Friday, March 16, 2012

Project Runway All Stars Season Finale, Part One: The Hunger Games!

Mondo: “I am so done eating. Over it.”

Austin: “But we haven’t even had dessert. I’m so hungry!”

Michael: “I want this so bad I can taste it. Are you gonna finish that?”

I’m assuming The Hunger Games is a reality show about being really hungry, right? So, we start our tale in the mythical city of New York, in a not-so-distant future where the Real Housewives franchise has merged with The Amazing Race. For the new hybrid show, fashion designers are sent as tribute from the different boroughs of the city to create mini-collections of five looks in four days for $3,000 and then fight to the death.

From the borough of Clinicaldepressionville we have Mondo and Mila, creating a collection based on therapy. They are using Rorschach ink blots, which would be a cool idea if we hadn’t just seen it on the last season of Project Runway.

From the borough of Kosher-Fragonardistan we have Austin and Anthony. They are creating a collection based on Marie Antoinette, punk rock, and Hasidic Jews. Which sounds totally awesome. Unfortunately, none of those references will be detectable in the collection.

And finally, from the borough of Why-Dear-God-Why? we have Michael and April, creating a resort collection based on an African safari.

Joanna: “I’ll tell you why. One third of all clothing sold globally is purchased by women who need long, flowing gowns to wear on safari.”

I find that hard to believe.

Joanna: “It says so in the most recent issue of Marie Claire, so it must be true.”

Oh, right, so speaking of that, the designers get to visit Joanna at her office:

Joanna: “Let me tell you about my typical work day. I get dressed in the most fabulous clothes and then I stand around in a glass case pointing at things and looking super important and hot as hell. I make people walk by and stare at me and then I see how long I can make them wait before they jump out a window. I love my job.”

Yeah, no kidding. So the designers get advice about creating a collection from Joanna, Angela, Georgina, and Isaac:

Joanna: “Theatricality in a collection is not mandatory.”

Angela: “Hi, guys!”

Georgina: “It’s perfectly normal to be suicidal all the time.”

Isaac: “I have one word for you: schadenfreude. Remember that.”

The designers process the information:

Michael: “I’m just going to sit back and soak this in.”

Mondo: “I’m just going to sit back and do nothing for the rest of the day.”

Austin: “I’m going to make a wedding dress!”

In the design room, Mondo is being a real pill:

Mondo: “I am in a foul mood.”

And he’s usually such a ray of sunshine. Well, it’s time for model selection. That should be fun. We’re ready for you, ladies.

Austin: “I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t call us ladies. Even though I’m in full makeup and wearing a blouse, I would still prefer to be referred to as a gentleman.”

I was talking to the models.

Austin: “oh.”

Mondo and Austin fight over the models. It’s a fight to the death. Austin takes out a glove (you know he always has gloves with him at all times) and challenges Mondo to a duel. Michael is the second. They take ten paces, turn, raise their pistols, and …

Michael: “Hey, I have an idea! Why don’t we flip a coin, instead!”

Oh, come on! We only watch this show for the violence! And the full frontal nudity! Oh, well.

The All Stars twist, otherwise known as a regular old twist, is that they have to make an extra look from the scraps from previous challenges this season. That’s a pretty fun challenge, though it obviously works better for some designers than for others. Mondo often mixes fabrics, so this should be easy for him. Michael, on the other hand, usually needs a lot of yardage of the same fabric, so he could have a hard time. However, this might be the kick in the pants Michael needs; it might force him to create something other than the same boring dress he makes for every challenge. I can hope, anyway.

Other than the designers trying to one-up each other about who had the worst childhood and who is going through the greatest personal challenges at the moment, not much happened this week. There was no runway and there were no home visits. Also, my laptop, which I previously reported as dying, completely died this week and I’m writing this at work, during my lunch break. So I have to go now. I’m glad we are almost done with the season.

Tune in next week when Mondo is declared the winner. Oops, did I just give that away?


Cliff O'Neill said...

Oh my, Mondo, the dear, is just so very exhausting.

And why oh why must I be subjected to Michael every damn week? Why?

Also, what was the point of an After The Runway when there was no runway? I really can't believe what a snooze this season has been. Shame.

Mid Mod Tom said...

You are TOTALLY allowed to spoil it for me, as long as the winner isn't Michael. I don't think I'm even going to watch (unless you know for sure it is Mondo!) because I am afraid that judges may have taken Xanax and totally made the wrong choice on their cards, like they did with GRRR-WRETCH-in

lovemesomeuli said...

I love that your version of the experts' advice wasn't so far from the actual advice. Can't believe they wasted so much show on that rather than us actually seeing the clothing. Actually, I can believe it. The new PR ain't like the old PR, ya know?

And I do love the concept of Austin's collection the most, though I haven't seen how he will actually put it into action. But, as you pointed out, Mondo will win because he got screwed over, so they're just making it up to him with all sorts of extra prizes.

Not looking forward to Michael's caftan collection, and I hate him for not choosing the King of Drapery to help him out. April? Really? Does he want goth safari caftans?

eric3000 said...

Cliff, you are right, there was no runway to be after. Maybe that's why it was worse than usual.

Tom, unfortunately, I can't guarantee a Mondo win. Haha! You never know with those wacky judges.

lovemesomerami, yes, Rami should have been the obvious pick for Michael. But goth safari caftans actually sounds like an improvement. And I really like the concept of Austin's collection, too. It's just the clothes I don't like.

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