in my previous post, the ink blot design is so last year, but he did it so well I don’t care. The weakest piece was his final dress; the fabric was cool but the design was a little blah. 

And speaking of a little blah:
Michael: “Hi, everybody. I didn’t realize I was supposed to prepare a speech. I would like to take you on a trip to see the Yeti, the mythical big foot creature of the North. Enjoy.”
Michael: “Did I say the Yeti? I meant the Serengeti. Sorry, I’m really nervous. I just want this so bad.”
Michael made a beautiful, solid collection, but because it all blurred together for me, I’m just going to let Joanna do her play by play:
Joanna: “Look one -- very luxurious and comfortable. Look two -- those layering pieces are a designer’s bread and butter. Look three -- love those prints. Look four -- love the flats with that. Look five -- no comment. Look six -- this is the moment when they will know it’s you; this is the signature Michael dress. Michael, you rock. You’re the best. Everyone loves you. You can do anything you set your mind to. You can fly higher than an eagle. You are the wind beneath my wings.”
Oh, Joanna, you are so wonderful and supportive and full of crap. I love you!
Angela: “The winning designer will get the use of a studio for a year, a guest editor position at Marie Claire, a boutique at Neiman Marcus, and one hundred thousand dollars. That’s quite a package, Isaac!”
Isaac: “Thank you, Angela!”
Mondo wins. Big surprise. Congratulations, Mondo! As annoying as he’s been this season, I think he deserves it. Martin Fry is excited to have Mondo open his boutiques in Neiman Marcus. I can’t wait to see them; I think he’s the best choice for that prize. He will also probably make a good guest editor, if he takes a little Prozac.
Well, that’s the season. Thanks for reading! I’m looking forward to a little blogging vacation, but I’ll be back this summer for the next season of Project Runway No Stars!
But before we go, the multi-talented Michael Costello would like to do an impression of Dave from “Happy Endings”:
Michael: “I’m Dave.”


Cliff O'Neill said...

My name is Martin Fry. F-R-Y. Who needs the moon when we've got the stars?

LauraK said...

Thank you for another season of your excellent recaps, Eric.

Ellen said...

Bravo. Oops, I guess that should be LIfetime!!!

Any way, you make Project Runway so worth watching with your excellent re-cap and commentary. Can't wait until the summer and another fabulous wrap up from you.

Vanessa DK said...

Thanks for giving the gift of laughter - great deep long giggles and guffaws. Your commentary is sensational. Keep up the creativity.

Anonymous said...

Thanks a million--your last line had me laughing so hard. Have a good vacation.

eric3000 said...

Thanks, everyone, for reading and for your kind comments! See you soon!

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